Help - imperfect dads need advice
I’ve been with my man for two years - married this year and there is a major problem that’s making me SO FRUSTRATED- lack of romance.
He had a heart attack last year (all good now) and since then basically NOTHING . I’ll admit I’m no saint with my moods and hormones (45 menopause) plus teenage boys (mine) but for the love of god can I please be touched once in a while. When he come to bed he’s exhausted (he is a lot older then me) but I feel like shit I NEED TO BE TOUCHED - he also can’t get erections (heart meds and can’t take viagra). We have just had a blowout about if tonight. Help
4 Replies
Have you got a person to talk to, friend or professional? He had a heart attack and is on medication that affects circulation, blood pressure etc. He's got less capacity for exertion now he's had a heart attack too which is evident in your comment that he fatigues easily. The fact that you had a 'blowout' about something not really in his control makes me think that you need support to cope with the impact his health has had on your life too. Also, encourage him to link in with allied health for graded rehabilitation. That will help his endurance return
So he won’t touch you, help you out just becasue he won’t go off?? Or are there bigger problems?
I understand both sides and I think you should get yourself some toys to help with what you may need.
Unfortunately his condition is out of his control. It’s not his fault but yes a little love would not go astray even if he’s not going to get anymore out of it except the satisfaction of getting you off.
Hugs xx
Consider that your husband has not only been through this physical illness/event but also had an emotional response to it as well. I've no doubt that it has impacted him. He may have started feeling incredibly old, and unsexy. He may be terrified to exert himself. He may be depressed. He may simply be exhausted. Men aren't sex machines, any more than women are. They're affected by emotions, physical issues just as we are.
Have you actually talked to him about it? Or just laid silently seething when you were in bed together until you couldn't hold it in any longer. Have the conversation with him at a neutral time, not in bed where you're laying there thinking "tonight's the night" but when you're alone, during the day and in a different space.
He’s probably all messed up in the head. It must be incredibly frustrating for him too. I can imagine touching you leads to a sense of frustration and guilt for him.
To be honest it sounds like you both need some counselling so you can have some empathy for each other and help you find ways to reconnect.
It can take a good two years for a person to get back on track emotionally etc after a major medical event like that.