Ok so I am really just after some positive reassurance and some kind words! Currently balling my eyes out.( note- ive just realised I probably sound like a complete drama queen, negative nancy, in this post but I can now blame that on the pregnancy hormonesđđ) Me and mypartner have 4 kids. The youngest being 4. And I've just found out I am pregnant. Condom split (pill makes me depressed so we always use condoms.) Took the morning after pill though. I've had spotting over the last week and thought the morning after pill was just making my hormones crazy. Then as we are hoping into bed I notice my boobs feel really big! I thought, so I can actually get some sleep without stressing I'll quickly duck to the shops get a pregnancy test , it'll be negative and I can sleep well. Well it's actually positive! Partner is already asleep. I am freaking out!
I have finally just started working after 10 years being a SAHM. I have only had this job for the last 6 months and working just that 20 hours a week has made all the difference to our money situation. Bills are all paid...but we are still living week to week, now I'm feeling like everything will just go downhill. Even if I work til my due date that's only 13 months on the job..is that enough to guarantee my job back? (community care worker) or is 13 months even enough for a good reference on a resume? I'm a casual so no maternity leave. And even if by some miracle I got my job back then I will have to have 2 children in daycare. We cant cope with those fees. Plus the stress of having a new baby plus working. I'm running around like a headless chook busy most days as it is.
Please has anyone been in this situation and everything has worked out ok? I know that we'll survive I just dont know how stressed I'll be. We had goals and plans. My partner had already asked two different doctors for the snip bacause we were adamant no more kids! But they refused because of his age. I am sooo angry at them. I've been telling my partner to keep trying other places and he said he would at the start of next year to give it some time and now this
It is the plans we had for our lives I am sad about. It is my older children's needs and wants they may miss out on that I am sad about. Feeling very lost atm.
15 Replies
Oh you poor thing :( I am sorry you are going through this. Thankfully you still have options. If I was in your situation I would probably consider abortion. I would never want my kids to have to miss out on their needs and it sounds like you are in a good routine and good place in your life job wise right now. Which would change if you had a baby. But this is just a personal thing and it's only something you can decide.
I really feel for you. You know whatâs going to happen, you are going to be broke again and have to start all over. Hubby will be back to being the sole income earner with all the financial responsibility whilst youâre home caring for a baby. If you already have four kids you will likely need a bigger car to transport all five around. Youâre going to be even busier with four kids plus a baby. Thereâs no point in sugar coating it, you know the reality of the situation, I would really consider the needs of my existing family before adding to it. I know you want positive answers,but babies arenât mythical creatures that can solve all these problems with their presence.
Yes i really cant defend myself coz ive obviously been to complacent and awfully stupid. I will be getting a copper iud as the next step.
I also booked the abortion. Its 4 hours away so my partner would need to take the day off work as I cant drive back afterwards.Partner then said he wont take me coz he cant stand the thought of it? This is what he suggested! I am so 50/50 that whatever he decided I would agree with but he just wont pick what he wants now.
Both our minds are so all over the place. I dont think I have ever felt this low
Go and sit alone in a quiet place, maybe in the garden and listen to your inner voice. Itâs your body, listen to what itâs telling you, do what your guts tells you, not your husband or people on the internet. Either decision you make will have pros and cons, just decide what you can live with.
And if you have to, cancel your appointment for now, donât rush this decision. You can always rebook, think it all through first so you are confident and sure of your decision.
Thankyou for so much foryour kind words. I do just need some breathing space to think! We have decided not to go through with the abortion. So i can now at least just concentrate on the financial worries
â¤ď¸ you can do this ! Everything will be ok . If both of you are not 100% for the abortion donât go through with it . There is a saying you will never regret the children you have but you might regret those you donât .
You are strong and youâre relationship sounds strong too ! You got this xo
That saying isn't true. Lots of people regret the kids they have. It's better to regret a child you didn't have than one you did have.
I love but also regret my youngest. Life is so much more difficult since she came along and she whinges non stop and I dont enjoy my time with het. When I try to take all the kids out she whinges if it's not something babyish and my older kids don't want to do the baby things. No one wants to babysit her because she's too difficult. Myself and my kids have had to miss out on a lot since she came along. I know you only want positive responses but life isn't all about positive things. You need to think realistically.
If you heart isnât in it, donât have the baby. Only you and your partner know what your family can do. I personally would opt out. And the age thing isnât true my hubby had is snip done early 30âs no questions. Maybe he doesnât want it done? On the other hand if you canât make any decisions, stop stressing and try and work more now save your cash now and get ready. You wonât have 2 in daycare and your 4yr will be close to school whilst on leave leaving the newbie in care. If you need to do it you will work it out. Time for a hard chat with your partner. Super shit situation
How do you know he isnât in his 20s?
Great, youve made a decision, it can only be uphill from here.
Now you can plan for everything, talk to work, save whilst youre still working and know that when youâre broke again, itâs only temporary as you will have a start date to go back. You work 20 hours, perfect balance for you and Bub. If you have two in childcare,maybe you could look into family daycare, they tend to be cheaper.
I just found out (in my 30s) that I cannot have any more kids . Yes it will be busy but be thankful that you can have them .
I just found out (in my 30s) that I cannot have any more kids . Yes it will be busy but be thankful that you can have them .
This is how we ended up with our first at 17. I was on pill for skin reasons so still that didnât work. Sometimes I wonder what life would be but seems he was meant to be. Abortion is always an if that is what you feel you need. We are lucky to have choices! Except condoms I am not keen on having choices there anymore after trying a different less known brand!!