Aggressive/violent teenager

I have a 14 year old daughter that is diagnosed since the age of 7 with ASD, ADHD, ODD and anxiety. She has always been a very difficult child never responding to the standard parenting techniques. At the age of 11 we moved interstate and the teenage hormones hit and her aggression became more heightened, I reached out for help as I will a single mother with an older daughter and a younger son as well. I was just given parenting strategies which honestly made me feel like they were not listening to me as I know 100% I am a good parent - not perfect far from it but a good mum, the kids get their needs filled and also receive consequences for bad behaviour, no drug or alcohol issues etc. My oldest daughter moved out not long after 18 as she had trouble dealing with her sisters behaviour. I continued to seek help thru a paed trying medication etc. nothing worked. I finally snapped and couldn’t cope and relinquished my care to child safety for 28 days to have a break - I don’t get any help have kids 24/7. Long story shorter after relinquishing my care a few times and working out that child safety was actually not the best place for her as they weren’t looking after her mental health but rather letting her do whatever she wanted as long as it didn’t cause them any issues. Her behaviour was getting worst. She is currently in my care and has been for a few months it’s been up and down constantly. Just lately she is refusing to go to school and making life at home unbearable. Doesn’t get her way become abusive, kicks holes in my walls. Just recently she is refusing to eat with us and once I have finished cleaning up after dinner she then cooks and leaves all the dirty dishes and refuses to clean them. I give up and just clean them because I know it will be an argument and they still won’t get done. Then when I turned the tv off because she refused to answer a question about going to school and advised she could have the remote back once she can answer me but instead she advised that I had 5 mins to give it back or she will smash all the tvs. I ignored her threat and she began by throwing the Foxtel remote at my head twice. I locked myself in my room and called police as she tried to smash my bedroom door down. She got in thru another door (bathroom is 2 way) so I got my son and left the house to the police arrived. Police say they can’t help it’s a parenting issue and the damage to my door I can put a report thru online but because she is 14 nothing will happen. However, for some reason the ambulance attended and they tried to talk to my daughter and it ended in her attacking them so they took her to hospital for the night. Nothing was done at the hospital and I had to collect her in the morning even though I begged them to have her assessed and medicated so she is more calmer. This brings me to today. I suspended Foxtel as she is refusing to go to school and I don’t want to enable this behaviour. She got angry at me and demanded Foxtel be put back on because I refused she took the remote for my bedroom tv and turned the tv her 4yr old brother was watching off (which made him quite upset - he was up late the night before lack of sleep) also has ASD. After I wrestled with her to get the remote back, she proceeds to throw her tv remote at my head and pushed my door off it’s rail (sliding door). My son was so frightened crying uncontrollably he said mum can you call the police. I took him and left in the car as I called an organisation that is there to provide help - they just state to call police however, police say they are unable to assist no crime has been committed. I didn’t honestly know what to do as I just felt lost that I can’t believe that my 14 yr old can be this way and there is nothing that can be done. I am in a domestic violent relationship but it’s with my child and there are no laws to protect me or my son from this abuse. Tonight I could not handle another night of this abuse so I am staying in a motel with my son. I left my daughter in my home by herself. I told her therapist and he was going to check on her. I feel so alone, I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone as I feel that I have shared to much previously with friends and cause it is always drama they pull away - honestly don’t blame them. I know my daughter is struggling with some type of mental condition but no one is listening to me about it and she doesn’t engage with therapist for them to try and treat. If she got the help needed I’m sure things would be much more manageable I have tried for years with no success. I am now thinking is it best to relinquish my care permanently even though I know in my heart it’s not the best thing for her but actually will be the worst (I would most likely become depressed from doing this as well cause I don’t really want to) or do I sacrifice my son being constantly traumatised and keep her at home also probably come depressed as it really takes a toll on me. Ideally she should be placed in a therapeutic housing so that she receives ongoing therapy to help her to manage her behaviours and be able to be a contributing member of society funded by NDIS but unfortunately this option isn’t available. As a parent what would you do? I need honest and direct responses - I can handle them. Note : Father is unable to have her (DV and drug addict)