How do you deal with not being the favourite child? down to the fact the dogs take priority over you!! I can never go to her with a problem as the answer is always " I don't want to know or not my problem"
While growing up mum spent most of her time chasing after my brother, leaving me at home by myself or if she was at work I had to look after my brother. Yet if I say anything the answer is that's in the past.
Last night we went out for my birthday day which was a big mistake as she felt like she forced into coming and not attend her greyhounds graduation.
I guess I have always felt on the outer and hoped one day it might change but the reality is my brother is the golden child and always will be.
8 Replies
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Would you consider asking her to come to maybe a group counselling session where you can openly express your feelings, just so she knows how you are feeling?
Does she possibly have a mental health issue where she is prioritising her dog over you?
If it's causing you a lot of angst and pain then I would consider removing her from your life, at least until the pain passes which I imagine it won't. More so, accepted
Slightly different in my situation as my mum definitely doesnt have a favourite, she treats us all with equal disdain.
My mum kind of acts like her parenting role ended the day we moved out (we all moved out at 15/16 years old), I can't turn to her for support or even just to vent, she's always made it clear that whatever's going on in her life (usually some dickhead bloke) is more important than us, deliberately makes other plans on our birthdays so she doesn't have to come, when I do see her she makes it apparent that she'd rather be anywhere else in the world.
So I know full well how much it hurts to have this kind of relationship with your mother, especially when you see other ladies with their mum's and how close they are, it's really painful.
I had to put some distance in our relationship, just for the sake of my mental health. Her cold indifference was just not good for my self esteem! The other part of me just had to accept that this is how she is, she's never gonna be the mother or grandmother I want her to be.
Stop asking her for advice or inviting her to things since your existence is such an inconvenience to her! Don't put yourself through it. My Mum favours my other 2 siblings and their kids more than me and mine and it hurts. I brought it up with her once and she said my kids get a lot of attention from my inlaws so she doesn't really need to be there for them. Which is untrue anyway so when it comes to award nights, concerts, birthdays etc my kids have no extended family there but when its my nieces and nephews everyone is there. Its just easier to block them all out rather than put myself through that.
Stop chasing her!fill your tank up with those who deserve your energy.
I know how this feels, seems my younger brother is the favorite to my mother. Same situation I feel like I was either left out or left to take care of my brother, otherwise I was with other family members and yeah, it sucks..
But I suppose I just kind of took it in my stride, learnt what not to do with my kids.. It hits a nerve when people ask about it, but I've also talked to my partner about a lot of issues I feel have effected me..
I mean I could ask for advice but shes never been much help really. Seems like it's not been a massive interest of hers..
I kind of just stopped sharing things over time, went elsewhere with my problems. Accepted that there were more important things in her life than me.. and treat my children better as a consequence.
Its sucky, and it hurts, but I dunno.. you cant really change peoples views or how they behave.
Just cut her out and live your life. I did it and while we are closer again. It was the best years not stressing over her! Focus on those who matter and make the effort with you:)
Narcissistic.... the golden child in my family changes from time to time but yes the dogs take priority over everybody.
Sounds like you have been raised by a narcissistic mother.
People look down upon you when you work it out and choose as an adult especially a female adult to put an end to the relationship or some distance there. But you need to protect yourself and the only way you can protect yourself from a narcissist is to take a big step back or cut off all contact.
My little sister is the golden child. When ever I talk to my mum all she talks about is my sister did this and that. How great my sister is because she went to uni, how great she has her dream job. Ugh I hardly ring her now. I'll never live up to my sister