I want to do 50/50 with my kids. I can no longer afford to be primary carer as I support them financially without any Cs. I feel I have done everything I can and exhausted every avenue to do it all myself but I won't be able to any longer. My kids are 9 and 3 (soon to turn 10 and 4) I don't know if the ex will agree to 50/50 (for all its demanded) though as previously on his time he already has, he has asked for them to come back home so he can have a night out. He only demands 50/50 when I bring up the subject of support. I know it might sound harsh but I feel like this is the only way he will do his share.
I also feel guilty for my children and feel my family will not understand why I would agree to 50/50.
Do I do 50/50 or do I exhaust myself working 2 jobs and end up slightly better off? ( after daycare costs, tax)
11 Replies
Why doesn’t he pay child support?
Because he just chucks a tantrum if I try to collect any, I go through child support and he just wracks up bills at daycare and leaves me to sort it out (his days of care) he starts to muck me about with custody and collection until I do what he wants or get his mum to call me and cry to me. He has also threatened bankruptcy while our finances are still tied (still in the process of financial settlement) so that I do what he wants
Apply for child support
Don't suggest 50/50 if he's being a dick. It looks as though you will be the one paying for everything still anyway, if he expected you to pay for child care while they were in his care then that kind of mindset will continue. Continue to do it tough until after settlement, also go through mediation to get some ground rules in place, then once he has nothing to hold against you get CSA to collect on your behalf. Ignore all phone calls from his Mum, redirect them to CSA. My ex Mil used to drive to my house with my ex on the phone and hand it to me, after I ignored his abusive phone calls so I know what it's like when they get mummy involved in their battles. You just have to be strong and put your foot down, but get yourself in a better position first.
Tried to attend mediation but he just never went. But thank you for the rest. I hope settlement will not take much longer
I’m sorry, 50/50 won’t work and he will most likely come after you for child support!
It sucks and I’m sorry you are going through this.
If you earn more than him and you do 50/50 care you will most likely have to pay him child support. Just something else to consider x
You have to harden up when it comes to dealing with him. I’m sorry but there’s no other way to put it. You are allowing him to manipulate you into a bad situation. You do CSA collect. Let them deal with it and refuse to discuss it with him. Tell child care you are only paying for care in the days that you approve/drop off your child. He does not have you permission to rack up any debt in your name or use your CRN. Put it in writing.
He’s acting like a brat not a father. Somebody has to stand strong in this shit storm for the children’s sake and it better be you
If you go down this path, and you are earning more than him you may end up having to pay him child support!
This is exactly what happened to my sister in law.
I had days where I was ready to do that too but I knew in my heart it was not what was best for the kids. Routine and stability is better. I do however make him take extra time in school holidays so I can get a break. But they spend their whole time on the computer while they are there and he isn't keen on activities so it was a hard push to get him to take them to sport every second weekend. He doesn't do homework with them and I question what they eat sometimes.
My now partner does do 50/50 with his 2 kids because of his job so we have his kids Sun morn - wed and she picks them up from school wed and has them til he picks up Sunday morning (he works wednesday-saturday nights as a chef). It's a much better option than week on week off if you have to do 50/50 As the kids get the routine of this day this happens etc.
In my agreement with my ex I have it so that he is liable for 50% of child care (not needed now but even after they started school i was using before after school care before moving in with now partner) 50% of school expenses, medical bills and he agreed to 50% of one activity per term each child so either swimming or dancing now softball etc... if i chose to do a second activity that was my expense.
I know it's hard mumma but you gotta do what's best for those kids and my kids understood pretty well that everything I did was best for them and understood that I had to work but appreciated the time I did get with them as I made the most of it. I didn't think they had much but really they had a lot
I do 50/50 with my ex and it works well for our kids they get to have a good relationship with us both. Do what is right for your kids. Either 50:50 or just apply for the child support. As everyone said if you earn more you will end up prying him if you go 50/50.