Ok here goes, this is a little complicated but i will give you a little background info so hopefully it makes sense.
My partner and I have been together 10 years we have 2 kids together and I have never met his dad.
He stopped communicating with him in 2000 when he was 16. His father was abusive towards his mother ( very abusive and violent) she left him when my partner was 6 and his 2 sisters 4 and 3. He had some contact through the years and even moved to live with him in 98 - 00 in which he made sure my partner got his yr 10 cert. After that some very horrible things( sexual abuse towards his sisters) came to light and he left his dad and never spoke to him again.
Fast forward to now
We were informed today that his father is in renal failure and has days to live ( we knew he was ill, he had been for a long time) but we didnt hear this from the source only through a 3rd party.
My question is this. I have my partners support and we want to know what exactly is going on but my partner does not want to be the contact person Do I have the right to be his go between with the hospital and do you think they would inform other family members we have made contact? ( lots of bad blood in the family)
And how do we break the news to his family ( mum and sisters) we will be attending the funeral even though they have stated they would be very peeved with us if we did. My partner needs this for closure as he still loves his dad even though he has been a major let down in his life.
Sorry for the essay but not just after advice also some support and hope that we are not doing the wrong thing
2 Replies
The hospital will not tell anyone that you have been in contact. Quite honestly they are too busy worrying about sick people to be discussing who came to visit with others (especially if those others are not visiting anyway). Don't tell the rest if the family you are going to the funeral, just go. Don't create hurt where simply by not telling them would save that. Nobody can tell another who they can grieve for or how they can grieve.
Do what you and your husband need to do to go to bed at night with a clean concience. Knowing that you have done what is right for you and your children. This man may have been a monster at times (my father has been too) but he is still your husbands dad and he probably has good memories too. The hospital have no business telling anyone who has visited and I am sure you could tell them not to tell others. As for the funeral, explain that your husband needs closure and this is his way.