Would you say something.
Almost 11 months ago I gave birth to our third baby. At the time I was overweight and had gestational diabetes which I managed throughout my pregnancy really well. I hadn’t lost my weight from having my first 2 children and I was trying my best to eat well, exercise, look after my family and do my job (which is full time in a very full on emergency services job where I get called out anytime day/night to some pretty horrible situations). I didn’t put on any weight during pregnancy and swam almost daily so I was feeling ok about giving birth. I was booked in for an induction as my first baby had been 10lbs (no gestational diabetes) and they wanted to deliver him before he got too big.
On my induction day my husband and I were super excited and nervous about the labour and meeting our beautiful new bub. In the room was our midwife, an assistant midwife and a student doctor. The drip was started and the midwife started to hook me up to the baby heart rate monitor around my belly. She lifted my gown (no underwear by then) in front of the other doctor, midwife and my husband and exclaimed loudly, “god how did you let yourself go so much and get so over weight. You need to lose weight”!. I was shattered and in shocked and just mumbled that I had been trying really hard to be healthy throughout my pregnancy. I could see the other midwife and student doctor looked uncomfortable and my husband was looking angry at her. I was squeezing his had in an effort to stop him getting angry and saying something to her as I didn’t want a scene during labour. But what she had said absolutely killed any positivity I had come in with for the birth of our baby. I struggled and felt so alone in the rest of my labour in my head. My husband was right by my side holding my hand supporting me the whole time but it was such a negative experience that ever since it has really devastated me in regards to the memory of bringing our last baby into the world.
My other two births I was so supported and cared for by amazing professionals. I just feel like it was a very unnecessary and crap thing to say to a women at one of the most vulnerable times in her life. I know I need to lose weight but did she really think mid labour was appropriate and so rudely.
My question is would you make a complaint to the hospital even though it is almost a year later? I would just hate for other women to have the same experience.
Thanks x
17 Replies
A year later... maybe not. But you need to change your focus!
You DID feel supported by the one person that matters! Your hubby. You can change the memory by choosing to focus on the positives. She is one person you will likely never run into again she doesn’t matter in your life. Don’t let her poison your memory!
You know, I would make a complaint.
The above commenter is right, you probably wont see her again but other women/patients will, daily.
Giving birth can be unpredictable and overwhelming enough, we should be able to count on being treated with dignity and respect during such a vulnerable time.
Medical staff sometimes need reminding what a privilege it is to be involved and included in such a monumental moments in their patients lives.
Nothing she said in that moment was necessary or relevant to your immediate medical needs. It was a judgmental statement thst obviously impacted you enough that it's still niggling at you.
I would still make a complaint. What an odd thing for a midwife to say though? It even seems too unreal coming from a rude one. They would see bodies of all sizes and at that stage of pregnancy even small women can appear large with excess fluid and belly. It just seems such a very strange thing to come out of a midwifes mouth. Could she possibly have been joking? Back when I had my first 20 years ago there was a midwife that would joke about beached whales, which she was definitely joking about but I know it wouldn't go down well today 😂.
If it effected you so badly a complaint should have been made while you were still in hospital, not 11 months later
Maybe she's only just realised how badly it's affected her because it is STILL upsetting her 11 months later? It would make no difference to the hospital if they received a complaint the next day or the next year, it would still get handled the same.
Yes you should have done it right then, that's appalling.its also shit if neither other professional reported it.
If you know her name, report it a year later. Birth is one a of those things you put things like that aside, and that may be why she's getting away with it, but being so unprofessional in peoples most vulnerable time would be affecting others as well.
Realistically the likelihood of something happening as a result of a complaint this far down the track is minimal. However if you remember the name of the midwife and it will help you to move on from the incident go ahead. I would suggest getting some counselling though as it is something that has affected you and for your own benefit you should talk to someone about it.
I am a nurse and that is a disgrace shame on her it goes against any moral and patient care value report her she should not be working with the public end of
If it makes you feel better my private midwife told me do not ask me for an epidural for a few hours as I think it's the easy way out ,, I almost lost my son due to their neglect they apologised after but some are wired wrong they should not be in that line of work I never complained I figured karma would get her in the end
Ideally would have been better to make a complaint earlier. But regardless, if you feel it's the right step to help you heal, it's never too late.
It's about your healing though. That's why you'd put in a complaint. So that you can put it past you. Close that chapter and move past/on.
If you do, you need to let it go afterwards and stop letting it ruin your mental health because you deserve to be free of it.
Her opinion isn't any of your business.
I had my daughter 10 years ago.
One of my nurses was so horrible to me and acted like i was utterly incompetant (was my second baby so i wasn't inexperienced).
I unswaddled my baby to feed her and this nurse came in and yelled at me because my baby would get cold, which was ridiculous because she had a long onesie and a beanie on (and it was November so plenty warm).
She was so abrupt and aggressive about it, i burst into tears after she left the room.
She still works at that particular hospital and a few people i know have mentioned unpleasant encounters with her too.
I really wish I'd had the confidence at the time to make a complaint or even just to have stood up for myself.
So i feel like you making a complaint closes this off for you. What the hospital does with it is up to them but you'll know you did what you could and hopefully be able come to peace with it.
As a side note, I'd be very surprised if the doctor who was present didn't pull her up on it privately.
Remember it was only a student doctor, they were probably bullied by her too.
Oh i missed that it was a student doctor, maybe not then...
Either way, her begaviour should probably be bought to the attention of the supervisory staff.
You know the effort you put in. Who's she, a nobody, and with an attitude like that a very bitter and lonely nobody. What you've got to do is realise there's a time and place for fucks given and she doesn't deserve one. Heart and mind, no fucks given for her. Also talk to your husband about it. Don't carry this alone. At the time he would have been in as much shock at her social ineptitude as you were and might have not known what to say or if he should say anything, by letting him know how this has continued to effect you you get support to find your way through it and you arm him with the knowledge that if anything like it ever happens again you'll be more than fine with him jumping in and saying something back if you're not able to. Good luck, nobody deserves to made to feel like that on such a special day and I hope you can move past it to remember the beautiful and positive parts of the day too.
I would have let my husband make a scene in the delivery room!!
That woman may have accidentally copped a foot to the face too.
I’m overweight, I knew it. I’m probably more over weight than you are. But none of my midwives showed me any disrespect during my births and would have known about it if they did.
I got a woman fired from her job at CL once. She deserved it too.
You can make a complaint and help people coming into her care now almost a year later. She might have to go through some sensitivity training.
Or you can go to a counsellor and work through this and by doing so helping yourself heal.
You’ve got this!! What ever you do your husband will support you x
It’s about YOU, if it would make you feel better and I think it would, you should do it.
Good luck, I’m sorry you were exposed to such a nasty woman ❤️
Yep I would, you wont see her again but it might help the next person. I'm sorry this happened to you.