Hi there,
I am so torn,My husband and i so badly want to move,We have done everything where we live and have become bored,We have nothing left here but our kids,We love where we want to move and my whole family are there and i miss them,but our kids are dead against it,They are just of adult age,They can't afford rent at the moment,We can't just up and leave them can we? Is that selfish?
Torn
Torn
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
13 Replies
Are they still studying like at uni?
Nah,one is a tradie,the other works casual in hospitality
Definitely time to move! This will be awesome for your kidults. They can’t see it now, but sometimes they need a life lesson.
You give them the option. They are welcome to live with you where you move to, but if they don’t they need to make other living arrangements.
They will either find a share house to live in (and be just fine), or they’ll prepare there lives to move (and be just fine), or they’ll pretend it isn’t happening and be in a last minute scramble (in which case they’ll learn important life lessons such as there parents are allowed to have lives, that they themselves now need to be making adult decisions, and in the end be just fine).
My parents made the decision to move when we were 18-24. We were given this exact option. One sister was in med school. My parents gave us 6 months to make arrangements and helped us out with moving in to our new places. We were gifted some furniture and white goods they didn’t want to take with them.
It all worked out really well. We were so excited for our parents and our new adventures on our own. The fact your kids have reacted negatively is telling me they might be the kind of people who need a push out of the nest anyway. I mean it’s pretty bloody convenient for them, for you to stay so they don’t have to take responsibility for there own living expenses etc and live a lifestyle they can’t actually afford.
I'm not sure it would be fair to chuck your kids in the deep end, since it sounds like you're still providing for them. But also don't think you should put your own wants off for adult children. Give them 6 or so months and s clear end date to when you leave... they'll have time to sort their own shit out and if they don't in that time frame then it's on them and not you.
If your kids are adults (I know that sounds odd) then you are more than entitled to go! If they dont want to leave then that's fine they find somewhere to live and carry on. The only thing I would do then as a parent would be visit as often as I could or help them out to visit me as often as they can.
Just an edit after reading a more recent post - you have mentioned they are hopeless with money and wont look after the house if you rent it to them - I don't mean to sound harsh but is that because you haven't shown them how to or you are enabling the behaviour?? If this is what you want to do your adult children shouldn't hold you back BUT you may need to make some changes to teach/show them how yo be an adult. Over the next 6 month's I would be insisting they pay board, help with house maintenance etc and basically act as if you aren't there. After that it's time for you to move on and them to move out!
Do you own your home? Why not rent it out to them? Then you and hubby can stay with family, find work etc and decide if you really are happy to stay there. I would give it 12 months. Sometimes it seems like a great idea to move then it ends up being not what you thought or not what it was before.
That is my dilema,we own our home but they can't afford the rent,i also know they won't look aftee it,they are also hopeless with their money because they can be living at home.Them being hopeless also delays our plans,for how long scares me!
How old are they?
21 & 18 x
Put your house on the market. They will be able to afford a smaller share house, and they’ll enjoy that.
This is an awesome lesson in how to be adults. Why you continue to stay and allow them to live at home they will continue to be neglect and take advantage of your love for them.
As parents it’s our job to get our kids ready for the next stage in life and staying put isn’t preparing them, it’s allowing them to remain stuck.
I’d give them notice and go. Just got some perspective; I’m from the country so we all had to move out for uni. So were all 17 or 18. I’d have been mortified to be home at 21. We were all broke but survived
Sure you can. Hubby's parents did that to him was 21 and his sister was 23.
They sold the family home and moved to be near MILs friends about 90min flight away
Luckly Hubby and his sister had fulltime jobs so they managed to make it work
If they aren’t in uni or anything serious then move. If that’s what your really want then they have to go with it or get a job and fend for themselves.