To begin I have purposefully left this so you can see my identity to circumvent the accusations I have seen on previous posts about this subject. I am not a step parent so we can get past those accusations and get to the problem.
I have seen too many posts recently of step parents asking for advice and getting attacked for it, the most recent one was of a step parent who was posting her first question on the subject and received accusations of trolling. Why are step parents not worthy of the same help and community that we are? If my son were to ever have a step parent I would hope that they would have assistance in whatever problems they are having.
There is a sad thing that happens sometimes after you give birth where the mother struggles to love her children like she thought she would. If a mother who has physically birthed her child can struggle with love then imagine what it would be like to have a child who you haven’t birthed, is already of an age where it’s harder to bond with you and sometimes that child is told by the other parent not to accept you and other horrible things.
Step parents are parents, they have issues the same as everyone and deserve the same respect and assistance as everyone else. Amazingly there are a lot of step parents so obviously there may be times where there are a lot of questions on the topic. Instead of attacking how about offering assistance as you would if they had been the bio mother.
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You're amazing ❤
This!!!!! Yes some of the things that have been said to these mothers are disgusting and the women who have replied as such should be ashamed of themselves. I too am not a step mother but have close relatives that are. And the common thread is they are all fighting similar battles...bonding and equality amongst the family unit.
Step parents have it just as hard if not harder than bio parents and we need to back them not tear them down. Just like we would with bio parents.
To clarify, step parents have always been accepted and have never been attacked on here.q
There's a specific issue recently of someone trying to make the point that they are and creating multiple posts and arguments.
I would also like to see the end of that.
You have got to be joking. I personally was told I was wicked, would move on to my next partner in 13 months, and I have been witness to others coping much worse. Pull your head out of your arse. This isn’t just a recent issue.
Yep! I got told once how my future was going to go too, also going as far as saying they hoped my children would be in a situation with an 'awful' stepmum like myself! They don't know you or your situation! You can't post a step parent question without being attacked. We have just as much right to post here as every other mum, bio or step
To clarify, the reason for this post is that I personally witnessed multiple step parents being attacked both on this site and on the Facebook page. Understand that though you haven’t experienced something that doesn’t mean that it hasn’t happened.
Did you see the comments the other day about the teacher? That was aimed at me. I didn't make a post to everybody about it. Try to look at the two responses I've received here again, as they also could be taken as really bloody mean.
How about just asking for responses to be kind and respectful as per page rules.
And starting off by giving it as well.
Were they in response to the post about the school work on students attendance? I disagreed with you but the comments after me were not nice at all! She was quite personal. I'm glad you ignored it she was obviously looking for a reaction.
Thank you x
As soon as I see multiple posts by teachers where they get attacked for just being teachers I will certainly address that issue as well. Everyone deserves respect and to not be attacked, and as I’m not anonymous it’s quite easy for you to see through the FB site that I don’t just talk the talk but I walk the walk as well.
I got absolutely SLAMMED for saying I didn’t like my step daughter! She’s 6 but has the manipulative abilities of a grown woman due to her attachment disorders, mental health issues and is physically violent. You should have seen the responses! If anyone lived my life for a day I would be surprised if they didn’t end up in jail for murdering her!
I think being a step parent is bloody hard and of course they deserve to vent occasionally.
There have been some excellent questions on here by step parents who have gotten some awesome well thought out responses.
But there have been times when the step parent has needed some tough love, just like any parent does and people have given it.
I often, rightly so, see people giving step mum the support and annoyance (rightly so) and bio-dad because he’s become an absentee parent leaving step mum to carry the weight he should be carrying for his kids.
Yes people on this page were suspicous because a few posts were near identical (a few minor details changed) to rev people up. This made everyone suspicious.
Tough love? I don’t see that sort of tough love being handed out to mums and that repeated post was a perfect example of that. Suddenly I’m supposed to be Carol Brady as a stepmum, be perfect and loving in every way yet as bio mum I’m allowed flaws and to be and “imperfect mum”.
The page is imperfect mum no specification on the type.
So sick of this debate. Responses will be different, take it or leave it but people can have opinions.
If your sick of it then move on and stop responding. People are welcome to their opinions but they are not welcome to be nasty trolls.
Thanks for posting this. I'm the one that was accused of being a troll when I had no clue of what had been going on. I wish I could post who I was instead of anon, but I'm too ashamed of myself and my feelings with the situation only for someone to see this and recognise me and think I'm being horrible when in fact, I am trying my damn hardest to combine both of our families. I'm just hoping that the love will come. And was just looking for hope and maybe some HELPFUL advice on the subject instead of being told what I shouldnt have done... Its too late for that and it doesnt help the situation in the slightest. It just makes me feel even worse. I'm not a bad person, all the children involved are looked after. Thanks again 💙
Really, if we could all just show a little respect that would solve these issues.
You can respectfully give opinions, you can respectfully offer perspectives and solutions that the OP may not have considered (or necessarily wanting to hear), you can also respectfully disagree!!
That applies to every post, not just ones from step mum's. I have seen on almost every post lately both step and bio mum's get unfairly crucified by at least one person, because they read way too far into everything and come up with wild conclusions.
Just don't be a dick!
Haha yeah, I find the Facebook comments are even more awful than some of the ones on here. Just dont be a dick for sure!
I think its just one poster ripping shreds off people for the fun of it. If you try and explain the situation further because she has gone so far away, she accuses you of all kinds of stuff its like gas lighting. I have been accused of having an unlivable filthy house and not feeding my step son, none of which she could have got from my post. She is abusive.
To be fair though, you became really nasty to a poster like myself on your second post. Laughing at the fact I thought I had a farm because I had a few horses when in actual fact we have a dairy farm. You took an almightier than thou approach and it was really mean. I’m not the person continuously commenting however you really were quite nasty to a fair few women. Respect and decency to one another goes a long way. It wasn’t myself who came to the conclusion your house wasn’t livable, another lady kept jumping onto my comments.
** that’s if the above poster is the lady who had the thread about the SS **
Thank you.
I am a step parent. When my husband and his two beautiful kids came to live with me the kids were 10 and 12. Mum lived locally but the kids lived primarily with us (mum & dad had a voluntary agreement where the kids stayed with mum every 2nd weekend, for mid-year school holidays and for 1/2 of the summer holidays).
Mum & dad weren't friends, but managed to work together on most issues. Mum and I were never friends, but we never had a major falling out. It was uncomfortable at times. I consciously never tried to replace mum and neither I nor dad ever put her down to the kids, but I know she felt threatened and made it uncomfortable for the kids when the two adult women in their lives were together.
Mum did not contribute financially other than caring for the kids while they were with her. Dad & I pooled resources - he was between jobs for the first six months or so, for the following 2 years I was the primary earner and for the last 4 years we earned roughly the same. I think it's fair to say that I contributed more than mum financially, as well as in day-to-day care (eg homework, cooking, cleaning, taxi duties, sports, parent-teacher interviews, shopping for clothes etc). But in return, I had so much more - a beautiful, happy family that I would never have otherwise have had (I was unable to have children of my own due to cancer treatement before I met my husband).
When my husband was offered his dream job he had to relocate to the other side of the country for 3 months. So during all that time it was just me, not mum, looking after the kids solo.
And yet, for all the time I was a step parent there were so many people who looked at me as some kind of interfering interloper. I did not cause the parents' break up. I did look after and love those kids and change my life so I could be a better carer. I used to be a care-free, financially independent, inner-city single but happily changed to a responsible, caring, suburban, financially co-dependant soccer mom. No complaints from me - I would do it again in a heartbeat.
The kids are now 19 (uni student) and 16.5 (year 11). Tragically, their mum passed away at the beginning of this year and just a few weeks ago their dad also passed away. Both from cancer.
The kids now live with me and will do so until they are ready to be independent. I will care for them and support them as long as they need me. I am now both mum and dad, but mostly friend.
So yes, give a little support to step-parents. I would never say they will love your babies exactly the same way you do but they do care for and support them when you're not around.
Amazing mumma. My condolences on your partner. How wonderful they have you and you them. Xoxo
Thats an amazing story, what a strong woman you are. Those poor kids orphaned at such a young age, they are so lucky to have you xxx Well done ❤
Both of my parents are step parents to my siblings and I have a step mum now that my parents are divorced. My mum loved all of us and even had a special bond with her step son, my dad disowned his mum because she treated my siblings on mums side differently to my siblings on dads side, and my step mum was happy and surprised that I get along with her because she had worried that as I was an adult when they got married I might reject her. Step parents get a bad rap but I can’t imagine what it would be like to take on a premade family.
In fairness, there has been plenty of posts in the past where step parents have been praised. The problem recently has been step parents being selfish and cold. The step mum who asked about the child's dog very recently didn't get slammed.
I agree there were some very cruel descriptions of step children and their behaviour.
I agree! I think she didn’t get slammed because she included all the necessary info for everyone to make a genuine conclusion, as opposed to so many posts leaving out the blanks and posters needing to use their imagination to fill them in.
Exactly. Not that personal attacks are ever ok but I feel like lately you can't even dare to disagree with or explain to a step parent what they are expecting is somewhat unreasonable without the "You're attacking me because I'm a step parent" thing...
Actually no, I'm not attacking you, I'm trying to get you to see there's perspectives other than yours!
So true!
I don’t post stuff because of this reason. I was attacked after posting something on another forum baby bump. I don’t know why so many are against step parents. It’s the hardest job especially in my case when the child has behaviour issues like ODD. Having no control of a child in your own home, being treated like garbage and all the while doing everything for them, loving them and getting nothing back except ‘your not my mother’. It’s bloody hard 😢