So, im after some advice..
Ive found myself in a huge pickle.. to the point im nearly ashamed of myself..
Ill try keep it short...
So ive been with my partner since we were teenagers we have 2 kids and a world of domestic violence issues.. Avo's and he done 14 months in jail.. towards the stage he went to jail things were horrible, pushing, shoving and thats being nice....
When he was inside i started seeing another guy... when he got out i was still seeing other guy but things soon went bad there.. myself and ex partner decided to work on things.. he asked to move back in with me n kids and he caught me when i was vulnerable and stupidly i said yes.. i wish i didnt.. here things get embarrasing..
I found out im pregnant and assumed it was his.. but after an ultrasound it turns out to be other guys child....
I don't know what to do..
I dont know what i want..
Ive considered abortion but at 12 weeks is that possible?
Now the one living with me thinks its his due to my silly assumption.. now wen i tell him its the other guys baby, he will end up homeless.. no rental history, only newstart payment... or do i let him live in my house untill my lease is up and i live elsewhere.. (id have somewhere to go) with the kids...
I feel like if i let him live in my house we can share our kids.. but if i dont do that im leaving him high n dry with nothing not even a roof..
I know ive seriously f@#&%d up hard...
So.. i know i have to tell him... but what comes next...
Any advice at all??
No nasty comments please,
Im very aware how horrible this is..
I messed up hard!!!
I messed up hard!!!
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Pregnancy
12 Replies
Please consider the precious life growing inside you... don't abort you can raise that baby up just like you have your other two.
As for the situation with the fella living with you... of course he is going to Be upset because it's not his but that's not for you to worry about, you should worry about yourself and both your born and unborn babies
It is entirely up to you whether you want him to continue living with you it is very generous of you to allow him that option :)
Stop worrying about some guy who bashed you up so badly he ended up in jail! Do you think he considered your feelings when doing that??
You look after you!
To be honest I’m more concerned about your SAFETY than anything else. Your man has a temper so whatever you do you need to protect your safety.
Here is what I’d do.
1. Talk to the police about what is happening.
2. Take my kids to my families house to be babysat.
3. Bring two people I trust back to the place you live together and tell him.
4. Leave to live with family for you and the kids safety.
It could be the abusive relationships but gee lady youre giving yourself a lot of shit for this. A whole lot. You tell the truth and whatever happens, happens.
Its not your job to sort out his housing and his share of kids. Hes a grown man, he will do it. You focus on yourself, what you want,and taking care of your kids and the rest will fall into the right place.
Yes abortion is possible at 12 weeks, many women do this (remember, the Nuchal Scan is at 12 weeks which can be a challenging result for some).
BUT you need to do what is right for you. Not for your ex. With both of your previous pasts, is it really right to allow this man around your kids? What kind of model do you want to be for them and let them think that such toxicity is okay? You're worrying and ashamed of this over what you have been through and are now allowing. I'd be a lot more embarrassed that you've let him back into your lives than being pregnant :)
YOU got out when he went to jail, and now you've let him back in. I never like to victim blame but you're pretty much allowing a known abuser back into your life, so in this case I really think you need a good hard look at yourself and know your self worth.
Stop being so hard on yourself, you have made some bad choices no doubt but what's done is done. Beating yourself up about it changes nothing, it just makes you feel like shit and that's not going to help you move forward.
First things first, forget about everything and everyone for a minute. Think about you and this baby you're carrying, do you want another child? Will you have a good support network? Do you think you can do it on your own?
If you answer yes or no to these questions, I think you have your answer there.
Kick baby daddy to the curb, his lack of rental history and nowhere to go is so far from your problem babe!
Does baby daddy number 2 know you're pregnant with his child? If it's safe to do so, a conversation with him is probably needed before you commit to a decision.
You need to start making the choices that are the best for you and your kids, forget about what these dickhead men want and need!
Jesus you are blaming yourself A LOT for things. His DV is not your fault, you getting pregnant isn’t your fault. It takes two to tango.
First thing I would do is kick out the d!ck who is living with you. You and the kids deserve better than that, you know that. There’s heaps of ways to protect yourself. Second just get on with having a healthy pregnancy. There’s also a lot of help out there. Cut ties with the father if you think it’s for the best. Start looking after you!
It's not a great situation and you know that. I'm concerned that if you tell him the truth he will hurt you based on your history. And if the scan meant the dates are clear, he will know if you try to hide it. I think you need to ask yourself can you deal with this situation and be confident of your safety? If not, I would be seeking information on an abortion... Interstate if necessary based on your location. If yes, lay your cards on the table. Good luck. Please be careful. Ps... You didn't F up. It's a horrible curve ball you didn't expect so stop blaming yourself
This won’t be a popular answer, but this is a super shit situation, stop for a minute, do you want another baby? Does the paternal father know and what does he want? Are you safe? Do your kids need a Mum who is sorted? I personally wouldn’t have this baby. Sounds like life is hard enough without adding to it. Stuff this guy, kick him out and grow up and look after your 2 kids and yourself. You are all worth more than this circus.
The only way I see how you messed up is letting an abuser and violent man back into yours and your children’s lives. He went to jail to what he done to you and you let him back in. Think of your and especially your children’s safety, stay away from this man. I believe you can get an abortion up to 18 weeks but that depends on the state your located. Don’t let anyone guilt trip you into keeping the baby if you can’t handle having another. Personally I would get an abortion considering the situation but that’s not my choice to make, that is yours and yours only. If you think the violent one will fly off the handle just lie and say you miscarried. Also the violent one not having a place to live that’s his fault, who cares where he ends up, he is NOT your responsibility, yours and your children’s safety is. He will find somewhere. Then if I was you I would move and start fresh
Is it fair to bring another child into this shit show? Can you support yourself? Can you provide for 3 kids?
Abort. Be single. Get therapy. Protect yourself and your kids
Forget about men altogether including your children’s fathers. Do what you need to do and what is best for your children. The man you are living with is going to be homeless due to his own decisions. He needs to go get a job and sort his shit out. Either way his issues are not yours to take on or manage. Don’t uproot your children because he can’t be bothered working and help support his child. Get yourself help to draw the line and stop the abuse. If it is not sorted out your children will learn that is acceptable behaviour. I feel that I would seriously consider abortion here because this is messy and you need to get yourself sorted. In saying that if you want the baby you can do it. You deserve better but are choosing to allow yourself to be treated this way. Please take your life back and make a life you and your children are happy with. Good luck
Don't be so hard on yourself. You're pregnant. You did nothing wrong. You didn't even have an affair....
I would tell the current boyfriend that it's not his and play it by ear. I would also tell the father of the baby. He deserves to know if you decide to keep it.
Please be careful with the current boyfriend. Previous violence may see him turn. Have a safety plan in place. You can do it.