Hey mummas,
I’m feeling really down this Easter and just wanted to put my feelings out there and see if any of you go through the same.
Well I’m not the same ethnicity as my MIL and it seems to be a big problem for her she refuses to speak English to me or in front of me but has perfect English skills in front of other people I feel so left out like it’s deliberate. My husband will tell her time and time again to speak English and she tells him she can’t. More to the point today is Easter and I try so hard to please everyone I made desserts this year and I tried so hard I’m not the best cook but I’m okay other people eat my food but this year she wouldn’t even try what I made and said it would be disgusting, I made a cake and tiramisu. I tried so hard but I have feelings too. Sometimes I don’t like her food but I never say anything other than compliments. My husband lets her go and doesn’t comfort me in anyway I’m tired of being excluded and not good enough. I love my husband and know he loves his parents so I feel like just walking away instead of saying anything.
MIL Exclusion
MIL Exclusion
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Self Care, Food
9 Replies
Your MIL is being an ass. And your husband is being a bigger ass for letting her. Is there any other clues that suggest he doesn't respect you and so his family don't have to?
My advice to you is to stop trying. What would you advise someone who cared about someone's opinion of them who gave them nothing but nastiness?
I’d stop engaging! Stop offering to help! And when asked tell her straight - oh you’d like me to make .... but at Easter you wouldn’t even try what I had made as it would be terrible. Etc! Honestly call her out! Give her a taste of her own medicine
I'd throw a few English insults her way, bet that no English ruse slips real quick (I'm kidding - don't do this 😂😂).
I'm with the above, stop trying so hard to gain this woman's approval, go along to family events to support your husband - forget all the other stuff, it'll likely never be good enough for her anyway.
I'd even get hubby to teach you some basic phrases so you can communicate with her somewhat (and she'll look like a real twat if she ignores you when you're speaking her native tongue).
Try to not let it bother you!
Maybe she wants you to learn her language?? I mean are you going to encourage your children to be bi-lingual? If there were two languages spoken I’d at least try and learn the other persons language. You MIL although being a bitch may just be annoyed that her son didn’t pick someone of his ethnicity and she was very much looking forward to a DIL she had more in common with. I’d mutter shit under my breath though. Like “how do you even know how it will fucking taste, you won’t even try it” “why do I even fucking bother with this” or learn to chuck those insults out in her language. Once you can understand her and engage in her language she may warm up to you.
I just want to add, that he is your husband. You’ve been in the family a while and he most definitely married you for a reason. But if you’ve been in the family long enough to get married I’m wondering why you haven’t gone out of your way to learn his language? If my partners family were German speaking I’d go out of my way to learn German, if my Family were Dutch speaking he’d want to learn Dutch. But unluckily for us our parents didn’t teach either of us our “home” language and stuck to English. I sometimes feel a little ripped off that I don’t have the need to have a second language.
Try learning their language and show an interest in their culture. Ask her for some recipes, she won't be able to say it's disgusting when you are following her recipe. This is just a different approach to dealing with her, if you try all this and she doesn't show any sign of improving her attitude towards you then limit your time with her, only see her when you absolutely have to meaning funerals and weddings etc. Nobody should put up with it but it is worth trying to change it so hubby can see you have tried everything from your side.
It sounds like your husband does stand up for you when he tells her time and time again to speak English so I wouldn't go as far as saying he's being an ass. Does he speak in his native tongue back to her or in English? During family visits with large amounts of family who do all speak her native tongue it might be more normal and relaxing for them to speak it. Or is everyone else speaking English?
Have you attempted to learn any of their language to engage with them?
Possibly there's a barrier and she was saying specifically your food was disgusting, just the food you had made was not to her palette (I personally would think Tiramisu is disgusting and would refuse to try it because I have in the past and it's gross).
Hi
She has perfect English with her friends and other family members who can only speak in English it’s just when it’s me my husband and son that she refuses to and says she cannot speak English or doesn’t want me to know what she is talking about. I take it personally because I have noticed when other family members are around she is very capable. She often won’t eat at my house or try anything I make she says she can’t eat things if they aren’t perfect. I don’t know I’m just getting frustrated because it feels like I’ll never be good enough and that she is going out her way to exclude me
I feel I know which ethnicity she may be lol. Don’t stress. She probably thinks what you have done is just fine but is too proud and stuck up to admit it. She is making an effort to make you feel like crap which means you must have an impact her. Just be nice and don’t let her get you upset even at least publicly.!