I recently broke up with my partner and and as a result he has moved (run away) interstate. I don’t foresee him coming back.
We have a one year old baby together and I have significant post natal depression. I’m am severely struggling with single parenting, even though I have very supportive family that take the baby 1-2 nights/week. It’s just not enough.
I would never have had a baby if I could have predicted I would not have had a partner.
I actually hate being a mother.
I keep thinking about giving the baby up. Either to my dead beat partner or my family.
I just don’t know what to do.
My psychiatrist suggested a Nanny, but that’s not financially feasible.
Please help.
I am So angry at my ex for being able to just walk away commitment free and Live his life.
Do I give up my baby?
Do I give up my baby?
Posted in:
Mental Health, Post Natal Depression, Parenthood Guilt, Baby & Toddler
9 Replies
Separation is never easy, especially with a bubs and the tough time that you're already going through. Giving up your baby is a huge decision, and something you might regret later in life. The baby stages are only a pinch in time. They grow up into such independent little things very fast and make the best company when their character begins to show. I'd look at what/who can support you now to get through this tough time.
Have you shared your thoughts with your family? Would they be willing to help out more often knowing what the other option is? Thats great you've got psychiatry support, do they specialise in maternal/family mental health so you have the best outcome? Have you linked in with mums/bubs group for social support? All I'm saying is make sure you've tried ALL other options before making such a big decision. Parenting is NEVER easy, it comes with challenges. I have gone through 2 separations (2 Dads) and to be to honest it's my children, who are now grown up (8 and 15), who are the sunshine in my world.
Your ex sounds like a loser, but don't let the resentment towards him feed into your post natal depression or affect the relationship with your child. Your baby needs you, and you may not realise it yet, but you need your baby. You will be each other's rock throughout life.
You'll get there Mumma. Stay strong. Time heals and before you know it you're gonna have a little person looking up at you, admiring you and telling how much they love you. Hang in there for those moments.
And reach out to your family. You don't need to go through this alone xo
Get yourself to a psych for pnd. You have it bad. You chose to have the baby, nothing else is guaranteed. Its hard, sure, but it doesnt have to be that hard. You have a good support network, you just need to get your head into a better place. Things are fresh, the baby is young, dont do anything permanent, remind yourself the problem feels permanent but it is temporary. Things with kids change so fast. Life circumstances change. Small things make big differences and the things that you think you cant bear, will be the things you love most when youre mentally doing well.
You need to get mentally well, keep seeing the psyche.
I’ve been where you are, a few years on, that little person is the absolute light of my life and my best friend.
Babies/toddlers are hard, breaking up is hard, PND is hard, but I promise you’ll get through this.
You’ll even reach a point where you will feel sorry for him, missing out on seeing that beautiful child grow up, I know you can’t see it now, but you will.
Just keep plodding along, take care of yourself, be kind to yourself.
Sending you light and love.
I would be going straight to your local psych ward alongside your baby and demanding to be an inpatient at the mother and baby unit. They’ll take you seriously and help you to heal alongside your child. They’ll contact DHS and social services because they will get you the help you need and provide you with the services you need like cleaning and shopping etc. - so don’t let any big terms scare you
Yes I think you should. If you're even having this thought then you hold some resentment to your child. If you only had a baby for the picture you wanted to paint then do your child a favour and let him live with a family that will love him. If your ex won't take the child put it up for adoption.
Firstly, I just wanted to acknowledge how strong you are for going through all this - the separation, the change in lifestyle and the mum guilt, pnd and for still being able to acknowledge that its not working and somethings got to give.
I'm not a counsellor, so please feel free to take my advice with a grain of salt.
The fact that you're wanting to give up your baby because its hard right now tells me a few things - that you're struggling, that you're experiencing a tonne of guilt but that you ultimately want the best thing for your child. I would encourage you to seek some help for your PND because this is most likely what is causing the horrible fog and also because you probably need some help to process your new role as a single parent and also to process the break up.
Now that you are a single parent, put in a claim to centrelink to ensure you are financially covered during this time, hopefully you will also receive a healthcare card which will mean your doctors visits will be free. Book a doctors appt, and they will get you to fill out a questionnaire and book an appt for you with a counsellor and possibly discuss antidepressants (there are breastfeeding friendly ones too if you are still doing that).
I guarantee you, that a handful of sessions will completely change your perspective of everything. It will help you get through this.
My heart goes out to you and I truly hope for the best. I have no doubt that you are an amazing mum who is doing the best for your child every single day.
Lastly, from a personal experience - i was raised by a single mum, dad completely out of the picture. My mum struggled lots and we didn't have the best of everything and there were some really horrible times - BUT I absolutely look up to her as one of the strongest, most inspiring people I know. Your child may not be able to express this yet, but I guarantee that they will looking at you in the same way.
There is a site called rockmybaby which is set up by women who are seeking help with their children (https://www.rockmybaby.com.au/pages/services-nanny) . Centrelink offers daycare rebates if you need extra days for bub to go somewhere (so instead of $50 + it could be $0 - $20) There are so many options!
don’t let that baby go to your ex!! Reach out to your family and explain to them and maybe one of them can help more for now. Things will get better and you will learn to cope and love this baby. Also if you think you may harm the baby at anytime then ring 000 or a family member and in the mean time leave bub in her cot where she is safe and walk out side until help arrives. I’m not saying you would do anything but we all never know when we are at our wits end. You have so many things to look forward to with her, you just need time and the right help. Good for you for admitting it. Good luck with everything.
I think you need to speak with child protection and look at fostering baby out to either your family or other carers.
If you hate being a mother then baby will be picking up on it and that is bad for baby.
Take the time away to seriously consider if you want to mother this child and do it properly
I wish i knew who you were, if we knew each other, i would reach out and tell you that i would gladly take care of your precious baby for you as long as you need. Do you have any close friends that may also do the same, with or without their own kids. Dont forget, its ok not to be ok, takes a courageous person to speak up on a public forum honestly, about something so taboo as a mum not "wanting" your own baby. Reach out to give this baby a safe option for bub to be cared for while u r figuring this out.