I'm 23 and I have 2 girls 2.5 yrs old and 1.5 yrs old and i don't like any part of being a mum! The early mornings, the never being left alone, the constantly having to get up for something. They both wake during the night still, older one more often than the younger one. I don't like playing with them at all, it annoys me. I also never wanted girls before i had a boy and even though you can't pick the gender i dislike that i have girls not boys cause it's ruined my fantasy of the perfect family. I've thought seriously about putting them in care or up for adoption or whatever it is that happens these days, but i can't stand the idea of someone else looking after them cause they're soo fussy with everything and just don't like the idea of someone else raising my babies even though i hate it so. and everything else that i haven't mentioned i really don't like either. i constantly feel stuck n 'trapped' in my house too cause i'm just a SAHM with no car or license or job of my own. i know i'm a terrible person for thinking these sorts of things but i guess i just needed to tell someone, whether this gets any answers or not.
I think i hate being a mum!!
I think i hate being a mum!!
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Self Care, Sisterhood Stories, Kelly (IM2), Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Baby & Toddler
9 Replies
Hey I don't think you're a terrible person - but prepare for some hateful/unhelpful comments once this is posted on IM Facebook page. It's a hard life been a mum, and I think for a lot of us we romanticise it growing up and when reality hits it hits hard! Not having time to yourself and not sleeping well will drive anyone mad. I think you really need to stop and think about what steps to take next. Do you either A) Give them up for adoption or B) Try your hardest to improve your life and your happiness therefore improving your children's lives. Plus you're 23! It's hard when you're so young and already have two babies, this should have been the time you were blowing off smoke and living life before you settled down. Do you have anyone at all to help you? Parents? Partner? Trusted friend? Ask for help! Even if it's once a month or two for you to go out with your girlfriends. Try and take time to do things you enjoy without your little girls that way you will appreciate the time you do have with them. I would be looking at working on their sleep routines! That's probably number 1, you need sleep!!! Lack of sleep makes me one miserable and mean mummy. I think you really need to try and change your thought pattern, okay so maybe this isn't what you had in mind but having 2 little girls so close in ages means they will probably be best friends growing up and because you're so young they will probably have a better relationship with you! Imagine all the fun you can have when they grow up. Maybe you should also look into getting a job or going back into some form of study.
I felt the same. Id guess you probably also have depression, feeling like you dont enjoy anything at all is a sign. Try making some changes, im working full time now and it suits me much better. I still feel exhausted at the thought of a long weekend though... I had to make an effort to go out and meet a friend, i wouldve loved to lay on the couch and chilled out in peace and quiet! But no, thats not our life anymore. Doesnt mean we cant find ways to have it sometimes though. Maybe see a dr... You need to do things in your life that make you happy, and things that make you feel accomplished. And you need to get sleep/rest, even one day a week, make use of friends, family, childcare, there is options. Try to make some practical changes in your life, i know its a big effort at first, but as you do it your mindset is likely to change and get more positive.
I think you need to take action NOW. Being a mum is a tough gig, but you chose it! Go get yourself some counselling now. I can't help but feel a little annoyed at how you feel about your kids given that a) some people would desperately want ANY child and can't have them and b) some people have seriously ill children and all they want is for their child to feel well. If your trapped in the house do something about it, we all have options. You could take some driving lessons, catch a bus (my mum did this with three kids 4 and under because in those days nobody had 2 cars). Go and enrol in a night class, anything! Your not a victim and life is what you make it. If your kids are bad sleepers start working on that. If you don't like being a SAHM get a job.
Wow previous poster was harsh. This is not a place for judgement but for offering help - in a nicer way!!!!
Yes i agree. Other peoples situations dont make your feelings invalid. And if thoughts and feelings like this were that easy to just shake off, mental health issues wouldnt exist!
I hear you! I don't think you're a terrible person. I have felt the same way at times. You have to set some goals. Things to work towards, maybe do some online study from home, then when the girls go to school you'll be qualified to get a job you might be interested. Maybe try and get some driving lessons. If you can't afford them could you take in some ironing so you can pay for them? (Just a thought, I've been a SAHM and know money can be tight).
I feel so sorry for you and your girls. You sound lost and wanting something to do for your self. The previous post about study sounds like a great idea. Sorry for your children that you feel that alone, and that unhappy with your life that your willing to consider giving your children up for adoption. Having someone take them away from everything they have ever known and place them somewhere else is very drastic. We all have our bad days your extremely lucky to be able to be a SAHM, kids are full on, they do expect a lot out of us but that's what we signed up for when we decided to have children and be a parent
Honey I'm 29 and some days I feel the same way. Why are my kids battling against me for everything? Why won't my toddler eat? Why won't my baby stop crying??? I hated hated HATED the feeling of restriction and no me time. I felt like my kids hated me and were doing this on purpose. Along with the feeling trapped in my own home with no life, I also felt rage towards my children, my husband, everyone that tried to offer advice. Turns out I am suffering from post natal depression and have been since my first was born. I'm not suicidal, I don't want to harm my babies, but I'm not "right" at the moment. I feel down, alone and very very lost. My advice is to get yourself to a dr and talk about your feelings. Also I found having a good solid routine prepared ME for each day. I knew that my kids would only sleep 40 mins maximum, so I managed after a few weeks to get two of their day sleeps to coincide with each other and I scored 15 mins peace & quiet during those two times. And instead of doing the dishes or hanging out the washing, I put my music on and read a book, or took a bath and relished the silence. You are not a terrible person, you just need to turn your thought pattern around and look at the positives. I had no idea how to play with kids, I felt weird and awkward talking to this little person but I put it into my mind that it's my job to mold these kids into the best adults they can be. And that made me have a sense of purpose. Good luck, I wish you all the best, I just want you to know you're not alone but please seek help sooner rather than later xoxo
Hello Anonymous,
My heart broke reading your post :-( You are not a terrible person, but are just aware of a situation that needs change. And I hope you are able to move forward from where you are now - for you and your kids.
Some things that came to mind I wanted to share: Your children are still very young, and such high maintenance at this age - so I hope being on 'The Imperfect Mum' you will be able to meet some people who are on the 'other side' of toddlers. This high demand stage is not forever, and soon they will be able to communicate and interact with you more.
Also, you too are very young, and probably feel you are missing out with so much responsibility. Maybe make sure you have some you time too - and that your girls have a break with someone who loves them too. Do you have any family support to help with this?
Maybe, you could look into doing some study online to satisfy the need to do more while you don't have a licence or job? It would equip you for when you are looking for an occupation again, and also fulfill the need to achieve more.
Big hugs, and here for you xKelly