I’m 42, my partner is 32. I have 2 kids already getting towards teenagers. He has none, but has mentioned he would like a child of his own and to go through pregnancy with the mother and enjoy a baby. He works a lot. Should I have a baby? Would most likely have to do ivf. I’m worried about it getting a few years down the track and he resenting next/regretting being with me if we don’t. But do I really want to go back to nappies etc?!
17 Replies
if you truly want to and can afford it etc then why not. I know people whose kids have 19year age gaps or the couple themselves have a huge age gap. Each to their own.
Age gap wouldn’t concern me.
I’d be more worried putting myself though a pregnancy in my 40s. But then I felt truly done in my 30s.
Do you really want a baby or is it something you’d be doing for your partner? Remember you’ve got raise the child for the next 18 years.?
Only you can answer that question. We can only tell you what our personal choices would be.
Mothers (mostly) do the majority of the work & sacrifice so be 100% sure YOU want a baby & that it doesn't stop your dreams & ambitions to fulfill someone else's.
I think you need to decide what you want, regardless of your partner's desire & stick to it.
Assuming you fall pregnant within the next 12 to 18 months, you'll be in your early 60s with an 18 year old. How does that prospect make you feel?
I think you and your partner need to have a very open, honest and realistic chat about what you want and what is in everyone's best interests in terms of more children and the future as well.
I'm in my early 50's with an 18 yo.
Whats 10 more years. Id think twice if it were 15 to 20 more years tho. I know a lot of grandparent aged parents who still raise teens. Its more normal than u think
I didn't say it wasn't normal and I didn't say that it doesn't happen.
I was asking OP if having a teenager when she's in her 60s is something that she wants. Given that she has her reservations about having a baby at her current age, it seems wise for her to be realistic and consider if raising another child through her late 40s, 50s and into her 60s is something that she's willing and able to do.
If she does want to do that, more power to her. If she doesn't, then it needs to be addressed now.
I never said you said those things, clearly. I merely put my point forward in my own words, i thought that was obvious? I was putting insight forward to you that it can be done as im living it, and speaking from experience . Sometimes it just helps from a different perspective , like you have also done, if she does choose to go thru with it or not.
60 is very different to 50!
Agreed
For me that's a big NO. My hubby and I have a 10 year age gap (he younger) and got together when I was in my mid 30's. We have 1 child who was conceived via IVF and although we were lucky enough to get pregnant on our first attempt the stress and anxiety that comes with IVF was enough to put we off ever going back and as I moved into my late 30's, for me having another child at the age was a big NO. This is my second marriage (hubby's first) - no children for either of us prior to getting together.
My brother is 50 and just had a child with his fiancee who is 8 years younger. She has never been married and had no children so my brother felt obligated. He is struggling. He has 2 teenage boys from his first marriage and never thought he would end up a new dad at 50. The bub was born 8 weeks early during the pandemic lockdown which put significant strain on every aspect of their life.
I also have a big age gap relationship but he's older so I definitely see nothing wrong with the age gap. But when you're the older one it gets tricky I think as getting pregnant later can cause issues. Not saying they definitely will and yes lots of women have perfectly healthy babies at 40 and older, but the risks are still higher. My partner is 48 and I'm 29 and he doesn't have kids so I may have one with him in a few years. But if I was the older one I personally wouldn't. I really feel for you, it would be a hard decision! Good luck with whatever you decide.
I don't think you should because it doesn't really sound like it's something you want, you just want to keep your partner happy.
I’ve just turned 40 And he’s 39 so don’t have the relationship age Gap but I do have the big gap between my current youngest and this baby I’m currently 28 weeks with.
I sometimes wonder if I’ve done the right decision but I know in my heart that I have.
Each relationship is different and if you want to have another baby then go for it.
I’m 42, there’s no way I would, I have a 13 year old.
Maybe I’m an old 42 😂😂😂
Also, I would make sure the relationship is rock solid, been together a long while because you don’t want to be doing it alone.
You know the stress that babies put on a relationship.
To be honest, may be an unpopular opinion, but I wouldnt and haven’t got involved with someone that age for this very reason. Ive told one to find someone their own age as we are at different stages of life.
The other way doesn’t matter, men can be old and father kids, but in my opinion, we can’t.
If you don’t want to then no, absolutely not. It’s not fair on you or the child.
13 yrs between my brother and I. watched my parents go through a lot.
also consider your children's feelings. I was 13. I rebelled, I hated everything because all the attention was taken away (not saying you'd do that but giving another perspectivefrom the child's side!). id have a serious sit down with your kids and partner and discuss their feelings too
I'm the same age as you and have a nearly 15yo, 13yo and 11yo and there is no way in the world id have another. But in my case my husband is on the same page as me which makes it very easy for me. I'm not 100% sure what I'd do if he wasn't, but I don't think I could have another baby just for him. If you are not really keen then you're likely the one that will feel resentment later.