My husband and I are going through a lot right now and things are looking like we might separate.
When it gets heated between us he tells me he is going to take away our children (1 & 3) and if I want to see them then I will have to take him to court.
Part of me knows it's an empty threat but I want to know what can I do if it does happen.
I have PND so he thinks he will be able to use that against me being the asshole that he is.
I wish I could just walk out the door now and take my kids but I have no where to go, we are in debt and I have no family in the country.
I know he can't handle the kids on his own with his busy schedule but he has a big family who will help him out if needed.
I have always believed that a parent shouldn't take away the right of another parent to see their child unless the child was in danger but he would just do it out of spite.
How do I go forward and not risk loosing my kids?
Don't want to loose my kids
Don't want to loose my kids
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Post Natal Depression
4 Replies
Ok firstly he can't stop you seeing your kids. And yeah it probably is an empty threat. Even if you are both in debt you may still be able to leave. Luckily you live in Australia so I assume you'd be able to get centrelink benefits etc quite quickly. So don't sit back and take the threats arm yourself with information. Information is power and you may find your not that badly off and can leave with the kids. There are free over the phone legal services that can explain the ins and outs of custody. In the mean time try not to get dragged into verbal fights it sounds like they aren't achieving anything other than him saying the thing that would hurt you the most.
Are you a SAHM? If your the one who's looking after the kids just make sure he doesn't get a lot of chances to take them. If you separate try and do things as a family rather then them him taking them by himself somewhere. If your kids are at day care or kinder warn the teachers that if he comes to pick them up surprisingly call you and stall him etc. If the kids have passports you can put a red flag on them so he can't leave the country. I would write a log of all the time you are with the kids/jobs you do compared to him to prove your the primary caregiver. I would see a lawyer immediately before you separate so you can fight for custody first. I wouldn't be too worried as most men can't actually handle the children by themselves and would rather have tthem part time anyway. And the judge usually gives preference to mum unless of serious issues. If you have any problems I would be trying to fix them now
I know you're afraid but don't let his threats control your actions. Judges in ffamily court see nasty pieces of work using their children as weapons every day, and they don't like it. Get as much education as possible regarding Centerlink payments, Anglicare has free financial advisors as well as info and links to emergency accommodation for you and your children. There is a massive range of support for you, if it comes to court and you can't get legal aid or afford a lawyer, The Salvation Army can help and represent you. As for PND, the majority of mothers experience it, especially when their partner is not a supportive friend. Going to a doctor and getting a diagnosis/treatment is a good thing and any judge will agree. He cannot use it against you. Just remember, your family may not be close but you are not alone. Not by a long shot xxx
My ex used to say the same, we've been apart 5 years, he's had the kids for 3 of them. He used my lack of support and depression against me. The court didn't decide I'm unfit or anything extreme like that, just that he's better as his parents bought him a house and moved in with him to help. We had a court order but he took them one weekend and started proceedings the next day claiming it was in the best interest of the kids. I'd say before you leave be prepared! I always say I would've done the actual break up differently if I knew how it was going to end up. Plan plan plan and take it straight to court. Pretty sure you can do that before you even leave. Be strong, be brave because that's what your babies need from you. Best of luck xx