I need help. I am so lost.
I have 3 young children after previously losing two stillborns.
This wasn’t planned. And I am so fearful to have another child. Not only the health complications (high chance bubs won’t survive), but the impact it will have on myself and my family.
Yes, most would say “surely you can’t be serious”, “haven’t you heard of protection”.. well yes, yes I have. And I fell pregnant whilst on it.
I returned to work a few months ago (after having 2 years of for #2 and then #3 who are 12 months apart). I know I will get leave, but I am just getting back on my feet.
I feel having another will break me. I (yes you’d think having 3 kids I would love it) cannot handle the newborn stage. I suffer from both pre and post natal. And I’m just now on the other end of it (bubs is just over 1yo).
I feel I can’t do this. I can’t have this baby. But god, I am riddled with guilt. I just have no idea what to do and it’s keeping me awake at night.
I just need a lending ear. For those reading this, thank you.
4 Replies
I can sense your stress in your writing. Can I suggest that if you give it time and take out the emotional side, what you really want will come to you.
If you really don't want to do this, you can terminate and go on with your life as is, if you have emotions and guilt that you can't handle there is support to help you through that, but knowing you did what was right for you will help you come to terms with it as well.
If you feel in your heart that you can't terminate and will fit another baby into your life, you will make it work. You're strong. It will be hard, you are already in front knowing you will need support in the newborn phase and to take care of your mental health and can take care of yourself, if that's what your heart really wants.
Just sit on it, take any guilt out of it, and think about what you really want your future to be.
I’m sorry you are going through this. I feel you! If I found out I was pregnant today i would not be in a good state of mind.
Ignore what ever idiot says the entire contraception line. There is no such thing as 100% full proof contraception.
You need to look after you and the family you do have. They and you should come first. In my opinion you have nothing to feel guilty for. Your fertility issues (an unwanted pregnancy is just as much as a fertility issue as not being able to fall pregnant) is not going to change someone else’s fertility issues.
This is your life and you are the one that has to go through this, so you look after you!
It’s probably a good idea to speak to a counsellor etc to help you through what ever you decide.
There’s no shame in being realistic and knowing your limits and priorizing the family you have now, good luck.
Massive hugs, you sound very lost.
You really need to consider the impact this baby will have on your life and how you will cope. Is that fair on yourself, you’re partner and other children? I don’t know how you feel about abortion, but I’d have a think about considering it.
Maybe you could chat to your partner and he can have a vasectomy or you could tie your tubes? I understand you were on contraception but it obviously failed you. Or look at something more genuine like the Depo shot or Implanon.