I have 7 children, 5 are adults now. I find it not too difficult to stay connected to my adult (married) daughter and my single adult sons. My eldest son works shift work in a factory and is married with 3 kids, the youngest has special needs. He is always exhausted. I'm not sure how to connect with him. I work full time and we all live in the same town. He doesn't do Facebook/messenger and actually doesn't even have a mobile phone. I know how to stay connected to my grandkids and how to support them with the children and help with practical things when I'm able. But I'm really sad that I don't do things with my son beyond those things and seeing him at the many family occasions etc. Please give me any suggestions you have to help me become more connected to my son
4 Replies
Maybe something very casual and easy, but special just for the two of you. Like give him a book or an audio book if he's into it. Find out a hobby hes into, or share your hobby, something thats very casual and non-instant, but just special between the two of you.
Self care like yoga or painting or photography is a great thing even for a tired stressed - perhaps a class or an hour together every 2 weeks.
Invite them to dinner? Why not have a regular dinner at home or regular bbq somewhere for everyone? Don't try and organise a time that suits everyone just pick one day and say hope you can make it but if not, theres always every other week. That way you can see them regularly without it really being focused on the kids and you have that regular dinner in place for when the other kids get married and have kids.
I spent many years as a shift worker and lost contact with a lot of people. Email is a good contact method for when your rosters are so different.
You’re doing a great job even by offering support with the kids. To be honest, he may not think it’s as deep an issue to you as it is. Both my husband and I are shift workers, we have two children and a third on the way. Our first born child has special needs. We love our families very much but life can be so busy and I overwhelming at times that we don’t even notice that we haven’t seen our parents in a while. I know more than anything we do love when our parents pop in to our home even when we’re busy. It’s nice to just pause for a moment x