Hi Ladies,
I’d love to know the pros and cons to having a third child???
I already have the pigeon pair but always wanted a large family.
I’m 38 and feel like I will regret it in years to come. My husband is happy with two but all he’s thinking of is the expense.
I wouldn’t be able to work for a year or two after but well prepared to study and change careers and work from home.
Did anyone have regrets??? Or feel happy with staying at two??
To have a third??
To have a third??
Posted in:
Pregnancy
18 Replies
I have two and don't want any more because of only 'the expense'.it can be boiled down to that, but that is everythi ng, lifestyle time pressure finances stress workload, even car, what you can give to them and yourself, daily and the big things.
It’s easy to say you’ll work from home, but do you have a work from home type of job?
Can you realistically get one?
A bachelors degree is three years full time, what do you plan on studying in two years?
If you can’t afford another, no, I don’t think you should have it.
I would be careful taking advice from someone with seven kids.
Wow, how frickin rude are you!
I didn’t mean to be rude, it was her attitude about the whole you don’t regret the kids you have, which is wrong in my opinion.
It obviously works for her, she has no regrets, but not everyone is the same. I don’t regret either, doesn’t mean I don’t understand others that do.
I have 4, we live off one wage. I'm home with the little ones. It can be tight! There is always something that someone needs. New sports shoes, school fees, an excursion, clothes, doctors. But you just do it and it just becomes the new normal. I budget really well so there is always emergency money if one of the kids get sick or something. I dont regret having 4. Its crazy busy sometimes but i love them and so glad I had 4.
For us, we just couldn’t make that jump.
It’s nice to give your kid everything they need but to give them things they really want and to have extra freedom to splurge money and buy new clothes etc. is something we just couldn’t negotiate on.
I have 2 - the pigeon pair and I wont be having any more ever. A major reason for that is the expense - kids are expensive and as they get older that expense increases. I'm not saying that is the only reason to not have children but it is a 100% valid one. If your husband is done unfortunately that is that. You shouldn't try to persuade or force another person to have a child if they aren't on board and disregarding their concerns or opinions ('but all he's thinking of is the expense') isn't going to help your cause.
Ugh, I hate that saying so much! ‘You don’t regret the children you have’. That’s the biggest, crappiest saying in the world.
There are people who regret having more children, there are people who regret having any children. It’s not nice, and doesn’t fit in with our fairytale view of the world, but it’s true.
It’s pretty sad, but obvious to me growing up, that my mum regretted my youngest sibling. She tried, not to, but it’s what happened. She treated the youngest very differently and just didn’t have the time for her.
Agree it goes both ways, and neither has to hurt or affect us forever. State of mind is controllable, with whatever we have. At the end of the day we have to make a rational decision based on quality of life, and that expectation is different for each of us (and living outside of that expectation can be very very uncomfortable).
Perhaps study now and grow a career and proven income and he will be happier with the idea that you as a family could cope with it?
She’s 38, you can’t grow a career in months.
The clock is ticking, I think she needs to make a decision pretty quickly, either way.
Well to be fair... she's had20 years why should be believe her now especially if she's not even getting started?
I agree with you totally, was just pointing out the time factor 😀
Ladies, I can't believe you're bitching about the OP at all but on her own post, fresh out of high school are we?
Also if high school taught you how to comprehend you would see she says, 'change careers' which kind of implies she has a career already but is looking at one that allows her to work at home.
I have 3.
For us the financial aspect, whist it's up there, it's not the hardest thing. We budget well and live modestly, our kids go to public schools etc so having a 3rd child doesn't really make a whole lot off difference in the scheme of things.
For me, just logistically, emotionally and mentally is what's hard.
I mean, i have to be emotionally available for an extra person. Mentally that 1 extra child (who's pretty full on I may add) can be utterly exhausting at times. And then there's the logistics, like if I take all 3 out on my own, I'm outnumbered 3 to 1. 2 kids are easy to wrangle, 3 becomes a challenge. Even just doing grocery shopping or ducking in to the post office can be a full workout lol. Then there's the fact nothing is made for families of 5!
The standard car or home is a bit tight for 3 kids (I live in a 3 brm home currently and now my kids a rere getting older, it's getting too small) so you're either forced to upgrade or put up with it.
I've heard many people say that going from 2 to 3 is easy. Truthfully, i found it really hard. It is a massive adjustment in every sense of the word, especially if you are kind of smooth sailing with 2 like I was.
I certainly don't regret having #3 but I won't pretend it's been easy!
I have a pigeon pair. It’s funny so many people assume that’s me done then.
I always wanted a big family though but for the type of life style we want, I think we will probably settle at 3. BUT the thought of #3 is daunting. I’ve found with each child, comes even more fear. And the more kids I have, the more scary it becomes.
I don’t think anyone can tell anyone what the right choice is. Some people were made to have big families, some were made to have one or none. Some people DO regret the children they had, and some definitely do not.
For me, I know I couldn’t stop at two because it’s just not in my heart. Maybe you know deep down what the right choice is here?
My first instinct is to tell you to go for it because that’s the type of person I am, and based off my own values and desires. The next persons is going to be completely different based on their values. I don’t think anyone is going to be able to give you valuable advice here because each and every single one of us has such different views.
I know big and small families and I think only you know how you, your hubby and your kids will cope adding a 3rd.but I think you seriously need to consider whether you could cope with a 3rd child if they had a disability as well. At 38, your a geriatric pregnancy and the risk of many disabilities (those able to be identified prior to giving birth and others that don't get diagnosed until 2-8 years of age typically) is significantly higher given your age (same age as me FYI so I'm not being ageist).
I'm guessing there is a big age gap if you are thinking of time at home? I am your age too, I had my kids young and I had been feeling the same as you. I was definite of no more then I unexpectedly fell pregnant a few years ago and miscarried which brought all these maternal feelings back and clucky again. I fight it though, there's no way I could go back to the baby stage now. We seem to forget how actually hard it is and how much personal freedom they take. I wouldn't go back to that. Think with your head not your ovaries x
I am that third child, the one that was the after thought, 6 and 9 years younger. My mum decided that once my brother was at school things would be easier so she had me.
I always felt left out growing up, my brother absolutely resented me because of the changes that happened after I was born. My sister often used to get frustrated for having to be responsible for an annoying younger sibling. And now even though I’m nearly 40 I still feel left out a lot. My siblings holiday together, spend Christmas together, often without me knowing until after. We all get along but they are without a doubt a lot closer and this also means that my kids miss out on a lot and it can be terribly lonely at times. I know my parents often feel bad that I’m still left out, although I try very hard to show it doesn’t bother me but deep down it really does break my heart.
Mum always regrets not having a fourth, because I very much was like an only child and at times it really sucked.