Hi Ladies, just want a second opinion to see if I'm overreacting or not. My In-Laws live very far away and want to come stay with us for a few weeks at the time my fourth bub is due in October. I am happy to have them come as they are wonderful and helpful and great with all our kiddies.
I have just been informed by my husband that they will be bringing thier dog with them and expect it to stay inside our house. This dog is blind, deaf, incontinent and is to the point where it cannot walk more than a few steps on its own and is fed water from by my MIL by hand as she can no longer function properly. Besides the fact that the poor thing should have been put down months ago as per thier vets suggestion (they change vets when offered this advice) the dog is just unsanitary.
We are renting and are not allowed inside pets. We have also owned dogs before we had kids that became outside pets once we had the newborn in the house as my personal rules are not to have animals in the house with small children for safety and sanitary reasons. My In-Laws know my stance on this as they have seen me follow through with my own pets.
I do not want the animal in my house whilst I am bringing a newborn in and my husband has said that they may not come if i dont allow the dog inside. Im fine with that. If they want to choose the dog over our kids, that is thier choice. Am i being unreasonable to want my own rules obeyed in my own house during my most vulnerable time? Hubby thinks i am. He thinks i am causing drama and should just ignore the dog while it is here. We are actually butting heads over what i consider rude behaviour from his parents and this is stressing me out as we never normally fight.
18 Replies
No it's your call completely and a fair one. Bringing a newborn home is not the time for other people to make demands on your home.
However I do understand that this dog is not a regular dog, it's a special consideration. It doesn't sound like it'll be running around, near the kids or getting on furniture or anything. Would it be in a crate? I understand from their point of view they can't leave it so need to bring it and need to give it special care. Is it possible it will die before October? Could you offer to pay half of a hotel as in-laws seem otherwise good people? Do you have a garage or someplace it can be? What if its outside in the daytime and perhaps allowed inside her room at night or give MIL a place she can comfortably sit with it?
Look, I can understand them not wanting to leave their dog while he's obviously in the last stages of his life, there's a good chance he'll pass whilst they're gone by the sounds (I agree, it's cruel to let an animal suffer like that but that's a discussion for another time).
Having said that, it is 100% rude to expect people you're staying with to accommodate your pet, especially a dying one with the added stress of a newborn. So I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.
*and from a landlords perspective, no way that animal should be inside*
I think a fair compromise would perhaps be finding a local pet sitting service to have him at night and arranging him a nice comfortable spot in the backyard during the day.
If they aren't happy with that, tough titties. Let them sort something out themselves!
You’re in a rental, tell her she can come and bring her dog if she plans on paying your new bond (if you get kicked out for breaching your rental agreement) and for the floors to all be professionally cleaned after she and her dog visit as it’s incontinent and guaranteed to make a mess. That she will look after it and any mess it makes, makes it wear a nappy, bathes it every day and the moment you see any accident left unclean she can take her and her pup to a hotel or go straight home. Or just tell her to stay in a hotel and she can visit you during the day.
I don’t think you’re over reacting. My brother constantly tells me I’m a mean owner becasue all of my animals except a couple of budgies are outside pets and unless it’s a lamb in distress and in need of feeding it’s not going past the door frame into my house.
I def wouldn’t want the dog in my house. Can you use the fact your renting? And tell them it’s against your lease. Maybe tell them your neighbours are the landlords friends and may dob... little white lie where and there never hurt hehe
It’s a special needs dog. It’s not a regular pet they can have minded.
Dogs are like children to some people.
Being told to put the dog down would be hard. If the dogs in no pain and she’s happy to look after it I don’t see a problem.
It’s going to be give and take, you want help, she has a dog.
But she has been advised to put the dog to sleep so clearly there is pain or the vets wouldn't make this recommendation.
It's not her house it is rental, and can be evicted and her bond can be with held if she breeches her contract then what would happen to her family.
Yes you are being unreasonable. Show some compassion.
It’s not like the newborn will be on the floor.
The dog will probably be in a bed or crate and wear a nappy. It’s not like it’s running around everywhere.
Yes you are being unreasonable. Show some compassion.
It’s not like the newborn will be on the floor.
The dog will probably be in a bed or crate and wear a nappy. It’s not like it’s running around everywhere.
I totally understand and support your reasoning behind it, it's sad that you even have to ask or validate how you are feeling but if you and your husband aren't seeing eye to eye, I think you both need to work something out together.
I personally would let it slide just this once however I own my own home so don't have the issue of a landlord not allowing pets inside. If it isn't going to be running around and have its needs tended to, I think it would be fair to say okay it can come and stay in this vicinity and not come near the baby :)
I don't see the problem, it most likely wears nappies and it could probably be confined to one room. They would struggle to get anyone to look after it. Your newborn will be fine, there's nothing your baby can catch from the dog. It won't be playing with it's wee or poo it will be fine. There's also a very high chance it will die before October anyway and you will just look nasty especially if they are coming to help you with your children but you weren't willing to welcome their dog in your house. Some people's dogs are part of their family. My partner and I are Nanna and Pop to my Stepsons dog, we even buy it a Christmas present 😂.
Compromise. For me it would have to be in a crate inside the house or outside. No exceptions. I did once tell by sil she could bring their small dog but it had to stay in the laundry (I'm so allergic, my home is my safe place from dog hair), got up the next morning and the kids had it in the bedroom. I guess you'll have to decide if they're likely to abide by a compromise. Brother & sil never had the chance to bring another pet.
Would I want a dog shitting and pissing through my house when I’m bringing a new born home, no. But in all honesty agree to it, because it will probably be dead by October anyway then it won’t be a problem but you don’t look like an arse. If by some chance it’s still alive, when they comes to visit put its bed in the laundry and make it stay in there
Definitely not unreasonable. I have a new baby myself and would feel the same as you.
While I definitely wouldn’t want the dog inside, I would possibly compromise and allow the dog in the backyard if MIL was open to that and if it was for a short time only. If she is not open to that then I would just nicely explain that it’s your house and your baby and this is not something you are comfortable with. They are guests in your home so should be respectful of your wishes. It’s not like you are going to their house and demanding the dog go outside.
Nope, I don't think you're being unreasonable; you have a very good reason why that dog should not come into your home: you're not allowed to have animals inside your house! And they have a very old, very ill, incontinent dog they're planning to transport a long way to stay in an unfamiliar house? Not withstanding that the poor pup should be put out of its misery anyway, that sounds really cruel IMO.
Hubby needs to back you AND speak to his parents about that poor dog!
I think the best approach would be to express you won't be offended if they dont come to visit because of the dog. I'd say your MIL is having a hard time letting go of her baby (the dog) and by the sounds of it the poor pooch won't be around much longer anyway. So give MIL her last weeks/months with the dog without making her feel guilty for not visiting without the dog.
I understand your house rules too as I'm not allowed pets in my rental.
Honestly I don't think the dog will last until then so there will be no issue come October anyway. Xx
Do you really want this negativity hanging over your newborn's arrival? In the grand scheme of things, this is a pretty minor issue to deal with when you are bringing a new baby home. They obviously want to be there for you all.
I would just compromise and let them come but the dog needs to stay in the laundry or garage where its mess can be easily cleaned up. Still easily accessible to the in-laws and dog is out of the weather.
I would just be very clear to your husband and in-laws that this is absolutely a one-off and that the dog MUST stay in its designated area.
Be prepared with extra hand wash etc and just enjoy your newborn and being with family. Life is too precious to butt heads over something like this.
Good luck with your new arrival 😊
I would allow it. We were renting and not allowed dogs at all. We had friends going away and needed a place for their dog in same condition. Poor girl died three days after they got back but was dying when she was with us. Any other time I’d say no but when the dog is at that stage I’d say it’s overracting.
No way I’d be having in-laws stay for weeks AND def not with a dying dog!
So many commenters telling you to suck it up, it shits me no end! Why do us women/wives/mothers have to constantly eat burnt toast aka not have a say, repent, give in, be seen and not heard....