A child of ours and her ex partner wanted a cat each, which they got. They then split and our daughter chose to keep both cats, moving in with us.
Fast forward 6 months, she now has a new boyfriend. Because he lives about one and a half hours away, she spends 2-3 nights per week at his house. Hubby and I have expressed our issues with this as she is not there to look after the cats. Kitty litter can go untouched for 2 days. Initially we were scooping the litter, feeding the cats and topping up water as it is not their fault. Our daughter wants to spend more time with the boyfriend (understandable) but unfair for the cats.
It all came to a peak the other night when we had a chat. We told her that she needs to rehome the cats or she has to move out as we are not doing it anymore. We also said that when you choose to have pets, you choose to be responsible, and that what she is doing is neglect. Because hubby and I have spent lots of time with the cats (because they are lonely), we have become attached. We considered adopting the cats, but as we have had pets for decades and our children are all over 18 years of age, we want a break from responsibility. We want to be able to go away for weekend getaways and holidays without the worry of pets. Additionally, I work at a school and am often in close contact with a child who is anaphylactic to cats. Hubby's best friend is also anaphylactic to cats and doesn't visit him because of it.
I am struggling with the thought of rehoming the cats but know that they deserve a life with a family who will do right by them. I cry because I feel terrible for hurting my daughter and I cry because I know in my heart that the boyfriend is more important to her than the cats. Any advice or input would be appreciated.
12 Replies
What about if she starts paying someone to take care of the kitty litter and feed the cats when she is away?
Doesn’t solve the problem of the deathly allergic best friend or student. The man can’t have his best friend over 🤷🏼♀️
No it doesn't but that's not the Ops question, is it? Her problem in this post is that her daughter is leaving her pets to be with her boyfriend, not that she has the pets to begin with.
Force her to take responsibility so it teaches her, otherwise she will do it again getting pets on a whim and dropping them when it doesn't suit. She took them, she is responsible for their care now which includes rehoming if she's not giving them care.
I think the first offer should be the ex.
Is it really as hard as you think it is or are you more annoyed that she's still living at home? Sounds like there's some resenting going on. 2 days is not a long time to leave cats we do it often. If you like the cats then I don't really see the issue! I'm also allergic to cats and I have never reacted to secondary exposure and personally never heard of it.
I can vouch for secondary exposure being a very real thing.
They are not their cats, they should not HAVE to look after them. Also, the mans best friend is deathly allergic so he can’t have his friend over at the house.
This is pure and simple neglect by this grown ass woman who needs to take responsibility for the animals she has. If these were 2 children, would you say “2 days is not long”? Animals are like children and are a big responsibility. If you’re regularly leaving your animals unattended for 2 days or more, then you are neglectful.
So what happens that's different when she's home? Why is it only a problem when she's away? If the mans best friend is so deathly allergic he wouldnt be allowed to visit at all and if allergies were the issue then the post should be about having the cats at their home at all, not just when shes run off to the boyfriends. I'm allergic and I live in my house with my cat. I don't touch him. Cats are fine unattended for a few days and most pets are as long as they have enough food and water.
I agree, if it were dogs it would be different, but cats are such low maintenance and chances are she’ll be moving out soon.
She’s only gone 2 to 3 nights?
If you go on holidays, she will probably bring boyfriend home to stay and care for them.
I wouldn’t get rid of them, she will probably move out with them soon.
I would be careful about pushing the issue.If she feels like the cats are a burden she will probably move into the new boyfriends before really getting to know him and that could end badly. If she's an adult and already used to living independently my guess is she has already planned to move out.
No brainer. Rehome. It went from daughter has no responsibilities to them, to allergies. Rehome them. There are lots of loving homes out there prepared to take in pets.