I’ve been divorced from my children’s dad since 2012. We have three sons, 15, 12 and 9. I’m asking my ex husband to pay half of our son’s school fees and fees for big things like school camps from now on, as I’ve been really struggling to do it all on my own. I work part time and try to get as many extra hours as I can.
I receive nothing at all in child support and know I will never get it, as he is kept by his partner and doesn’t have a job at all. I do know she gives him a fair amount of money, as my sons have told me.
He’s gotten quite stroppy about having to pay for half of their school fees and has left angry messages on my phone.
Am I indeed being unreasonable in expecting him to contribute to their schooling?
I’ve told the schools I will only be paying half and indeed I will absolutely be refusing to pay the other half.
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
14 Replies
Good for you! Sounds like a dead beat, sitting on his arse just so he doesn't have to pay child support, pathetic! I love that schools bill parents individually. Stick to your guns, ignore his messages.
He should definitely be paying half of the school fees! The fact he pays no child support sucks so you should hold him accountable where you can.
Unreasonable - God, no.
What will happen if he doesn't pay their school fees though? Will that impact their schooling?
Put in a claim with child support! He will be held accountable and the debt will accumulate even when the kids are adults the debt will still be there and he will have to pay it somehow!
So if he doesn’t pay his half what happens to the children and their schooling. It’s shitty that he doesn’t pay child support but you shouldn’t be bitter about him being kept by his partner. That is their choice. Your kids are old enough for you to get a full time job and sort it all out.
That's exactly my thoughts!
I'm assuming it's a private school too, they aren't particularly accommodating if the fees aren't paid so the kids will be the ones to suffer because I can't see dad voluntarily paying them.
If the school fees are killing you, you're probably going to need to increase your income or move them to a school you can afford.
Did you all miss the part where she is always trying to get more hours? Why shouldn't Dad pay half the school fees? Maybe his partner should pay, why marry someone with kids and then get sore about having to pay for them? Quite obvious Dad is not working to avoid child support. The kids should not have to move just because their Dad is a dead beat.
Of course the father SHOULD pay half their school fees, I just don't think realistically that's something he'll actually do. So, if he doesn't pay 'his half' the kids are likely gonna have to move either way, because schools really don't give a hoot about all this stuff. They just want their money...
All we can do in this life is live within our means, the OP has no means coming in from her ex, it's not gonna do her well to start relying on money she won't get from him now, so the advice to find cheaper schooling or find a way to make the current school work within her budget (most likely, increasing her income) is appropriate advice.
You're not being unreasonable, however maybe the better word to use is unrealistic. If you aren't receiving CS then you work within your means, assuming he's attending a private/catholic school if you are having to pay for fees and larger expenses. It's something you need to work into your budget knowing full well you won't be getting the money you want and need.
It's not the schools fault nor problem if you cannot pay and quite frankly, they won't give a rats arse who pays as long as they get their money. By refusing to pay you're letting your son down and he's the one who will suffer. Have a look into other options such as public schooling. It's not their job to chase up a domestic dispute and they won't.
The school can bill parents individually. This happened to a friend they got billed individually 50% each, in her case the other parent didn't cough up and his half was eventually sent to debt collectors but they let the kids stay, but she had to pay full fees the following year.
I very highly doubt your friend said “just bill the dad” and the school did that. They legally cannot just sent a bill worth thousands for something that is a cosmetic dispute. If it went to court the school would have no leg to stand on and the mum would have to foot the bill (and lawyer fees most likely).
There is a payment form asking who is getting billed and what percentage each person pays. Not anything to do with the parent just saying bill the other parent and the school dodgying up some paperwork. If both parents have signed enrolment forms then both parents can be billed individually.
Call the child support agency and speak to them. They can get something out of him somehow I am sure. If you aren't getting child support he should definitely be paying half. Let child support go after him is the best way, then he can't abuse you about it. They deal with it all.
Yes he should pay, not unreasonable at all. Will he pay, probably not. The joys of dealing with ex's!!