Hi ladies this may be a little long so bare with me.
A bit of back story.
My ex and I were on again off again for 20 years, 5 kids from 17-2. I told him at the start of this year no more. I’m over the crap, his drug abuse, his mood swings, his verbal abuse towards not only me but my kids too. Well in March his mother suddenly passed away and he was her full time carer, he has siblings so one of them would go spend time with her and he’d sleep in his van in my driveway to spend time with the kids but since she passed away he’s been back to his place maybe 4 nights all up, the rest of the time he’s here.
Come to now, September, and I suffer from depression (I have since I was a kid), and the more he’s around the more depressed I get and a couple of weeks ago when I was having a bad week he abused me calling me a fat, lazy c*nt, I’m useless, I’m a f*cked mother, my kids would be better off with him than me and so on. I just cried and hid in my room for a little while.
Today my 8 year old asked me “Is Dad really going to find a house to rent so that all us kids can move in with him?” I damn near broke down but I held it together and said that I wish he would get his own house so he has his own space but no one would HAVE to go live with him. She sighed and said “Thank God! I don’t want to live with him, he’s too cranky and mean all the time,”
So he’s trying to turn my kids against me and get them all to live with him, my first thought was ‘that’s be right, he wouldn’t have to find work if he had the kids after being on the carers pension for years. I’m just so angry at him, but then feel guilty about telling him to leave cause he has no where to go now his mum isn’t here. I don’t know whether I’m asking for advice or asking for people to share their courage to help me finally be rid of him, but thanks for reading.
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
3 Replies
What do you mean hes here? In the van in your driveway? In your house? Get him out! Stop letting him walk over you and disrespect you. He can have his kids when he has somewhere to have them. Youre probably having him there because youre depressed and want help with the kids. But youll feel better and be able to get better when hes gone. Out of your space. Dont have anybody speak to you like that in your own home. He did, hes not welcome there anymore.
Do not feel guilty. Hes an adult, you are not his parent. Just send him off, end the conversation when he puts it back on you. Just say this isnt working for me. Its not ok for you or the kids. You have to go today.
He's got siblings. He can stay with them. He isn't your problem. He's a junkie and you've given him 20 years of too many chances so he pretty much calls your bluff now. Step up and get an AVO out on him it will also get him out of your driveway. He's not fit to be around kids either. Especially the 2yo..
Please do all you can to remove him from your property. Then report to whomever, whatever about your situation and make sure to let c/link know that you have the kids full time. Get in touch with your local women's center to get advise and contacts. They'll help you through this.
big hugs and love. My ex is extremely toxic.