Sisters.... please, I would so appreciate everyone’s opinion. This is extremely uncomfortable for me too post, but I need too tell somebody 😢
I’ll try stick with the main points. I have lived with my in-laws for some time. Never had any issues, occasional disagreement like any adults running a house hold. They are wonderful with my kids & like second parents too me. Sadly, we lost my MIL recently & very suddenly. Our plans were too move next year, but we decided too stay with FIL, as he would be lost without the kids (us too). I was happy too do so.
Since my MIL passing, FIL has been lovely letting me know I’m the woman of the house, he is happy for me too change or do as I please. I’m fortunate he has always been fond of me, as one of my sister in laws, he is extremely stubborn with. He will often give me a peck on the check or a hug. This has always been fine, no reason for it not too. During the week, we were in the car going somewhere and for some reason he went too peck me on the check. No worries. But then he pulled my face back too kiss him on the lips? Forcefully? I felt very confused; even my child in the back asked why he did it. He then put his hand on my closed thighs, so between them, and made a comment about not yet?? For days, I felt so confused & tried too block it from my mind. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I kind of avoided being around him after that, thinking surely I was misunderstood or something. Then today, after having a friendly chat in the morning, I was putting washing in the machine & thanked him for getting something I asked at the supermarket. He then went too kiss me on the cheek, I thought, but went for my lips? I instantly went too pull away & laughed nervously, he forcefully tried too turn my head around and I kind of fumbled & made it clear I was uncomfortable. I said oh no I don’t kiss on the lips. He then went away, again I was shocked. A few hours later I made some food & when my son gave him a bowl, he made a off hand comment about not wanting any food I made? My son heard him & questioned it, which he ignored.
I apologise this is so long. Also for the rambling. But I’m still processing. I am genuinely shocked, confused & angry. Surely I can’t misunderstand the 2 instances? I’ve never felt uncomfortable like that before with him. Now I feel horrible in my own home. How & DO I even tell my partner? He has just lost his mother. His father is such a kind & family man, extremely dedicated too his faith (not that it means shit sometimes). Nobody would believe me, how could they? But then, why would I say something so damaging? I keep too myself & have never caused any grief between family. and I wouldn’t even want people too know or have too think that way about him. But it’s not fair I’ve been made too feel like this. I should also add, english is his second language & tbh even if it wasn’t; no way would I want too confront him about what’s happened. But sisters what the hell can I do? We travel in the car daily for a short period, although theirs always a child with us, I feel awkward. I don’t want it too ever happen again. If I knew it wouldn’t, I could try put it behind me. Now I’m on edge.
10 Replies
You need to tell your husband and you need to put boundaries in place now.
People can do sone strange things when they are grieving but also they can show there true colours when there partner isn’t around to supervise anymore.
Is this the reason he doesn’t get on with SIL?
Agreed. Come from a place if care... I.e. maybe he needs a grief counsellor? That might help your husband hear it more easily
Unfortunately older generation wouldn’t even think of seeing anyone. Also, I believe it brought up too him, he would completely horrified or offended like I was in the wrong? I hope that makes sense. But again, I know a million percent I haven’t over reacted 😞
SIL is very outspoken/opinionated. Can come across as rude & arrogant when theirs no need for it. A lot of the time means well, but is overbearing & will try change/move things. Things like reorganising furniture, or changing kitchen cupboards. She is an extreme neat freak. FIL is older & set in his ways, I’ve learned too adapt & just let him be; don’t sweat the small stuff.
Yes tell your husband.
The fil is being quite wrong. It could all be explained by grief, him being old, lonely, being the gen that needs a woman, but you are married to his son! He also needs to behave right regardless of any excuses.
Tell your husband, move out, put your no touching walls up to him now, and dont be scared of him. You are well within your rights to say clearly not to touch or try to kiss you and to whack him if he grabs you ever again.
The above comment sums it up perfectly but just wanted to add that he is 100% in the wrong and there is absolutely no excuse for this disgusting behaviour with any woman let alone his daughter in law. I’m so sorry that it’s happened to you xx
I would also be concerned about dementia. Some of the first signs is forgetting social cues. And exhibiting inappropriate sexual behaviour.
I had a FIL who did that to me. I told him that I do not kiss on the mouth with anyone but my husband. He got angry. My response to him was simply "We are not intimate, therefore you do not kiss me on the mouth." He didn't talk to me for about a month, but then got over it and only then kissed me on the cheek.
Ummm tell your husband and tell him you don’t know what to do or don’t want to cause trouble. You have your kids around this man. You also need to explain to them that he isn’t to touch them. He is grieving but it’s no excuse. if your kids tell your husband it will come across a lot worse. You need to do it and he needs to know not to do it again else you move out. Your poor husband what a shit situation! And yourself, how awkward and uncomfortable.
I would definitely mention it to your husband.
Also, inappropriate sexual behaviours are quite commonly associated with the first signs of dementia, this is not me saying you should put up with because nobody should, set boundaries and if possible try not to be in a position where you are alone with him. If you can , make an appointment with your gp and speak to them about the odd behaviours of FIL.