Hi IM’s
Needing some advice.
My daughter is living away from home with my sister and her family until she finishes school in a couple of weeks.
My sisters engagement ring went missing and it turned up in my daughters jewelry box.
My daughter is protesting her innocence and is quite upset. My sister is upset understandably.
My guilt as a mother is that I want to believe my daughter when she says she’s innocent but how else did it end up in her jewelry box.
I want to help and I want to get my daughter help.
How do I get her help or to admit she has a problem with stealing if 1. She said she didn’t do it and 2. What if she didn’t??
Rock and a hard place :(
I don’t want anyone hating or resenting each other or not trusting anymore.
Thanks for reading x
12 Replies
Does your daughter have a history of being a bit light fingered or has this sort of come out of the blue?
If this sort of thing has never happened before I'd tell them both that they can sort it out between themselves, the ring has turned up - no harm done!
It may very well have ended up in your daughter's jewellery box by a genuine accident. I'm gonna be honest, if i took someone's very expensive engagement ring, the last place I'd hide it would be in MY jewellery box!
Which brings me to my next question. What's your daughter and your sisters (and her fiance) relationship like? Is this living arrangement working out ok?
It's just the cynic in me can't help but wonder if the ring was planted in there as a "reason" to get rid of your daughter...
If this has been an issue in the past, I think it'd be wise to get your daughter some help with her metal health, opportunistic theft like this can be a symptom of something more underlying.
Yes and who 'found' the ring.
Kleptomaniac is doing it over and over again. It's not being able to resist the idea of stealing. So I think it's jumping the gun to state she is a klepto with this first instance and without a proper medical diagnosis. I have a sibling who is klepto and it isn't like what you've said, they just do it over and over without any intervention but whenever my sibling is caught, they admit it and don't know why they've done it (but say it gives a thrill).
I don't know how you'd feel about this, however what about threatening to get the police in to do fingerprints? Something to scare her.
Yes.
Kleptomania is a compulsion.
Stealing is usually fueled by greed or self entitlement.
There is a difference and recognising it will help guide this young woman back to the right path.
However, I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss your daughter's pleas of innocence.
Kleptomaniacs steal compulsively. You have described one incident. If it’s one incident I can see easily how a ring can end up in the wrong place for many reasons. I think if this is a one off you take your daughter me word for it and find a solution to get her through the next couple of weeks. Even if that means you going to stay there for a few weeks.
If this is an ongoing pattern though then she needs an assessment from a psychologist.
How old is she? Sounds a bit odd. Why would she put it in her jewelry box if she did steal it? Is that not a bit of a silly place to put it? Wouldn't she hide it better than that if she did steal it? Could someone have set her up?
Also for now, I would have no hesitation in reassuring your daughter that you believe her completely, but that you still need to get to the bottom of it. And if she has amy more info she needs to tell you, and if she remembers that she did touch/move it then she needs to tell you asap. If it turns out to be untrue, then she can face the music of breaking your trust.
Do they have a cleaner? Is it possible it has been found and put in the first safe place and your daughter has nothing to do with it?
Hi ladies,
Thank you for your thoughts.
This has been an isolated incident. I’m still not any clearer on how the ring ended up in my daughters jewelry box but I do believe my daughter. I feel I can her in her voice that she is telling the truth.
It was my sister who found the ring, she was in my daughters room as they had some kind of workman there (electrician etc)
My daughter is staying with other family for the time being and moving the day after her school formal.
I think things have become strained anyway with living with my sister, they have a 6 year old and I think have come to the end of having her there with them.
Thankful for their help in having her, shit ending but oh well.
Getting her home and we’ll move on :)
If anything comes to light or any other incident of stealing etc then I will be getting her help.
Thanks again IM’s
The 6yr old may have had a hand in this
My gut feeling is the 6 year old has a hand in this. If there has been tension, the little one might have thought this would be a way to get your sighted out of the house. Kids get some crazy ideas in their heads sometimes.
Your daughter has to be in grade 10, 11 or 12. Someone that age would find a much better spot to hide a ring then in her jewellery box. Something doesn't seem right. I also don't think your sister is involved because with only a few weeks left until she returned home it doesn't make sense that she would have planted it.