I have recently taken on a 15 year old girl. Her dad wasn’t coping and her mum passed seven years ago (the anniversary of her passing is this week). This poor girl has been to hell and back. She was molested at a young age, before her mums passing, her mum was into drugs and her home life wasn’t stable, her home life with dad after her mums passing was even worse, her extended family can be quite toxic, she has dabbled in drugs and self harmed. Despite all of that though, she is now doing incredibly well. She’s back in school, works part time and no longer drinks or does drugs. I could not be prouder of who she is and the beautiful young lady she is becoming. What I need to know though, is how can I offer her the support she truly needs to deal with her trauma. Tonight, she found out details about her mums death that she wasn’t fully aware of and it broke the poor darling. We spent hours talking everything through but I know she needs more than kind words and someone to wipe her tears. She has been sent to more psychs and counsellors than she can count and she basically has zero faith in that system. She is flat out refusing to see another psych. I even suggested we go to a trauma counselling group together but she’s not even willing to try that. How do I give this beautiful, intelligent young lady the tools she needs to deal with her pain? I can give advice and I can guide her, talk to her etc but In terms of giving her what she truly needs, I feel totally out of my depth. I don’t want to fail her like so many others have in her life. How can I help this amazing young lady without alienating her and forcing her into situations she isn’t comfortable with?
4 Replies
I honestly think the best thing you could do is keep supporting her and encouraging her to speak to a professional whether that be a school counselor, a psychologist, a doctor just someone because unless you are trained I dont think you will have the tools to help her. Failing that perhaps you could make an appointment for yourself (probably not a bad idea so that you have the support you need) and see if they can guide you. Good luck.
I’ve been thinking about this since I first read it.
Firstly, thank you for taking care of this child.
Secondly, the best thing you can do, is be there. Making time to check in, ask about her day, how was work? Etc and just listen.
Thirdly, seek a physiologist yourself. Get professional help to help her. It’s not cheap, but look t your local community health centre, they may be able to help you too.
I would also encourage her to keep a diary, and write in it everyday. Just things that have happened in the day. She may start opening up to the diary, or might shut it out. But it could be vital reading for future self or to show future councillor.
Good luck, and thanks for helping this amazing young lady
I was this child, I had a baby at 16, I carried trauma for so long and then I met Jesus. Now you may think that I am a religious nut job, but the truth is while support, therapy and friends helped some what, only Jesus could heal the emotional trauma.
I suggest getting her involved in a charismatic youth group, look into a vibrant church where it isn't about religion, but about a relationship with Jesus, and get people to start praying for her.
It will still be a journey for her, but she will have hope in her life and won't have to rely on her own strength <3
Maybe try things like hypnotherapy to teach her body and mind to calm itself. Or Music or art therapy. Trauma is a funny thing and is so different from person to person, it's a damn horrible thing, but I know for myself I hated traditional therapists and find alternatives much more useful.
What a lucky girl to have you!