We have been together for 12 years and have 2 beautiful kids together.. many happy memories and many happy years but now we are basically co-existing... if I’m completely honest if I hadn’t fallen pregnant so early on we would not still be together... Cracks are now showing and his a real controlling person and can’t handle me having friends who are guys that aren’t his friends, I’m allowed to hang with mutual friends but if I have mates that are guys myself that’s a no... I’m really trying and giving it my all but it seems to be on his terms and rules and there is no give.. I’m so run down and feeling like someone I don’t like anymore but how do I walk away and lose everything, I know I’ll lose some mutual friends initially but I feel like I’m completely losing myself, I also don’t feel like I can tell anyone cause they just will tell me it’s normal.. please help I’m so lost :( ?
4 Replies
The friends with guys thing has me wondering... I just know I wouldn't be overly comfortable with my partner hanging out with a female friend one on one. And yeah, I might be called controlling but I wouldn't allow it. It's not accepted in most relationships. How do you feel when he hangs out with females? Does he have any reason to control this aspect (previous trust issues or any past trust issues from you?)
To address everything else, at the end of the day. If you aren't happy, leave. You don't need any other reason other then you aren't happy. Don't teach your children to stay in an unhappy relationship because that isn't a healthy one. If you lose friends then they weren't good enough friends anyway, too bad.
Really? One of my best friends is a guy (yes he is heterosexual and yes he is single and we are the same age) and I speak or text him every day, we catch up with or without the kids, and I can tell you now if my husband even once told me I “wasn’t allowed” he’d be getting a huge F U. A persons gender does not determine their ability to be my friend. I love my friend But that doesn’t equal sexual attraction nor does it equate to me placing him in a husband role and discussing things that should only be discussed in an intimate relationship.
I agree, I have always had close male friends, more like brothers than anything. My husband knows me and trusts me. If he told me I could go, I would tell him where to go. In saying that, he trusts me and I have respect for him and he knows they are just mates. I could have got with any one of them before him if it was any diff. We aren’t like that. My mates just have more in common with me than my female friends & they don’t judge. I find a lot of female friends are quick to judge.
Maybe pack up with the kids and tell him you are having a break, see how you go. Find yourself and have time out.