I don't know how to handle this situation ......my ex husband has remarried ,that's not the problem .it happened6 months ago and he hasn't told our kids ,they don't know this woman ,that also isn't the issue . the problem is that it was deliberately not told to me or the kids and apparently all his family knew ,these people I've had in my home for Christmas ,overnight stays ,birthday parties .
I'm shattered by the ease that they deceived us .(wedding ring removed before visits and things like that ) .( this families default setting is lying and being deceitful ) but I was sure that after the hell I went through with my ex ,they wouldn't want to carry on this behaviour to another generation ,do I tell my kids he has remarried or wait for him to do it ,do I confront them over the deceit . I hate lies and feel this could hurt my kids by finding out so far after it happened .
what do I do ............
Edit : He lives in another state and only sees his kids 5 times a year ( his choice) I try to get him to have more contact and spend more time
The kids are 7 and 10
8 Replies
Yes tell the kids and confront the others!
This is a hard one. Because at the end of the day it's about what's best for the kids. So yes, be angry at the lot of them, that's a given. But how to proceed... I think you should tell him you know and ask him why he didn't tell them.
If theres no compelling reason or way to explain to him that its not the best choice, then tell him to tell them at next visit, or you will. Because I think it will hurt them more to hear from you that hes lied to them. I would do the same to the family, I would give them hell for putting your kids in that situation and tell them.theyd better tell the truth because when the kids find out, they will work out who's also lied to them.
Why would they hide it though? If your kids have seen him in this time how come they don't know his wife?
I’d be very very calm.
Send them a text saying congratulations on your marriage. When do you plan to announce to the kids?
They have gone about this entirely the wrong way. Ridiculous (I can only guess they were wrongly worried about the fall out).
This is now handling it the best way to not shocking the kids. If you get upset they will definitely be upset. They should be allowed have there feelings on there own. But open the conversation with the ex.
Behind closed doors I’d be livid!
I can say from experience, finding these sort of things out along the grapevine is gut wrenching. Hearing it from you will still be a bit of a blow but they will appreciate your honesty and it saves them from hearing it from someone else or finding out accidentally.
It might be helpful to mention how old the kids are too, if they're still little they may not really see the big deal but if they're older they'll definitely get what's going on.
I personally would let your ex tell them. He only sees the kids 5 times a year I don't think it would have a huge impact on them, especially if they knew her before the marriage.
I'm.more shocked that dad did not tell the kids or meet the new Mrs or invite them.to the wedding.
Well all 3!!!
Bugga the family.
It's him if be more worried about!!
This behavior just peeves me off. Lying by omission. It happens with my in laws. I ask if people are coming over Christmas and they know full well I mean all of the holiday period and I get “no” for them to turn up Boxing Day. Lying by omission is still lying in my book. I know word things very carefully to get honesty.
Tell your ex you know and that he needs to tell your/his kid and that you won’t lie for him.
Confront your visiting family as to why they decided to hide it and that you’re not impressed by the deceit.
For those saying it’s not your business, I say BS, you have kids together who he sees so that’s how it’s your business.
Don’t let the kids see your annoyance it won’t help.