Ok, so I have a close friend who's been dating someone for two years. I've just found out a few months ago, they suggested their partner sleep with other people, to take pressure off their lack of sex life (my friend has low sex drive). My friend is totally smitten and I feel will do anything to save the relationship. While this was surprising enough, I've now been told that their partner goes to 'sex parties' sleeping with multiple people at a time more than once a week, leaving my friend home alone and "lonely" (their words). I'm trying to be open minded but knowing that this is happening is infuriating me. Admittedly, part of the agreement was that my friend can also sleep with others but they have not taken this up. Is it just me, or does this sounds utterly ridiculous? I know it's not my business...but I guess I'm wondering how many people think this seems a reasonable agreement, and would you say something?
Close friend allowing partner to sleep around
Close friend allowing partner to sleep around
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Sisterhood Stories, Behaviour
14 Replies
Not your relationship - not your business!
Just try and keep your personal ideals out of it and be supportive!
This is not your life and not your business. Your opinions are irrelevant.
If you can’t handle hearing about it you can either distance yourself from your friend or directly let her know that this topic is off limits for the time being.
(I’m totally with you though. This is a complete shit show - but she’s an adult and if she doesn’t like it then she has the power to change it)
This is not your relationship, you really should stay out of it (their relationship that is) you can do what ever you like to help ease his lonlieness, hang out with him etc but he and his partner came to an agreement about their relationship if he is no longer happy with that arrangement then he needs to speak up and tell them himself. The relationship is lacking sex from what I can tell and from his behalf. If she has a sex addiction etc as long as she is using protection I don't see the problem with her doing her thing because they've both agreed to it. (Especially if it is just sex and no emotional attachment or regular contact) If she needs more sex and he doesn't have the drive for it has he sought help to help with what ever issue it is? So she is not seeking it else where?
This particular situation isn't something I'd personally do. But I do understand being the part of the relationship wanting more sex/intimacy/recognition from your partner and not getting it because they either didn't want to or couldn't do it. I'd get myself a toy but sometimes toys really aren't enough.
Agree with others - not your circus, not your monkeys!
Different horses for different courses. Whats good for one isnt for another....you get the point haha.
I can understand you find it uncomfortable and foreign but to some this is normal living. Monogamy is not for everyone and thats fine.
With regards to your friend tell her she has a choice. She can continue to stay or choose to leave. If she is sitting around being upset about her decision then she can continue to wallow in her sorrows, join him or leave! But i wouldn't be offering her sympathy on a choice she knowingly made as an adult.
Everyone has the power to change their situation!
If she was happy with the situation I'd leave it alone. But she isn't so talk to her about whether she honestly feels like this is her happy ever after
It's good that you are worried for your friend and I hope this is not a sign of severe depression. Encourage her to see a counselor to make sure this really is what she wants in a relationship. This kind of 'generosity' is also common with people who have suffered from sexual abuse.
This doesn’t sound healthy and I’d probably be thinking about it a lot if these were my friends too?!? Like you want to be there for your friend, I guess it’s just an awkward situation because you want to supportive without coming across judgemental or disapproving of her decisions and when it’s such a taboo topic, you probably aren’t sure how to come across. Or at least that’s how I feel like I’d be?
I feel like I’d be inclined not to bring it up at all though. Or at the very least just to lend an ear, something like “just thought I’d reach out and let you know that I am always here for a chat if you need a friend..” and then leave the ball in her court, she might need a friend to vent to and in that case you’ve opened that door, but unless she actually comes to you, it’s none of your business ect
The human in me says that this is their business. The friend in me says definitely have a convo with her and ask if she is genuinely OK with this arrangement. Support her either way though and don’t judge or pressure her to leave him under any circumstances. Just be there for her should things fall apart. Best of luck sweet. Sorry you are in this position :-(
Love how all these posts keep saying ‘her’ or ‘she’ . Not once was one of them being female mentioned . This could be two girls or two guys . Irrelevant to the topic , I know , but Jesus people , stop suggesting it’s a female and a male .
Maybe if she goes with him and explores sex more she might get her libido back. Maybe its him she doesnt enjoy sex with. Swingers have very open and still loving relationships. She should get out with him and explore... she could find a better swx kife with him
How do
you know it’s a ‘she’ ? Every single post says ‘She’
Maybe if she goes with him and explores sex more she might get her libido back. Maybe its him she doesnt enjoy sex with. Swingers have very open and still loving relationships. She should get out with him and explore... she could find a better sex life with him
If that's how they choose to have a relationship, good for them.
However, sex parties should be put to the side if it means that the one at home is feeling lonely. A ticket to sleep around does not mean that the other partner gets neglected.
If they want it to work, ground rules need to be made, including couples needs.
It sounds like your friend suggested this to compensate for inability to provide frequent sex but underestimated where it would go. Also underestimated that it would overshadow their couple time together. Of course your friend hasn’t taken up other sexual partners when they can’t even engage with the original partner. I think you are asking if others can see what you’re seeing, that the partner is misusing the permission and is not honouring the relationship by meeting your friends emotional needs. It does seem selfish of the partner to overdo it. Suggest counselling to your friend to help with sexual issues and coping.