does anyone have kids and your care arrangements/custody is different for each child, for whatever reason? eg - one lives with you full time, the other with their father etc....
I ask because I may need to ask my youngest sons (2yo) father to have him full time and come to me every second weekend and half holidays, due to issues with my eldest child (10yo) that I don’t want my youngest to witness or grow up with.. it’s pretty bad here at home, and I’m not coping at all, I’m beyond breaking point due to my eldests sons intense mental health issues... I’m beyond breaking point and my eldest needs my full attention...
My kids have different dads and the older 2 must live with me as they can’t live with their fathers, but my youngest has the option of going to his fathers...
I’m seriously broken and the thought of letting my 2yo go is killing me, yet I can’t keep it going the way it is here.. we currently do 50/50 with my 2yo and he has absolutely no issues with changeovers or anything so I don’t have any concerns with that, but my eldest is in a bad state and he needs me 100% which I cannot give him with my 2yo here.
How do you deal with this guilt of having one of your children not living with you??
His father lives 1.5hrs away too, so it’s not like I can just go around and see him whoever I like either...
I would have to have him every second weekend, and FaceTime during the weeks.
I would live with so much guilt everyday and even the thought of it sends me into full blown panic attacks...
I’m so torn at what’s best to do, help I need to save my eldest son but I feel like I’m giving up on my youngest 😭
6 Replies
I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's great that there's the option for him to live with his father though. It could just be temporary until things settle at home. Is your other son getting psychiatric help by a medical professional and is have they suggested anything regarding your youngest moving out?
My best friend grew up separately from her full sibling, she lived with dad and saw mum every second weekend and her sister grew up with mum and saw dad once a month. They went to the same school as one another though but eventually that changed. She's just as close with both parents :) and that was from a young age.
Thank you for your reply, that is very reassuring to know that your friend grew up with a healthy and happy relationship with both parents, even though seperate home life than her sister.
Yes my son does seek psych help, he’s on meds but just getting worse. It’s not a healthy environment for my 2yo to witness and unfortunately I’m the only person my 10yo has, he has no father or anyone else to step in and help.
I had a lady turn up at my doorstep a few days ago telling me my son had threatened to stab her son in the neck 😭 to which I broke down, obviously..
Oh my goodness mumma, that would have been absolutely devastating to hear. Was it that that lady's son antagonised your son and your son retaliated and said that? My husband was always labelled naughty, mean etc. for making threats but he was being bullied and was reacting to it (he has ADHD and a processing disorder) :(
He's so very lucky he has you to support him and that you recognise that this isn't healthy for your 2yo to witness. Hopefully it is only temporary. Is there any support or aid services that can potentially help you with your son? I hope you are doing okay :(
I’m so sorry your going through this! Only you can make the decision! Best of luck! Sending strength x
You are prioritising what you need to at this time and that makes you an awesome mum. You focus where you need to for now, you are already doing 50/50, sounds like his dad is pretty awesome, so it won’t be a huge transition for him. As the other ladies said, it’s not forever, it’s just a temporary solution and I hope things turn around with your ten year old xxxx
You're considering sending your child to his other loving parent to protect him and so he can flourish during the most important years of his development.
Do not feel guilty.
Feel proud of the strength, even considering that as an option, must take.
As someone who has lived in a home exposed to some incredibly difficult behaviour from a sibling, I wish this could have been an option for us to avoid being exposed to things that no-one should have to tolerate.