*not for facebook!*
I'm a single mum. My ex left me out of nowhere last year. He never talked to me when he was upset about something, he kept all his emotions bottled up so I never knew anything was wrong. I thought our relationship was good and he just up and left. I wasn't prepared. I have asked him to give our relationship another chance and he has refused. I had to get extra hours at work and I now work full time. I'm too exhausted to be working and keeping everything else going and I have some health issues as well and am not allowed to drive because of them. So I have to walk or taxi everywhere. I'm struggling so much. I have offered money to people to take my kids places but they have said no. My kids are completely different ages and they all need to go to different places. I'm so tired all the time. All I want to do is lay in bed all day and cry. I've tried reaching out to people but they usually just try to one up me and say how their problems are worse. I'd like to do counselling but how can I when I work all week and don't have anyone who can look after the kids when I go? I can't take them, I've already asked. Everyone says I need to keep going and be strong for my kids but I can no longer pour from an empty cup. I don't know how much longer I can do this. Thanks for letting me vent.
How can I get help?
How can I get help?
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Self Care, Parenthood Guilt, Baby & Toddler, Kids
12 Replies
Hi love. Yes I've been in your boat and there is a general opinion of 'its tough but you just get on and do it's these people really don't understand being totally alone.
You do need counselling, because you need to be speaking to someone that gets it and gives you the validation and help that you need.
There is a way forward, without your ex. It's not healthy to go back to him. But you need to get life working for you.
Have you looked into centrelink and reducing your work hours? Or maybe reducing living costs somehow.
I've been where you are and it's so lonely, but now 2 years later I have slowly built a support network of trusted people and have people to call for help or to watch the kids. It's still not all perfect, but so much better than before. Slowly slowly, we try and we get there. You definitely need the ongoing help of a psychologist who can help you through this though. Prioritise that. Keep asking until you work it out. Try a women's centre, they understand and welcome kids. They do social activities too.
Thanks. We live pretty basic as it is and I don't want to rely on Centrelink. The town I live in doesn't have a woman's shelter, it's not a huge town. I will keep trying with counselling though. It's just hard because with the big age gaps not all my kids can go to after school care or daycare etc as one is too young or too old and it's hard to take them so many places when I don't drive (not by choice either)
Ok, sounds like you have a few things on your plate.
1. Support/friends.
2. Counselling.
3. Daycare/babysitter.
4. A way to get around.
5. Tiredness and self care.
You could start by finding solutions to each of those. Baby steps. Choose one for now. Ask people, try things out, put the word out and see what comes back to you.
Ignore any negative talk that says but I cant and lists all the reasons. There is a way and you can and will find it.
Are you in Melbourne? If so, I’d like to help look after them for free. You need a break x x x
Aww you are very sweet. That is a lovely offer. But no, I'm in Qld x
There is no shame in stepping back from work and getting Centrelink. Your children have also been through a tough time and they will need your presence. They need a mum who can function and it sounds like that’s not happening. I’m a single mum of 5, 95% of my money goes to bills and debt because I only work 14 hours a week. I had to prioritise my and the children’s well-being after my marriage broken down. It’s not forever but you need time to heal xoxo
Same. I do need to work and it saves my sanity. But full time is just too much. The right balance is everything.
If I cut hours I couldn't afford the counselling (I can't do free ones as I already have used free ones up for something else) sigh I'm a mess :(
You would have time for your health though. Time for your kids. Time to get them where they all need to go. Time to make friends. It takes off a lot of stress. It's a choice only you can make but if it's not working for you now, something's got to give.
That's true. Maybe I could just cut back a few hours a week and see how I go.
There are loads of free or low cost counselling services. I see a chaplain at my church weekly and my psychologist through a woman’s health centre for $10 per visit.
I don't live in a big area and have already used my free counselling for something else. There aren't a lot of options here sadly. We don't even have a woman's health centre. I have been thinking about moving but my kids love it too much here. Gah :(