Hi guys!
My 2 kids are hitting those later primary school years (year 4 and 5), and we are now starting to get that name brand pressure, which I honestly wasn't expecting until high school.
Anyway, this is affecting my oldest more so.
He's been dealing with comments from school mates that his shoes are cheap (which I might add they weren't - they're just not a sports brand) , getting teased because he's got a cheap big W backpack, he's had comments about having Kmart school pants (our school has navy blue bottoms and are pretty relaxed about styles and where you get them from) and not sports brand ones, there was even a competitive issue with surf shop brand socks 🙄. I also told him he could have a phone when he starts grade 6 (as he'll be making his way to and from school on his own), I was planning on getting him a cheaper prepaid smart phone but he's insisting the other kids will make fun of him if it's not a Samsung or Apple, because other phones are for poor people (I don't even have an expensive phone so this won't be happening).
I grew up poor and envying the kids who had all the cool name brand stuff, so part of me is tempted to go out and buy him all this name brand stuff he wants.
Then of course the other sensible part of me is like, this is ridiculous, I'm not spending a mint on "logos" that he'll grow out of in 6 months (nor can I really afford to).
My kids school is a public one, however it's in a quite affluent area, I have noticed this brand name obsession is just as prevalent in the parents, a lot of them opely turn their noses up at the "cheap stuff", this whole attitude is really ingrained in the school community I think.
(Not that I'm judging anyone who buys designer or brand name stuff, what people chose to wear makes no difference to me - just had to throw this out there before someone gets on my back about being "judgy").
(The school is aware of this issue, the principal actually really dislikes this sort of thing but there's not much he can do about it).
I have told my son, if someone cares how much and what brand your clothes are, they're not really your friend but i dont think that's had much of an impact with him.
I'm kind of at a loss, I don't want to teach him that "stuff" matters, but I also want him to fit in.
How would you handle this?
8 Replies
I am so glad my kids have bypassed all of this, country kids don't care about this stuff. I do remember it myself growing up though, Mum was not well off but would buy me a brand name school bag, hat and one set of clothes for Christmas. If you can afford to you could get them to earn their own money to buy the brands, so in a way yes they are giving in to the pressure but they're using their own money to pay for these things which is a much better lesson than just getting the brand name stuff. You could put towards what you would normally spend on that stuff and they just have to make up the rest.
Also, keep an eye on surf stitch if you don't already. They have all the major brands and sales all the time. They have a clearance section too I have bought a few things for my step kids from there.
Funnily enough, I have noticed this in the public system too where the rules are flexible and there's not a strict dress code.
Private - whole different story. Had to have a school backpack, specific uniform and even special school socks. No chance of anyone caring and honestly we all wore kmart clothes on free dress days anways.
Maybe for xmas he can get one item say a pair of socks that are brand name and a backpack. Just something but not everything (if it really is important to him). Or, to maybe prove to him how expensive the stuff is, make him work to earn some money to put towards it. Even if it's just a pencil case or wallet.
As for the phones, you can pick up some iPhones cheap second hand on Facebook, particularly the older 6 models (about $200). I do like that you can track them down with find my iphone and keep tabs on them if you wanted to using the newer tech models.
I’d be inclined to cave. School can be so tough. As others said maybe just gift these items Xmas and birthday.
We are sending our son to a little catholic school where everything is unified school bags socks etc and at first being a public school girl myself I Was a bit sad he didn’t get to choose his own school bag now I’m relieved 😅.
I was really lucky growing up I always had brand named clothes etc and I am guilty of dressing my own kids that way too. But I’m frivolous with money... and that’s my lifestyle choice. I may regret it later who knows but for now...
I don’t look down my nose at others who don’t spend money in a similiar way though!
My kids have never gone through this (18,16,13) but I think it’s partially been avoided by buying the occasional pieces of brand name and teaming them with Kmart etc. My 16 year old boy is an absolute fashion wh-re but I keep him shut up by buying from Culture Kings online when they have sales. So I regularly get 5 pieces for $100 or less. I keep a close eye of shoe sales as well and can usually pick up great shoes around $50. I NEVER pay full price.
I think there's a limit, you have to live in your budget.but you buy sales, you get brand name super cool things for xmas, birthdays, easter.
They can choose brand name pencil case lunchbox. Swimmers. But then the rest is in budget & thats just the way it is.
You offer the phone you can afford or an iPhone of similar cost second hand. Or a more expensive one but no trip to the water park for eg. They can learn about money and make choices.
I too was the kid that never had the good stuff but can now afford nice things I feel for your son. I know it hurts but in reality you are building his confidence I now do not care what I wear or what anyone thinks some days I wear designer other days $10 Kmart pants...and I still am who I am in either.
Where are you? There are surf outlets at the gold Coast. Hubby buys shorts there because the quality is good so he has some pairs going strong that he got at 17 and we're 38. They're much cheaper from there. I also bought 10 billabong shirts off amazon a few years ago for $80 because hubby's shirts were dying. I normally go to kmart but what they had at the time was a bit girly for his tastes. Otherwise, do what I got as a kid, 1 surf shirt or something for a birthday as the main gift. As the kid who never had name brand (1 had 1 shirt and hubby still laughs that I wore it to every free dress day in primary and early highschool) I get his desire, but I also think he needs to understand that financial decisions should be made with thought of quality vs financial capacity. There are lots of brands that are quality that are cheaper than Samsung and apple. Frankly, they all do the same thing. Paying 2 or 3 times more just for a brand is crazy. True friends won't judge.