Ok so my fiancé has two grown daughters
The eldest on has a lot of influence ( in my eyes) on certain things like the way he spends his well earned income !
About 5-6 months ago this daughter I’ve just mentioned asked me to take her children to child care before I go to work .. no drama at all didn’t mind
About 2 months ago she arranged for us to mind her kids for a ‘couple’ of hours! No drama either
The night before it turned into a whole day of minding but she never asked if that was ok 😔 I was pissed off my partner new but didn’t say anything , after her picking the kids up .. we hadn’t heard from her .. I text her every Tuesday to tell her or ask if she needed me to take the kids to school .. she didn’t answer !
So cutting a long story short I had words with my partner about how she isn’t speaking with me .. knows I have text her but rings her father and I am still no where near knowing what time to pick her kids up !
So I let loose saying ‘ she only using me etc etc and for him to sort it out I then said I will take the kids this week to school but she will have to find other alternative arrangements!
She completely ignored me whilst being with her and felt like shit ..
I am wrong to have a bee in my bonnet !
My thoughts are she asked me directly to take her kids to school ! She is suppose to communicate any arrangements with me ?
Sorry for the long plight
9 Replies
If she only speaks to him about the child minding duties (or in general), sounds like Pop needs to step up and do the babysitting.
Buggered if I'd be babysitting for someone who didn't even have the decency to text me back about the details of that babysitting.
I also suggest you remove the bit about her influencing his financial decisions. Whether true or otherwise it's not really relevant to the issue at hand and commenters will jump on you like a pack of wolves for it....
I wouldn't do favours for her anymore, Dad can do what he likes but sounds like she's using you up a bit and you don't need to put up with it. I would send a text "Sorry, unable to drop kids off anymore due to lack of communication. This could lead to a mix up in the future so you are better off finding someone who you can communicate with so there's no risk of your children missing a pick up or drop off"
Let the father deal with it . In any event, he shouldn't have to either since she's an adult now herself.
And u not liking how she comments to him on the way he spends his money is neither your or her business, frankly. When i say not your business , i mean by you implying she tells him how to spend his money. That's their discussion. But not her business either . It's up to him to tell her to mind her own business .
If his money goes into a joint account shared with op, then it is her business. The daughter definitely needs to be told to mind her own business about her father’s financial concerns but it needs to come from her father. The post doesn’t mention whether they live together or share finances, which impacts if op should be concerned or not.
I don't think you understood what i wrote. I mentioned its not her business that his daughter asks him.
I even specified that.
I made that clear in my comment. How you missed that is unreal 🤣
Are you saying she has him wrapped around her little finger and in turn they're both treating you badly? Remember your issue is with him, hes your partner. You dont actually have to do anything for her, shes his grownup child. Focus on how you feel about his expectations of you.
She can communicate with you. I certainly wouldn't be chasing anyone who asks ME for a favour.
If she complains just say you texted & and received no reply or necessary details so assumed she didn't need the help. I'd make sure you tell your partner this as well.
If you're not told about extended babysitting then leave your partner to it & fulfill your original plans for the day. He might learn to ask, or might not have expected you to babysit anyway.
If you allow them to treat you like rubbish, they'll keep treating you as such. I've been there with many people, many times. Just go about your business and be polite but firm.
So stop doing it.