I know most of you will probably suggest to get some professional help, but I just feel like seeing someone and talking about these issues will just make me dwell on them more, so I’m really stuck.
I had a very traumatic birth with my first child over 5 years ago. It resulted in an emergency c section and the aftercare at my local hospital was absolutely disgraceful. I ended up with an infection and stayed in hospital for 5 weeks. I am currently 31 weeks pregnant with our second and it’s been really hard to decide on what sort of birth, either VBAC or RCS. After weeks of contemplating, and getting my hubbies input, we have decided to go with an elective c section at 39 weeks. I’ve had an uneventful pregnancy so far, everything has been fine. I have a BMI of 34, I weigh around 110kg, so me being overweight is my only real health condition. I’ve been trying not to think about it too much, but at every midwife/OB appointment I just break down in tears over my fears of having another baby. I have nightmares about me dying and leaving behind my hubby and my gorgeous son. I find that when the thought crosses my mind (which is quite frequently), I quickly start a conversation with my hubby about something, or I turn the TV on and watch something to take my mind off it. I am just absolutely terrified that something is going to go wrong during this c section, or that I’ll get a blood clot and not know and die, or that something bad will happen, and no matter how much I try and talk myself down off the ledge, I just can’t seem to get these thoughts out of my head. I’ve even thought about writing a ‘goodbye’ letter to my son and hubby in case something happens. When I think about the moment I will have to kiss my little guy goodbye before surgery, I just completely break down. Its so bad that I’ve even been sleeping with my 5 year old son in his bed, just so I can make the most of the time with him before I have the surgery. I have seen a specialist in the past (3 years ago) about my first birth and she diagnosed me with PTSD from the experience, but I just feel like if I go and see someone about my fears and thoughts, it will make me think about them even more and I won’t be able to function. I feel like the last few months I’ve been living with a terminal illness and just making the most of the time left I have with my family (even though I don’t have an illness and things will probably work out just fine)....... I know that sounds so ridiculous but I’m just so riddled with fear and I just can’t let it go.
I’m not really sure what I am after here, maybe just some reassurance or maybe if there are any women who have been in a similar situation, can you share your stories? Thanks Mums.
Birth Trauma / Fear of second birth
Birth Trauma / Fear of second birth
Posted in:
Mental Health, Pregnancy
6 Replies
You are already dwelling on it. The idea about psychology is not to go and talk about the issue again and again. It’s about talking it out and then finding strategies to help you through this time.
It can take some time to get into see a psychologist and I hope a GP can help get you in faster.
Try hypnobirthing
I had 2 teuanaric natural births, I was exactly the same 2nd time around. With my 3rd pregnancy I was told I needed a cercerean, I was petrified. I must say once I went in very anxious and shaking. I realised it was the safest way possible for me to have my baby and it wasn’t as bad as I expected. I felt safe knowing my baby would be out very quickly and we were both in the best care possible. Try not to over think it. You will be fine and delivering this baby in the safest way. It’s such a relief having a cesarean after traumatic births. You will be ok try not to stress.
Oh mumma I hear you very well I had 2 very traumatic births both c sections. Except ended up dying twice on the operating table with my second and ending in ICU. My best bit of advice is to see someone get some counselling, find something that's going to keep your mind active and not focus on what is happening.
My 1st was traumatic too, I had a baby not breathing and had to be suctioned and revived after being pulled out with a vacuum, spent a week in special car, I had an infection, a wheelchair, a episiotomy, a catheter.
My 2nd was a sudden birth, very easy. Each is different.
You will be absolutely fine. I had similar fears when I had my gallbladder removed (did my will etc). It's difficult and it's hard to let go of the feeling something will go wrong, but you have to scrape your confidence together. Is there something you can do to help you - a journal, writing, drawing, something small you can carry with you. Some people like the repetitive nature of crochet/knitting. Something that keeps you occupied when you feel panic.
My experience -
1st was an elective CS at 41 wks - overdue, huge bub (he was something like 4.3kgs) and breech. Recovery was painful and long, but the op itself was excellent with no problems.
2nd was a vbac - waters went at 36wks, induced a couple days later, they had to suction cup the little sucker out as I was exhausted. He was sent to NICU and I had to have the placenta etc scraped out as it had attached to old CS scar. Painful long recovery, and if I had to choose again I would have a CS instead.