I need help with my teenage daughter. I’m really not asking to be shamed for asking but I need to do something.
My daughter is 15 and has body issues. So much so, that a few months back I found that she was cutting.
She is overweight. She was 89kgs a few weeks ago. She eats more than her dad. She will always turn to junk food. And I have found a secret stash of lollies, chocolate, empty chip packets, empty soft drink bottles and more hidden in her wardrobe. She will raid the pantry and secretly take it to her room. I also think at night she is going to the cupboard.
She hasn’t had a good role model in me.
I have been extremely obese most of my life. I do blame myself for becoming this, with her seeing me as big as I was. I say was because I have recently lost 20kgs.
She now weighs more than I do. I have also now seen her tummy when her shirt has ridden up, and it’s got stretch marks. I am so worried where this is going to stop.
My pantry doesn’t contain much junk food anymore, and the food wrappers that I have found in her bedroom are things that I don’t buy.
With her having trouble in the past with cutting, I just don’t know how to approach her and speak to her about it. I know I do need to have the conversation but I don’t know how to go about it.
Can I get some advice please without anyone judging me? I
3 Replies
I think that maybe you should see a GP alone and discuss a plan of how to get her to see a doctor with a view to get her into some sort of counselling. Her mental health needs looking after first then you can look at her weight. At home you need to model the correct behaviour- food isn't the enemy and should be seen as fuel for the most part. Ensure what is in the pantry is healthy and nutritious especially snacks. If you have junk food enjoy it and dont feel guilty for having it - demonstrate to her that junk foods are ok sometimes and they aren't anything to be ashamed of. As for what she buys herself well you can't control that but you can give her the confidence to make the right choices by modeling it yourself. Congrats on getting healthy yourself! I am in the process of doing so and have lost 5kg in the last 5 weeks! You better believe I'm still eating nutella for dessert though!!
Just talk to her. Sit her down, tell her you love and support her, but you're concerned about her well being.
Ask her if she wants to see a gp, if she wants to seek counselling. Don't concern yourself, or her, with her weight right now, that seems to be a secondary issue. If you deal with the underlying issues first, you should be able to tackle the weight/over-eating in time.
Tell her about your own issues too. Sometimes teens think they're not going to be heard or understood because mum or dad has never been through it. Mutual ground helps.
Remember to listen and accept anything she tells you. Even if you don't believe what she's saying, these are HER thoughts and feelings, and should not be dismissed.
Good luck, teens are hard!
You are her example you said yourself. Join the gym with her and get her motivated, both of you together. Once she starts working out, even if it’s just walking on the treadmill she will feel better and the better you feel the less junk you eat. She will
Also feel happier in herself. Do this for your daughter. I’ve done it and the gym made me feel amazing. I looked forward to going, I ate better, felt better and lost weight. It would be a good bonding time with your daughter and you can help each other. Also you need to get her a care plan from the Dr and get her some professional help. Do it now before it’s too late and she is the age where you have no say in it. If you don’t join the gym then get her out walking with you, go for big walks and enjoy the time together.