I have various mental health issues and many labels, from psychiatrist, psychologist and Therapist. I Have tried many medications & never felt genuine improvement without bad side effects.
I have struggled since I first became a mum at 37, Having the energy, enthusiasm and ability to stay present for my daughter, I also struggle to play with her, be creative & have silly childish fun. I’m always tired, stressed, anxious and depressed.
We do heaps of fun activities and take advantage of all the kid friendly community events, she eats and sleeps well now as a toddler but that took 14 months.
I love my daughter so so much.
I get 8 hours out from my daughter from my partner and in laws twice a week. She doesn’t go to daycare as she is an anxious child.
My own childhood was extremely dysfunctional, which lead to a destructive adolescence & confused drugged adulthood. At 32 I gave it all up met a nice man
( even tho I didn’t know what to do with a nice man ) we grew together and after 5 years had a child.
However I don’t think I’ve ever been truely happy within myself.
He is a lovely guy who treats me well provides well and is very loving caring and kind.
We have a small but nice social life.
My daughter is now 2 and happy and healthy. My partner wants to give her a sibling ( even tho we both know how hard it’s been and how exhausted we are) I’m nearlly 40 so time is running out.. has anyone else felt like there not coping with a toddler then had a new born? I feel like a won’t cope and like I’ll have a mental break down. I’m not happy inside myself I’m not sure I know what real happiness is. I don’t laugh or relax.
5 Replies
I considered having a second but in the end I stuck with one. I've had multiple diagnoses too, and found my anxiety increased once we had our daughter. I couldn't put her or my husband through the hell of me going downhill again so after going back and forth between having another and no we eventually decided not to have a second. I sometimes feel immense guilt about that decision, but most of the time I love my little family and we have a good time together.
I'm not saying that's what you should do. Just offering a different perspective.
Just from reading this, I feel like you’re so damn hard on yourself and probably don’t give yourself enough credit for all the amazing things you do. You’ve just rattled off the negative but I’m sure you have a million positive things. After all, you’re a great mother to your daughter because she is happy and healthy, and you husband loves you to bits and treats you well. So I just felt like I needed to address that you were hard on yourself but you must be pretty amazing even if you don’t see it.
I can’t really answer your question because it never crossed my mind to stop at 1 child and I’ve currently got a 2 and 4 year old. Honestly, some days are difficult and I have wondered to myself if I should have waited or done things differently, but I’m glad my son has a sibling and I don’t regret it but it was something I always wanted so our situations are very different.
I don’t think anyone can ever make that decision for you. Or prepare you for what two kids is really like. But the answer is in you somewhere and you’ve just gotta find it.
I struggled with the first and didn't improve with the second. It was hard. But I was solid in my relationship and am good now. Wouldn't change a thing now... But it's OK to say no.
Im exactly where you are now. Our little man is just about to turn 6 and he is perfect in every way we just adore him! However he and my Jas and have seen and been through so much with regards to my mental health, and quite frankly they need me to be ok. I would love love love to be a Mum again and it crushes me that I probably won’t as it’s just too much of a risk with my health and for medication changes etc (I’m bipolar) so my advice is do what your heart feels right but don’t risk what you already have right in front of you. You deserve them and they deserve you to be the best form of yourself xx take care
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Allow yourself to be happy because you deserve it. You deserve to have a loving partner and family. You are worthy of all that and more. Talk with your partner, tell him how you feel and do what’s best for you and your family