Does it break anyone else's heart when fanily doesn't acknowledge your kids birthdays. What about people you thought were good friends. My son's birthday was today and I just feel horrible that so many people I thought were so important in our lives can't even take time to send a simple message or a quick call for a child's birthday. It makes me feel like are they even worth my time if they can't be bothered with us. I just don't get how there is like 5 or 6 people I would expect to hear from and yet nothing. Is this petty?
Does you family and friends miss important things in your life?
Does you family and friends miss important things in your life?
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt
14 Replies
I get this.
My dad hasn't bothered with my kids birthdays for years, neither have any of my in-laws and my mum sporadically either goes all out or ignores them entirely (two of my kids birthdays are only a week apart, she'll often 'remember' one but not the other's) which honestly hurts more because it confuses and upsets the kids.
The way I see it though, my kids will be okay either way. They'll have enriched lives and they'll remember and appreciate the people who cared and were involved.
The people who don't bother with my kids now ought to not expect the golden treatment when my kids are grown up.
No, not at all. The only person that acknowledges my families special days are one of my aunties and my grandmother.
My own sisters and mother couldn’t care less. At the last lot of birthdays (they are all really close together) my mother didn’t bother to wish my kids a good day. When I messaged and asked later and asked if she wanted to FaceTime the kids and say happy birthday, she said she didn’t have time. When I rang her to tell her I had given birth she said “yeah okay, but you woke me up (8am) I’m going back to sleep, I’ll call you in a day or two after I’ve fed the animals” I didn’t hear from her for over a month.
Some people are arse holes, you just have to lean to be okay with it’s it
So I expect my parents and my husbands parents and our brother and sisters to remember and acknowledge their birthdays but my friends have lives completely outside of mine and I struggle to remember their birthdays let alone their kids so I don't expect them to even worry about it. I get it our kids are the centre of our world but they aren't the centre of THE world so cut your friends some slack. As for family as a previous poster said some people are just arseholes even if they are a relative so maybe they really aren't worth your time?
My husbands family is interstate. We are the ones that make all of the effort. My husband is always the one to call them. We travel there once a year - they haven’t visited us despite all of the promises and the guilt trips and snide comments I get when we’re there. If a birthday is remembered it’s always my eldest child’s (we have 4).
I used to get disappointed and upset but now I just feel sad for my husband that they don’t put in any effort. But really it’s their loss because they’re missing out on knowing and having a close relationship with our amazing kids and I thank goodness for my family that always goes above and beyond
I wouldn’t expect to hear from friends. My parents and sisters, yes.
Just a quick text message is all I expect. But if someone missed it I wouldn’t be upset.
Life is busy and stuff happens.
It angers me that my SIL is so self absorbed she can't be bothered acknowledging our children. We used to ring & send gifts for her child AND step children, but weren't invited to their birthday parties. Even at Christmas we're ignored unless it suits her. But, this is the way she behaves about everything & she hurt a lot of people by having her expensive wedding venue & leaving family off the list to pay for it. I've accepted she's just a selfish b*tch.
My brother is similar but at least calls on the kids' birthdays & plays with them a lot when he sees them.
On the other hand, I've friends who enjoy buying my kids gifts every birthday & Christmas & their grandparents do as well so they're definitely not ignored.
For me if my in-laws, parents or my siblings forgot my kids birthdays (or mine) it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest (or even if they forgot mine!). I would definitely not expect friends to remember my kids birthdays but in the event they did I would be incredibly touched.
I personally think that a good friend/family member show their love and care in other ways e.g. contacting me/the kids to see how we are, catching up etc. Everyone is so incredibly busy so I can understand that their focus would be on just trying to maintain their life!
Not at all. If we saw them and said it was their birthday and they didn't say happy birthday it would be odd but otherwise, no. Did you have a party and invite them?
I think it depends on what the past has told you, do they make a big deal about birthdays but chose to not be a part of this event? or are birthdays not their thing? My family I absolutely expect would call and or message we also do dinner with in the week of a birthday. However this requires communication and effort on all people involved. As for friends, Nope can't be angry about that people have their own lives and kids, and with covid so much stress might not be top of mind .
This was the cherry on top for the end of my relationship with my parents.
November every year they acknowledged my eldest daughters birthday, January every year they didn’t even bother sending a happy birthday text via me for my youngest daughters birthday... this went on for over 4 years and I eventually snapped.
Its definitely not petty feeling that way.
Yep! But only close family, I don't expect friends to remember at all.
Especially crappy when it's the grandparents and they make the effort for other grandchildren but not your own. My kids are nothing now that my stepmother has her "own" blood grandchildren but would kick up a stink if my kids didn't call her gran. Really bloody sucks and so hurtful.
Honestly not any more. I use to get upset about things like this and then I woke up one day and realised I was putting to much effort in and not receiving the same back.
Yes its very heart breaking. When my children's grandparents on hubby side buy all the other grandkids lots of things not just for birthdays and mine get nothing it hurts ( not because of the gifts but because they are now old enough to understand they are treated so different). How do you explain to a child that only wanted to be accepted that they never will. Yes they deny it all but we get ZERO HELP with any aspect of life while the rest get a silver platter.
I feel for you because I have been in this position. I am the only family member with kids. My other siblings chose not to have kids. My kids are the only kids in my family. We all live in different parts of Australia so they don’t even see my kids. I had friends who I was always there for and made a big effort when it come to their kids birthdays. Then there was me, my husband away for work on their birthdays which everyone knew. Here I was taking my kids out on my own for dinner on their birthdays when my friends had excuses. It was like this on Christmas also every year, I spent alone with my kids. I would get the off text msg but never any effort from anyone. I felt sad and lonely that my kids have grown up without family, cousins friends like I did. In the end I got so depressed and lonely, I slowly cut off the friends who I did so much for and I made my husband leave his job and we moved away. I have now the best of friends who treat my kids like family and make an effort. The move did me good and so did getting rid of those in my life who never bothered. It wasn’t because they were busy, they used to suit themselves but it’s my fault because I let them.I am genuine and giving and always put others first. I am not happier than ever and my kids have friends that are family. The are now seeing what it’s like to celebrate birthdays with family and friends.