Soon to be 40yo and my partner is 49. Between us we have 5 kids (20, 11, 10, 22months, 7 months). We use protection and I also on the pill, but somehow have fallen pregnant.
I caught between wanting to continue the pregnancy but also worried we don't have the funds to provide for the growing family. I am about to start a new job, which is full-time and new role, my partner has stressful job. We can't afford to live on one income, this job is game changer for my career and will set myself and family up for a comfortable future.
I'm more worried that we can't provide for our children or provide the quality time that each need.
I don't know what I'm asking, just getting my worries off my chest am I being selfish considering not continuing my pregnancy.
15 Replies
It’s not selfish, you are taking into account how your family will survive.
For me, I've found it more natural to want to continue a pregnancy (confirmed or scare) since I've had kids, even if it's the worst timing. That doesnt mean its the right thing for you though, just that if you didnt plan it, we're happy and on track before it, it will just take some extra resolve to stay logical ans go ahead and stay on track.
At the end of the day, it's your decision to make.
I'm just genuinely curious how both the pill and condoms used at the same time together failed?
I hope you come to a decision though that is best for you, whatever that may be xx
It can happen. Maybe the pill wasn't taken at the exact time it should have taken and the condom slipped or broke.
Because nothing is 100% effective even if used correctly and then there is user error too
Different commenter.....I would like to know the probability, very low odds.
Very low odds means it happens to people. Would love to know why you care so much. They didn't plan for or hope for a baby is what she's saying, probing and double checking the details is a bit gross, like you're looking to discredit and place blame? Really it doesn't make any difference to her where she stands now.
Unless there's was carelessness in using two protectants at once, correctly, it's near impossible.
She says she was using both as contraception, but with all the above excuses from you lot, she clearly wasn't.
It's not selfish to look after the children you already have and/or your career 🤷
I thought the same thing when it happened to me. My now 11 year old is the best little boy I could have hoped for.
Not selfish at all. As you do need to consider what is best emotionally, mentally, physically and financially for you and your family.
Accidents happen. And it's a crappy situation to be in. But you have to look out for who you are already responsible for 💜💜
I don’t think it’s selfish at all. In fact it’s quite the opposite. In the end you only want what’s best for your whole family. I think you know I’m your heart what you need to do. I’m at a point in my life where if this happened to me, I don’t think I could do it again. it would be extremely hard to make that call but whatever you choose will be the right thing. Be strong.
Totally understand your situation. I’m still early 30’s but if I was to get pregnant again I wouldn’t hesitate to get rid of it. I have 4 children and I am done.
There is no shame in not wanting another.
Maybe ask hubby if he would consider getting the snip.
Do what you feel is right.
There’s no shame in termination.
I found myself in this situation recently.
We had decided not to have any more children and had an ‘oops’
When I saw the positive pregnancy test, my heart dropped and I just thought ‘NOOOO’
That was the moment that I realised that I had the option. I didn’t have to continue the pregnancy.
My mind was made up and I spoke with my husband, who said he would support whatever decision I made.
We have children with disabilities, plus I am getting older and have previously had pre eclampsia.
It was a decision that I never thought I’d have to make, but the one that was right for me and my family.
Do I have guilt regarding my decision, absolutely. But no regret.
Best wishes to you and your family
Ps- hubs has now had a vasectomy
I’m 40 and my hubby is 48
We have 4 kids together and I fell pregnant in may and after a long talk to hubby and my doctor, we chose to have an abortion, worse decision I had to make but knew it was for the best, I had it at home in the comfort of my bed and ensuite, I went through Marie stopes, you have to have an ultrasound, and a phone consult with a doctor, then they send you the tablets and instructions, it was a smooth process and the cost was $380 by memory
Good luck, Xx