I'll start by saying that my daughter is one of those people that small children are just naturally drawn to. She loves little kids and is really good with them, she has hopes of working with children when she's older.
She's actually been awarded with her schools early learning peer supporter leadership role for grade 6 this year.
Now here's where my problem is.
We live in a fairly decent sized culdesac, a lot of the families who live here have small kids (say between 4 and 7).
On the first few days of the school holidays my daughter was out riding her new roller blades as our backyard is unsuitable, one little boy who's around 5ish I'd say (who I might add is left to his own devices more than I personally think is responsible) asked my daughter if she'd play with him. This became an every day, all day thing!
As days went on, a few extra kids would join in and in the beginning my daughter seemed to be enjoying herself as well, so I figured it was fine.
Now it's to the point my daughter is wrangling half a dozen or more small kids for hours on end, not a parent in sight and I don't even know where some of these kids are coming from!
It's becoming quite relentless too! Even if we've been out all day, the second we pull into the drive way, she's getting bombarded by kids practically before I've finished parking the car. I can see that she's becoming a bit overwhelmed by it but I know she doesn't want to hurt these children's feelings either.
So I've started telling these kids after about an hour that they need to head home but if my daughter wants to stay outside to roller blade or whatever, they all gradually come back (particularly the first little boy I mentioned).
I also feel like I'm kind of obligated to over see the whole thing (which isn't ideal as I study and work from home), as mature and responsible as my 12 year old is she is still only 12! I'm sure if something were to go wrong such as someone getting hurt or God forbid getting lost/going missing she'd be the one getting the blame for it.
The most recent incident has really grinded my gears! My daughter only just turned 12 a few days ago, she had two of her friends over to celebrate. They wanted to walk to the park near our house which is about 2 - 4 minutes away. I let them go (with permission from the other 2s parents). On the way there, they walked by the first little boy's house, must've got chatting to his parents because they asked her if she'd take their son to the park as well. She didn't really feel confident enough to do so and kind of wanted to enjoy her time with her friends but she felt pressured to say yes. She then didn't really even get to enjoy what was really her first taste of independence because she was babysitting! I also feel like that is way too much responsibility to ask of a 12 year old. Again, this boy is roughly 5 years old.
I also feel it's relevant to mention based on my own experience working with children that I suspect this little guy has some developmental delays, particularly in terms of speech and comprehension. I only mention this as it's an added layer of responsibility for my daughter because he doesn't seem to understand basic instructions such as "stay off the road" or "wait or "please don't run off on me".
Since then, my daughter has practically barricaded herself inside because she's bloody tired! But then this first little boy has been flicking pieces of our garden mulch at her bedroom window to get her attention (her window overlooks our front yard). Which I told him very firmly to stop but coming back to what I previously mentioned about him not being able to follow instructions, did not work.
The only thing that does seem to work is ignoring him but I feel awful doing that as does my daughter.
I feel like I need to have a talk with some of these kid's parents now but especially the parents of the first little boy. However I've spoken to them before but it seems to go in one ear and out the other!
I've also had a good chat to my daughter about saying no and not allowing people to take advantage of her kind nature, I've also told her that if she's ever feeling pressured or her no isn't working, she can come and get me and I'll be the bad cop lol.
Other than that, what else can I do to get these kids to chill a bit so my daughter can enjoy being a kid again herself and actually enjoy the last week of school holidays?
7 Replies
That’s really rough.. I feel for your daughter... I can’t believe people...
apart from talking to them again I’m not sure what you do in this situation...
Your daughter is 12, she’s barely old enough to be left home by herself. She’s not old enough to babysit other children without adult supervision. You and your daughter need to get tough. When she wants to rollerblade and the other kids come out, tell them “my daughter doesn’t want to play at the moment, please go home”. Keep doing it. Encourage your daughter to tell them, as well. If it keeps happening, start charging the parents. Contact your local babysitting agency, or find out from friends how much they pay an hour, then let the other parents know that they need to pay your daughter if they want her to babysit.
This is exactly the same as the other questions asking how to get rid of neighbourhood children. You have to say a complete, flat NO. Every time until they stop.
Don't wait an hour. Don't say yes until she's annoyed. Just NO.
OPTION B - letterbox drop that she's now charging for babysitting $25 per hour pre booked only. Bookings through YOU. She just has to reply- call my mum and book it (they wont and don't do it any way just say she's busy with school work you really need to cut them off, any form of cutting it down is just keeping them around longer). Tell her if they lug a child onto her then she is to go straight to you and let you know and you'll sort it out.
I agree, 12 years old she is probably not wanting to be the 'bad person' in all this. It is so good that you are stepping up and telling them to back off. Take it a step further. If they come near her outside be blunt and tell them that your daughter needs to concentrate on her own thing right now and that they need to go back and play at their own house e.g. she needs to practice without distractions. Or if not wanting to alienate them completely you could say, she is only able to play at this time on this day e.g. Sat from 10am to 11am and put firm boundaries around it. This allows your daughter to simply say 'no, it's not Sat at this time and I'm not able to play right now'. If other parents approach simply tell them you needed to give her some space and that it was too much. Hopefully they will finally get the message.
If a chat to the parents isn't working. Tell them that you'll be charging them for every 15/30/45/60 minutes (whatever works for you) that she is with the child. They shouldn't be getting free child care from your daughter... Who is too young for that! She should be able to enjoy herself without that pressure.
I don’t mean to be rude here but yes, she’s 12. You should be the one navigating this. Go outside, take the kids home one by one and tell the parents your daughter has had enough for the day. Tell her to be strong and do the same but honestly if this has gotten out of hand that’s also on you. I wouldn’t have let my daughter get to this point. I really feel for her.
Just tell the kids they need to leave her be. She is enjoying time by herlself and they need to go find other kids their age to play with. They’ll soon leave her alone once she starts ignoring them and staying in. Meanwhile the other parents are enjoying their peace 🙄 If not go speak with but ive always told kids at the front door No, they don’t want to play and are resting and they’ll come and ask if they want to play. Lucky I have great neighbours who are all on the same level with it now.