This could be potentially triggering (admin, please use your discretion as to whether you think this should be posted to facebook as I know this is a delicate topic).
I've seen a few posts in my online forums over the recent months about people who have or have considered using spyware on their partners phones.
This prompted me to do some research, purely out of curiosity at that point because I never even knew this was a thing, let alone a thing that was legal!
I was horrified to discover that there are some apps for Android and Apple devices that remotely monitor calls, texts, emails, browser history etc and they're entirely undetectable.
Then I came to a disturbing realisation.
What if there's people out there trying to escape a DV relationship who are unknowingly having their calls, texts, emails and browser history monitored by their abuser?
Consider what this means:
An abuser could potentially see if their victim has googled DV resources, if they've called the police or a DV hotline, if they've texted someone asking for help, made plans to leave...
I actually had a friend escape a DV situation who mentioned their abuser seemed to know things that had never been said aloud and has suspicions my friend was trying to leave, my friend could never figure out how but now I think about it, I feel like spyware was probably utilised.
So my questions.
How does one protect themselves from spyware?
If one suspects their abuser is using spyware on their phone, what should they do?
(Disclaimer - I am fine. This isn't a personal question for me, I am just genuinely concerned for people who might be in this situation).
9 Replies
Totally agree. It’s scary shit.
I think using spyware on your partner is abhorrent, if it’s something you are considering to catch out cheating then the relationship is already over.
I personally think this should absolutely be posted to fb. People should be made aware of how they can protect themselves against this repugnant act
Poster here!
That was my initial thought too. People need to know about this but then on the other hand, you don't want the wrong sort of people to be made aware of such apps. Hence why I thought I'd leave the choice to admin.
Completely understand where you are coming from. But I reckon the sort of people who would use this app would find it by themselves regardless. I am just dumbfounded at how it is even a thing and that it's not illegal 😥
Yeah, true. Deceitful, controlling people are probably already well aware.
I also agree, it's shocking that something so dangerous is legal!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing this post ❤️ it is probably one of the most relevant posts I've seen and wholeheartedly feel we need more education and resources surrounding this. Thank you 😊❤️
It's not just spyware. They can clone you phone as well & know everything you're doing. Cyber security is a huge problem & probably needs an expert in the field to answer.
Great post.
This happened to me ✋ I had no idea my then husband had surveillance on me until after I left him. He knew conversations I was having, where I was at all times - he was watching me 24/7. I went to the police several times but they weren't interested - the onus is on you to prove its happening but i never found a physical camera. I replaced my phone, had to change all my passwords, start new email accounts, change banks (he stole money from my account). Then i realised he still seemed to know what i was doing/saying so i had to replace my tv (if you have a smart tv they can be used to watch you) & computer (he was always insistent in buying all our appliances in the one brand). I got rid of my car & he immediately emailed me gloating that he'd had all our vehicles bugged too & had cameras/audio & satellite tracking in it. I went to the police again & was told, because i no longer had the car, they couldn't do anything.
Maybe there are devices you can purchase online to scan inside walls etc for bugs but there appeared to be no services on offer to help in this situation. So i replaced everything. I'm still paranoid 4 years later & have to change all my passwords regularly. For my safety his only way of contacting me is through email but i don't read them as they are full of abuse & gaslighting. I can't open any attachments incase he attaches software (malware? I'm not techy) to once again bug my phone. He was also able to remotely access my old phone & change the phone access codes so that i couldn't access vital pictures & messages to use in court. Luckily, i had taken many photos with my new phone of some of the worst. So back up all your message/emails/ pictures ladies!
All of this makes you feel crazy, scared, unsafe & paranoid. I don't have the answers you're probably looking for but it does happen, though if the police, womans services & relationships australia are to be believed, not very often.