I’m pregnant - halfway through actually, it was a surprise, and it was pretty early in the piece of seeing the babies dad, so extra surprise and I’m seeing it as one of those things that were meant to be, anyways, I’m kinda sad to admit this, but looks like my babies dad is still working out what he is doing, he has said he’ll be with me, but honestly actions aren’t showing this, I’m trying to muddle through and continue to give him time and space, but I gotta admit it’s getting harder and my emotions are very rollercoastery, anyways, my question is this - do I tell his Mum about the baby? At this stage, idk if he has told her, sadly I’m assuming not, I want to continue to respect him and think he should be telling her, however, I also think it’s been left to long now...regardless of what happens between him and I, I just think she has a right to know...or do you think I should continue to be patient and leave it up to him?
9 Replies
His family, his business. Your family, your business.
Nope, you don’t contact his family about this issue. It’s between you and him.
Let him sort his Shit out either way without interference from them, you don’t want them pressuring him to be involved. If he’s going to be involved it needs to be entirely his decision or it will never ever work.
If he chooses to involve them either now, or after the birth that is up to him.
Do you see her? If you have a relationship with her, tell her. If not, dont.
Maybe it's time to really step out of the flip flopping with him and go it alone. Take the stress off and help you make the right decisions for you.
She has a right to know. If you're 'together' check he's told her. If not, let him know baby shower invites will be going out soon and while you don't mind if it's not her thing, it would be rude not to invite her. That will put him on notice. And if he runs away, then you know where you stand with him and should just invite her yourself. Frankly, if you weren't planning on having one, I'd change that.
I’d say it’s not your place. Maybe try and talk to him about telling his mum? If you see her anytime soon, it’s probably going to be fairly obvious soon.
At the end of the day, with the relationship not in the best place, I feel like the respect for him is more important then his mum knowing.
She’ll probably turn into those cray MIL’s like mine and drove you up the wall anyway hahaha
I think you first need to worry about where you stand with him.
I would give it to him straight...
"I'm XX weeks pregnant, this baby's happening with our without you. Are you in or out? Because I need to get prepared and I can't do that while I'm waiting in limbo for you to work out what you're doing".
He may decide he doesn't want to be a father but he doesn't get to chose if his mother gets to be a grandmother - that's up to her.
I think she has a right to know and I think I'd tell her if he doesn't.
You'll need to prepare yourself for the possibility that his family may want access and visitation with the baby, so do consider that before you make any decisions.
Exactly.
Nope, his family his business. Ask yourself, what is your motivation to tell them? Baby isn’t even here yet, is it to shame him, make him change his attitude or is it so your child has a relationship with their grandparent? If it’s the first two, don’t let your emotions get the better of you and tell her.
I would make the decision after baby is here, decide then if you want her to be a part of things. If father wants nothing to do with bubs when he/she comes, I think it could be more detrimental to their emotional wellbeing if the rest of his family are involved, I would prefer a clean break. Also be prepared that she may have the attitude that her son was “trapped” by you and reject you and bubs, sadly there are mums out there like that.
Nope. It's up to him to navigate his family.
I have a kid from a fling and the mother has never tried to reach out to me. She knows all about him. If the reaction isn't good, you'll just end up hurting yourself.
Yes! My brother had a child with someone and we didn’t find out until my niece was over 2 years old. We missed out on so much and it still pisses me off today that he was there to meet my son within hours of being born but we had to wait years to know she even existed. Everyone who is saying his family his business, no it’s her business too because this baby is going to be a part of his family too! He might hate you for doing it and you might not get the reaction your hoping for but at least it gives his family the choice to be a part of this babies life with or without him. Good luck 💜