Best movements for daughter incase we go to family court.

Anon Imperfect Mum

Best movements for daughter incase we go to family court.

Okay this is gunna be a long one so Thankyou for reading. I’ll start from the beginning.

I was in a relationship and had a little girl to at the time, a decent man, although I had rose coloured glasses, and took a long time to realise what was happening. He was a drug addict, 15k savings gone in the matter of 2 months plus Hocking everything in at cash converters type of drug addict. I didn’t find out as although I was the one who was putting money aside I never had access. He got incredibly violent, controlling, typical DV relationship. When Bub was 7 months, I packed up and left in a hurry. I tried to keep him in her license with his parents supervising visits, it lasted a few months until he was sick of me not being at the visits and it was all how much he loves me and wanted to see me. I told him no, not happening, to only contact about daughter, not me. I met someone else and it all blew up! Threatened my life if I ever contacted his parents again,
Told me he didn’t care if he ever saw our daughter again he just wanted to ruin my life by dragging this through a court system, okay no problem, seize contact. My partner who ive now gone on to have a baby with and currently pregnant again is all my daughter knows. She calls him mostly by his name, but if asked who her dad is, she will tell you it’s my current partner. 15 months ago my ex popped up out of the blue, taking me to mediation. Which didn’t go so well, after threats, the throwing of furniture, all because I told him I wasn’t just sending my daughter to strangers in a centre for him (another stranger to her) to walk in the door, without working her up for it. He lost it and was escorted out and handed a certificate for court. He wanted that, he said he didn’t like the mediator and she wasn’t playing favourites etc etc. this mediation commenced after 3 years of absolutely no contact at all. My daughter has no idea who he or his family is. About 6 months ago, he messaged me, asking for updates and pictures, I told him our daughter was well, and it quickly turned into how much he still cares and loves me, I stopped replying. He then messaged a few days after that asking about daughter and I ignored it. A week ago I had to take my youngest to the hospital and saw him resisting being escorted by police into ed, quite obviously on some sort of drugs.
I’ve had small updates on him threw people who know us both and his work place, still drug addict, hasn’t changed. About 3 days after I spotted him at the hospital he messaged again, asking how our daughter is and for photos. I’ve ignored. My question is, would you reply for the Sake of if this does eventually end up
In court, it may look like I’ve completely cut him off for selfish reasons. Ofcorse I hate him, ofcorse I’m terrified of him, and Ofcorse I want him nowhere near my daughter. But I also know what she needs comes first especially in a family court, my personal feelings will be pushed to the side. It’s been years of him not well enough to be in our daughters life and I don’t see if changing, she needs people who are good for her and not dangerous drug addicts. I’m assuming as it’s been over 12 months since he got the certificate for court, that He would have to take me back to mediation before proceeding to family court. I just don’t know what’s best in the long run. The plan is to eventually remove him as a parent all together, take all parenting rights away. Considering it’s been 5 years with no real effort or changes, I don’t see
Him ever being a part of her life in a positive and healthy way.

Any insights of what will be best for me to do now in regards to when he messages etc for incase we end up
In front of a judge with an axe to grind with how I’ve dealt with all this would be super appreciated. Thankyou.

Posted in:  Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Baby & Toddler

3 Replies

Anon Imperfect Mum

Get some advice from a solicitor. My ex tried pulling the same bullshit after 10+ years of not being in our kids lives (due to Dv, drugs). Basically as soon as i said ive seen my lawyer and she has informed me basically you have no chance in hell the threats stopped.
Make sure u have back up copies of everything he has msged you (i had screen shots and printed copies).
Until youve seen a solicitor I wouldnt be responding but just making copies.

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Anon Imperfect Mum

Think of it this way, should it go to family court (which I doubt - he doesn't want to be a father, he wants to give you grief by the sounds).

What do you think will look worse?
You not engaging in text messages with him about your daughter.
OR
His drug history, his volatile behaviour (in front of the mediator too, which they will be able to attest to), his overall inconsistency as a father...

No judge in their right mind would give this man any kind of custody, I think he'd be lucky to get supervised visits in a visitation centre to be honest (My cousin could be your ex's twin just from your description - he was granted 1 hour supervised a month, he pretty much flaked most of the time anyway and had his right to those suspended).

I would stop contact with him completely, at best I would arrange to communicate via a 3rd party (perhaps his parents) but I would absolutely stop communicating with him directly.

I would also go and get yourself some proper legal advice, arm yourself with information in case worst comes to worst!

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Anon Imperfect Mum

Create a journal. No emotions, just facts. Include as much as possible

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