3 and half year old behavior

Needing so advice!
My daughter is 3 and a half. I'm a full time single mum doing it all on my own
My daughter has finally been excepted into seeing a pediatrician but I still have 5 more weeks to we see him
I dont know if these are normal behaviors for her age or not.
So basically she can be sitting there happy then the next minute she's having a complete melt down for absolutely no reason. She could be standing there rocking her doll then throwing him to the grown then her self. Screaming and just having a full on tantrum.
Or if she can't get her socks on she will ask for help (this took months to accomplish) but it's not a simple ask for help its throwing her socks across the room screaming for help saying she can't do it.
She will go down a slide all okay then bam crying when she gets to the bottom. She won't tell me why she is crying or how she is feeling when I ask her.
Today was just so bad from 8-1 she was just having all these melt downs.
I tried bribing then told her she hasn't been good so she isn't getting a prize. Which I shouldn't have because she lost it. She was sobbing to the point she couldn't breathe. We had to get her more socks. So we went to Big W. She didn't want to walk So I picked her up she then didn't want to be carried so I put her down she was screaming again. She then didn't want to walk. So I picked her up just to have to put her down again. I took her hand and made her walk to the car. Every one was looking it makes me feel like I shouldn't be a mum :( I stopped and tried to talk to her but it was pointless. Again she was sobbing to she couldn't breathe.
I gave her her comfort toy and this calmed her when she started to suck it.
I can't take her down town because I know she's going to have a melt down and they are uncontrollable! I wish I hadn't today.
It's like every time I ask her to do something she refuses to. Some times I think she likes to be disobedient. If I'm in a rush this is especially when she's disobedient. This is when she wants me to put every peice of clothing on her and spoon feed her her break fast. It kills me
I will ask her to get dressed in the mornings and she will refuse I will go to dress her and she will tense her body most mornings so I can't get her clothes on. I had a huge win a few weeks ago when she wouldn't put her jeans on every morning she would scream at me saying she didnt want to wear jeans. But that's all the pants she had. She told me that she didn't like the deal of them. So I went and bought her tights and this is better. She takes an hour to eat breakfast she just won't eat it and it's only because I asked her too.
She eats anything in sight sand dirt dog hair etc. She chews on my hair or licks the windows.
She won't sleep much either she's very active. She will stay in her room at 7.30-8 but won't sleep to alrund 10-10.30. then she's up bouncing off walls at 6.30.
Some times she will look down at the grown and pull in her clothing and look just sad. She will stop and not walk. She wants something at this stage but can't tell me what. Some times she will even start to chew on her self.
I can't keep up. I'm going insane. I feel like the worst mum. Her day care teachers are saying she's showing signs of ODD.
Is it normal for 3.5 year olds to have melt downs like this.
I've been seeing a behavioral teacher. She tells me things like don't say "stop jumping on the couch" but "put your bottom on the couch". Today I've been doing this but it's just not working any more.
I could go on for hours on things that happen but this is the basics of it