Sorry if this seems all over the place!
My daughter's year 12 formal is less than a month away and now dad (divorced) has decided to make plans for the night.
He has not had very much interest. I've purchased the dress, alterations. Booked nails, hair, makeup, tan and photographer. He's organised the car and made it very clear that's all he's contributing. That's fine my choice at the end of the day.
The plan all along was for her to get ready at my house. All the bookings have been made for my place. Sounds strange to some I suppose but my daughter also wants pictures with her dog. We have a big bow made out of offcuts from her gown. I've been crazy watering the yard and shrubs for the pooch pics too.
He's now telling me he's booked a room in town for her to get ready in and picked out locations for the photos?! I reminded him that I have booked all these things at mine and that she wants pictures with the dog, which won't be possible, and that I would have to contact the photographer, that I'm paying for, about additional locations.
Time is also going to be limited because it is a week night as well. I don't want to ruin her night but I really don't know what to do. I honestly feel like giving him a list of things needed and telling him to do it and cancelling mine but it's probably too late to arrange anything else and then she's the one who'll miss out.
I'm just so annoyed that he is now making other arrangements knowing full well that we've had these things in place since June with no interest! What do I do?! I've always just backed down and worked around others but I've already outlaid so much for this I just think it's inconsiderate on his behalf.
All of the arrangements that have been made have been at my daughter's request. She has told me I have to sort it out with her dad?!
11 Replies
Ask your daughter what she wants to do - give her the two options and go from there. Also I would advise ex that he will be responsible for all extra costs in moving cancelling or rebooking services
Poster here. I will be talking to her when she comes home from dad's. He has made it very clear he won't be contributing financially. I've already spent more than I budgeted for especially so close to Christmas.
This is your daughter’s night and only her night. Both parents need to put their feelings and wants aside and ask your daughter what she wants exactly and stick to it! She’s only enough to make that clear to her dad too :)
Poster here. I'm trying to but the additional costs to relocate or to try and rebook will fall back on me because dad has been very clear he won't be paying anything. He has money for an extravagant hotel suite at the last hour though? She won't want to upset him.
It's so unfortunate he is even putting you in this predicament, it sounds like you have gone above and beyond to organise this night for her already and now he's throwing this spanner in the works :(
I wouldn't think there would be a lot of leeway for services you've arranged if you're only a month out.
Formal season is the bread and butter for a lot of these services and if you've booked at your house, they will have made other bookings around that, they would not have accomodated to provide their service in town instead so it probably won't be a simple switch.
I'd tell dad stiff shit. He should have discussed it with you both prior! You thoughtfully arranged what your daughter asked for. I wouldn't be changing anything!
Poster here. Thank you. I'm gobsmacked! I'll talk to her when she comes home but I think I'm going to have to explain the ramifications of trying to move things around at this stage. I've spoken to him twice and he's just not hearing the spanner it will throw in the plans already made. I don't want to stress her out because she's in the last term of year 12 for goodness sake and doesn't need bs and drama at the moment.
Ugh, I'm sure men just don't understand the gravity of what goes into planning and booking for formal events, it's utterly stupid that he just booked a room on a whim without checking what you'd organised or even asking his daughter what she wanted!!
I'm sure your daughter will understand that it's too short notice/too expensive to change all arrangements now. Maybe you could suggest you'll deal with her dad and the fall out from his ridiculousness to save her the stress during what is already fairly high pressure time in a young person's life.
I hope she has a wonderful time!
I was going to say don't be petty and remember it's for the child. But no, it's too late now (if it is under a month away) so you tell him it's too late for this one. He needs to communicate better next time as booking and organising takes over a month and you would love him to be involved, but double booking and missing out and her feeling unready is not fair on her. Agree that next time you will agree 2 or 3 months out, and then regroup at 1 month out to make sure final bookings and plans have been made.
And no, if daughter has said what she wants and booked it, she doesn't get the option to choose something else if he hangs a better offer last minute. Unless it can be maturely decided on and checked that complete new bookings and old cancellations can be made without loss etc. She needs to be responsible, but not torn in the middle or spoilt. It's a tricky one, hopefully you can communicate directly with dad and resolve it before it ever gets as far as her being involved.
Poster here. Definitely not the petty type and have always changed things to suit others. She is under enough stress at the moment with literally weeks left of year 12. I will talk to her when she comes home and explain bookings, costs etc because dad has made it very clear he won't be contributing with anything. I think he's a bit cheeky in telling me where the photographer I'm paying for will be taking photos though 🤣 we have just confirmed all bookings etc and made sure we have everything covered including me taking time off from work. She may have to forego on the better offer he's now be dangled in front of her.
Oh yeah it is cheeky, and a huge pain to think you can waltz in and do some parts last minute and it's all that easy. It's definitely too late this year.