Help
I'm at my Witt's ends. I don't what to do anymore. My girl is just out of control and i don't know what to do. She was such a good kid and lately (she isn't bad) but she has this new found attitude and lack of motivation. Just Over a year ago we lost her father in a car accident and exactly two weeks later her dog was put to sleep. She was such a sweet, caring and polite little girl, full of life and the most beautiful little soul. Now She is swearing alot, skipping classes at school, back chatting , and never wants to come out of her room or leave the house. She wants no interaction with her friends outside of school and for the most part getting her up for school is a mission. She is constantly in detention and I'm getting Numerous phone calls from school about her behaviour. We have discussed seeing a counselor but she refuses to go and when we have gone she refuses to talk. I've tried on numerous occasions just having one on one days out with her going to lunch and a walk to try and get her to open up but she laughs everything off and tries to convince me nothing is wrong. Her older siblings and uncle have tried talking to her but she just shits down.I don't know what to do anymore I feel like my once happy go lucky little girl has just disappeared. I'm really hoping she is still in there some one. I just don't know what to do and feel like I'm watching her slowly sink deeper and deeper into this black hole. I feel like she may be depressed,which is understandable after the year we have had but how do I help her when she doesn't seem to want the help.
Teenage depression
Teenage depression
Posted in:
Loss & Grief, Helping others through Grief
9 Replies
Dont stop trying.
Dont say, he tried counseling it didn't work. Keep trying. Keep trying at all of it. You will get there, but she needs guidance and help, dont stop trying to find the way.
Thanka, I'm definitely not going to stop trying. I haven't said that the counseling didn't work , she just refuses to speak when she goes. I still speak with her about it and try to encourage her to go. I guess I was hoping from advice from other parents who may have been through the same struggle on tips that may help. It's hard watching her go through this and I just don't know what to do, other than continue on the same path and hope that one day she opens up. My heart is breaking for her đź’”
I am speaking from experience here so please listen. When she sees a councillor let her be in the room by herself. Go to a psychologist, they are trained and know what to do. What you may not understand is that it’s very normal not to speak. My son can’t speak when he goes so the psychologist communicates with him by writing, drawing or thumbs up and down. If she can’t speak she can put her thumb up to yes or down to no. It’s ok not to speak. Just being there and going each week she will slowly build up a relationship and feel comfortable to speak when the time is right for her. You can’t push it but it will happen. My son is coming along so good and slowly starting to speak one word more each session. The help she gets now is going to help her for the rest of her life, so it’s really important to stay on top of it now.
Non speaking comes with anxiety and fear. It’s normal but she needs professional help. This is her whole life ahead of her.
She is grieving. Although she is resistant she sees your effort she just doesn’t have it in her to accept it yet.
Get her to the dr with you and get a care plan and see a psychologist. The poor kid has so much pain and grief inside and doesn’t know how to deal with it. Please give her a big hug and be open with her. Tell her you know how painful it is and she needs to talk to you. Keep up the hugs. Right now she is feeling so alone with this pain and probably thinks eveyone around her has forgotten her pain. The pain of losing a dad never leaves. Please show her how much you love her and understand the pain and keep checking on her. Be very open and honest. Most of all be very present even when she fobs you off. Cry with her tell her you miss him too anything just let her know it’s not forgotten. Get her to a psychologist ASAP. Start with the dr and a care plan. she desperately needs this.
Kids don’t want help because they don’t understand it and what it all means. You are the parent and you must force this help professionally for her own good.
I have at times forced her to go,she ends up coming home worse than she left. Im trying to leave it for when she is ready to take those steps. As much as I want her to get the help I also don't want to force her into something at such a tender stage of her life. She is grieving and I don't have a right to tell her how she can grieve and when she is and isn't ready to talk . We are all different and we all grieve differently. Yes I am here to make sure she does the right thing and I pull her up on her shitty behaviour because despite what she has been through it is not acceptable. I know she needs the help but I also know they need to want it.I have just signed her up to a program at school that is specially designed for young girls of her age that we think may help her, I have also spoken with the school and we have her booked into see a guidance counselor once a week(she thinks it's because she has been in touble so much at school) but After speaking with the school about her behaviour and what has happened leading up to this they have come on board with trying to help and we are all hoping that she may open up to them after a few weeks.
That’s great it sounds like you are doing all that you can. I am different. I force my son to get help and he doesn’t want to go but he is the opposite and comes out feeling relieved. im glad you have spoken to the school. I would also look at the school getting her into some kind of course outside of school when she is able to such a tafe because she will be mixing with older kids with similar interested and be out of the comfort zone with school. I got my son into a course out of school and it’s done him wonders and helped pull him out of it. Good luck you are doing. A great job! keep going. It’s tough but she will thank you for it one day. Standing by her because you love her and care so much.