Hi sisterhood, I apologise in advance for this long post but I need advice on how to tell if my marriage is over I've been with my husband for 10 years and have been married for 8 of those years.
In the beginning our relationship and then marriage was amazing with a very active sex life we have a few kids together and after our youngest was born 7 years ago things started to go down hill which is expected with adding another child to the family. However we got through those issues and things were going ok again but the last couple of years things have been crap we fight heaps usually over small stuff sometimes it even gets physical. My partner is an amazing dad to all our kids and they love him so much as does he to them. The issue is my health has taken a slight shit turn and I've also gained unexpected weight (no I'm not pregnant) and my partner doesn't seem to be attracted to me anymore and doesn't even say he loves me. I've got a very close male friend who I was involved with many many years ago who still tells me all the time that I'm attractive and he wishes we were both single so that we could hook up. I'm starting to consider the possibility of cheating on my partner with this friend of ours as he actually cares about me and I think deep down apart of me will always love this other man.
How do I tell if my marriage is over?
How do I tell if my marriage is over?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Sisterhood Stories
18 Replies
I also want to add that the only time my partner seems to want to be with me sexually is when he is felling horny or been drinking and then I'm expected to give him what he wants however when I'm feeling horny he refuses to have sex with me
The grass is greener where you water it. Your so called "friend" has no respect for you, you husband or family. Put the time and effort into watering your marriage. Seek marriage councilling. If you are after a 5 minute feel good then leave your husband before you do.
Partner refuses to do marriage counselling as I have been asking for years now to go with me but he just won't do it.
If he’s refusing to go then go yourself for starters and figure out what you want !
Tell him you are going because you are unhappy and need to figure it out , he’ll either respond and want to help you or ignore it and not and that might help you get your answer ....
Your fights become physical. That would be a deal breaker for me!
Forget about the other guy, he shouldn’t even come into your decision making.
So you want us to say “ok go cheat on him”. How about if you still love your husband you get off your arse and get your self in to shape and work on that relationship instead of thinking the grass is greener on the other side - it’s not it’s just been watered
Why she should get off her ass and work out. He should accept her as she is, just like she would accept him. I would do it for myself not my husband!
I don't just sit on my arse like you have assumed that I do. I exercise daily and run around with and after our kids. We eat healthy portioned meals yet for some bizarre reason I still put on weight. My partner h also put some weight on in the last year yet I never judge him and I still find him just as attractive as I did when we first met. So maybe take your judgemental stuck up comments elsewhere.
Good for you. Being a mother is bloody exhausting running around after kids all day is exercise and who care if you don’t no ones business. I’m a mum and if I want to sit on my ass all day eating big fat cream buns I will coz I bloody deserve it.. stuff people and their judgmental comments, they have no idea.!
Oh so you still find him so attractive that you want to cheat on him with another man? Interesting??
Sounds like you have every excuse for not putting in the effort in your marriage.
Don’t like my stuck up comments, better get a thicker skin cause I promise you fat won’t be the only thing he calls you when he finds out you cheated on him.
I highly doubt any one would comment here and say “sleep with the other guy because he finds you attractive and your husband doesn’t”.... which appears to be what you’d like to hear.
Either continue to work on your marriage and leave the other guy completely out of your picture.
Or
Leave your husband (which sounds like a wise thing to do if he is physically abusive to you) and figure out what the hell youre about and then sleep with whoever you want when you want because you aren’t married...
Let’s be honest, this other guy probably only wants the one thing, once... and is that really worth the mental mind fuck of cheating on your husband? No!
I agree with the others... You seem to be wanting permission to cheat. Also, you throw in 'sometimes our fights get physical' as a side note to justify what you want. It doesn't seem to be your actual issue. So my question is how does it get physical? Are you getting physical? If hubby tries to hug my when I'm having a panic attack I will slap or punch is a reflexive action to protect myself if I don't know it's coming. And I'm horrified and the panic attack worsens. He knows now to stand back until I make eye contact.my point is that some 'physical' behaviours don't equal abuse. I'm not saying that is your circumstance, but I get the impression that he isn't abusive by the way you added it as a side point and maybe you need to work on your communication skills so neither of you get to the point where you're in major fight/flight responses and your limbic system is controlling your actions.
You have fights that are verbally and physically volatile.
You have no respect for each other.
You're considering cheating.
I'm sorry but you both need to grow the fuck up!
Youve got children watching and taking all this in, they're going to grow up thinking drama, dysfunction, disrespect and even violence is normal!
You both need to end this shit and sort out your priorities!
Cheating is never ever the answer - Just don’t do it. The conversation of him expressing his attraction to you is so far past inappropriate already and should have been shut down in the moment. Seek help together to get where you need to be in your marriage. If he refuses that’s his level of interest in working things out so the rest of the choice is yours to make. Most importantly of all, if your marriage fails don’t fall straight into another relationship. Spend a while on your own.
I know it seems enticing to be with this other man but it’s just a distraction from the real issue - your marriage. You really don’t want to tangle it all up with cheating as well. Take the leap and leave or work on the marriage. There is no inbetweens unfortunately - not without a lot of heartbreak anyway.
Totally get it but don’t cheat. Make it clear to your husband that you want out if your aren’t happy. Do what makes you happy though. Remember the other guy could also be telling you what you want to hear. You might give up your husband and end up being used by the other guy. Cheating will make things worse even though you feel it will make you better at the time. If you really want out then end it and see where that takes you but cheating isn’t the answer.
If your asking for a green light to go cheat this is not it !
It does sound like your marriage is in a rut , but that doesn’t mean it’s over . What have you tried to do to fight for your relationship ? What have you personally done to get you both out of the rut ?
Talk to your husband !! Tell him your feeling unhappy and something needs to change ! Go and start seeing a counselor for yourself and talk through your self image stuff that’s going on and when you’ve had a few sessions to your self invite your husband to join in and do some couples sessions talk about what’s going on . REMEMEBR why you guys fell in love in the first place .life has changed but when it comes down to it you are the same people try and find that again . Take time
Out , relax and rest and go on dates together marriage takes work and she you are not TRYING or working to make it work things will dry out !!
Having said that it does take two of you wanting that but sometimes it needs to be you that starts ! When is the last time YOU told him you though he was attractive ? When is the last time you told him you love him still ?
He’s human too and has needs,
Maybe he himself is in an emotional rut ??
There’s lots of maybes here and it does sound like you are just looking for a convenient excuse to cheat .
If you want to make you marriage work then stay away from this other guy !!! If you feel your marriage is over then end it DONT CHEAT ! That makes you the bad guy in the situation!!
Physical violence with partner? Address that first. So many commenters focusing on the potential “cheating” never mind the domestic violence 🤦♀️
End the marriage first, second step is work on yourself - get healthy n happy, focus on getting your kids through the ordeal, and then finally, way down the track, maybe consider dating someone