2am half way through the deed.. my 11 yo starts crying, I go and see whats up, she is hysterical because she heard us having sex. I calmed her down, asked if she wants to talk about it, she didn't want to so I said I will have a chat to her tomorrow. Whats the best way to handle this situation so it doesn't scare her for life?
Feeling like the shitest parent in the world right now.
My child heard us having sex
My child heard us having sex
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt
10 Replies
Oh no! Mortifying for all of you. I would be tempted to tell her she must have been having a bad dream š. What exactly did she hear? Husband heard his parents having sex when he was about the same age and he ended up yelling out "Can you guys just be quiet!!" He said there was a deathly silence after that š. No advice for you I am sorry but know that its not as bad as you think and you're not the only one.
Why was she crying? If you sounded hurt, just say bad dream. I think you can say just about anything other than telling her that you were having sex. At 11, she doesn't need to know that. I would be conscious of noise from now on though
Ohhh there are worse things! 11 is old enough that she probably has some idea of what was going on. Just ask her about how she's feeling, make sure she feels safe and heard throughout your chat, obviously apologise for scaring her but let her know there's nothing to be afraid of. If you lie to her she's going to know you're lying (if not immediately then in a few years). If your honest and comforting then it could be a good conversation opener for when you do decide to have "the talk" with her.
I heard my parents, walked in on my parents and while I thought I was scarred as a teenager I ended up fine lol.
I told my 11 year old son we were ok, doing adult things and Iām sorry he heard us š¤£š¤£ he asked if I was ok because it sounded like I was being hurt. I reassured him I wasnāt being hurt and that he probably shouldnāt stand outside my door and if he is he needs to knock. Didnāt help if we forgot to turn off the baby monitor. š¬
Just explain to her that while it's embarrassing for both you and her that sex is part of being in love.
That you love her dad and when you're an adult that's how you express it.
Explain that sex is nothing to be ashamed about, but you will take care in the future tgat she doesn't hear!!
Maybe lock the door or something!!
Good luck mumma... 2am... unlucky!
Itās really not that big of a deal!? Explain in simple no nonsense (developmentally appropriate) terms what she heard and just move on, no guilt, no drama.
Our 15 year old girl walked in on her dad and I the other night, nothing was covered by sheets and it wasnāt exactly āvanillaā š¤¦š¼āāļø Yep, we were all a bit embarrassed but nobody cried and weāll all have a laugh about it together .... in about 5 years time š
I knew my parents used to have sex. Dad always had a packet of condoms in his top draw. It wasnāt hidden. Yet the only time I heard them doing it I was 15 and it still made me want to š¤®.
Thereās not much you can say except I understand why itās upsetting but you should be happy to know that you have parents that are in love and enjoy each otherās company. Leave it at that.
I knew my parents used to have sex. Dad always had a packet of condoms in his top draw. It wasnāt hidden. Yet the only time I heard them doing it I was 15 and it still made me want to š¤®.
Thereās not much you can say except I understand why itās upsetting but you should be happy to know that you have parents that are in love and enjoy each otherās company. Leave it at that.
My 11 year old would always wake and bang on the door cos she needed something, felt sick ect. I ended up saying to her when she goes into her room with her bestie or cousin to hang out and spend time together they like privacy, I donāt bang on the door every time and control what they are doing (like keep the door open, stay in there with them). I explained dad and I are having private time to do our own thing and spending time together. I asked her if she would like it if I did this same thing to her while having her time with people, she got it, I said unless you really really need something you canāt get yourself then donāt do that, stand at the door all mad š” š I sometimes apply cedarwood to her feet to aid deep sleep ššbecause she sleeps so lightly and intuitively wakes up most of the time.
Depending on the noises she heard - maybe grunts and moans etc, bed moving etc it may have scared her. She might of thought you were being hurt - not understanding what the noises were. Scared, confused and probably embarrassed - I totally can understand tears. I still remember hearing my parents in the midddle of the night and I thought there was something wrong with my mum lol - little did I know what it all meant!
Also you are not a shitty parent! ā¤ļø