Hi mummas. My separation from my ex-husband is coming up to 2 years and other than a 4 week fling (red flags appeared very fast and I ran), I have been single. Fast forward to now and I have met someone who I really like but I need some advice. The woman I have met is 10 years younger than me and only in her early 20s whereas I am in my early 30s with 2 children, 1 with special needs (Autism and ADHD) and the other is a teenager. When I was discussing the possibilities of dating this woman with my mum she instantly asked what my teenager would say having his mum date someone so young. On top of this I am worried what her family would say if she dated someone older than her who has kids.
Has anyone else dated with this age gap or more either side? what was the biggest barrier for you two? did it work?
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17 Replies
Some people make it work but you have to remember that you have some extra years of life experience and that may mean you are at different stages in life and also having differing levels of responsibilities may lead to wanting different things.
I say this as someone with kids who dated people with out kids or kids who had flown the coop so to speak. It became a sticking point that I couldn’t dump my kid on a whim to go out and that travel (haha what’s that now) without kids wasn’t a thing.
Do your due diligence and take it slow so you can suss these things outs
The real test is are you actually suited and compatible or is it just lust. And thats difficult to answer honestly when you want it to be true and everything seems perfect.
If theres a lot at stake, go slower and dont introduce famiy or kids until youre very sure.
I'm a mum to a kid with ADHD and ASD. No way could I have dealt with it in my 20s. And as a teenager.... a step mum barely older than you? No way. Sorry. If it was 30 and 40.... sure. But early 20s is still a baby.
My husband is 15 years younger than me and when we met i had a whole gaggle of kids. 20 years on we never had our own kids because i had more than enough. We are still together and all my kids are adults now. It will work if it's meant to be.
My man is 19 years older than me. If you like each other, go for it :)
I think more the problem will be that your teenager will need to get their head around the fact that their hetrosexual Mum (as that is all they would have seen) is now dating a female. With all the confusion surrounding break ups that is going to be a fizzer. I remember in high school a teacher started dating a woman after leaving her husband and her kids couldn't handle it, they also went to the same school and ended up leaving to live with their grandparents. Just putting it out there that you may be worrying about the wrong thing. Take it slow and always think of things from your childs perspective.
Hi, my teenager has been aware that I am in fact gay for close to 2 years now and has expressed that he is fine with it
I’m 46. I have kids 20, 17, 14 and 11. My partner is 25. We’ve been together for 3 years.
His Mum hates the fact that I’m so much older. His dad and brothers think I’m awesome. My kids have never said anything much about it. They just accept it, I guess.
A couple of women around my own age in this town hate it, I suspect they’re jealous and a couple of the younger girls aren’t impressed either. Probably worried their young blokes like cougars 🤣🤷🏼♀️
Just go for it. Life’s too short to not be happy and to have regrets.
Why do you assume their jealous? Most women actually prefer older men.
And when he grows up and want his own kids?
Mum is probably upset she won’t get grand babies.
I doubt they are jealous. They probably find it a bit weird you are dating someone so close to your kids age. Most men like younger women and most women like older men. You don't see many older women with much younger men but an older man with a much younger women is common. Why do you think most famous men go for younger women.
Yep I wouldn't like this. It wouldn't at all be jealousy. I'd be worried about my son being in a relationship where the balance of power was off kilter. You may have a genuinely equal relationship... but to an outsider, it doesn't appear that way.
When I was a teen my dad dated a woman in her early 20s.
People would often assume she was my sister.
Not only was I embarrased for myself but I was embarrased for this girl as well, knowing people looked at her like she was dating her dad. I was also embarrased for my dad because I knew people began seeing him as that creepy guy.
And that's not even mentioning how utterly out of her depth she was suddenly having 2 step kids when she was still a uni student herself (and maturity wise, she and I were probably on par).
As you'd expect, the relationship didn't last.
Look, by all means, give it a trial. Just be realistic and be prepared to call it a day if it becomes too difficult to navigate.
Age is but a number, as long as you have similar values it shouldn't matter.
After my relationship with the father of my kids fell apart I ended up with a woman 10 years older than me. We are still together 6 years later.
Depends on the maturity of the other person. I’m 33 and could easily date a 43 year old. Not sure about down though lol. Would have to be the right person. I personally think 10 years is acceptable.
I am 49, my husband is 66. We have been together for 7 years. His kids are all younger than me, & were all married with kids when I met him.
My youngest has autism. For us it has worked for a few reasons. We never had to combine kids in the same house; we'd both experienced life already ie been married, worked, had kids etc.
His mum has always been fabulous to myself & my children. But I know she had reservations about my husband taking on teenagers at a later point in his life. However, he & my daughters have a super close relationship & there has been no dramas in that department.
My dad was concerned that I would potentially end up nursing my husband as he's older. The reality has been that my husband has to look after me as I have cancer.
The crux of the matter is: do you love each other? Do you have the same values? Do you want the same things out of life? Are your goals similar? Do you both feel the same way about having more children or not?
The age gap is not the issue, it's whether you both want the same things.
My mum was in her 30s with 3 kids when she met my step dad who was 23. He stepped up and took on the roll and became my dad. He’s the most amazing thing to of happened to us and we are so lucky to have him. The age gap was more of an issue for other people than it was for our family. Age is just a number. If you guys are happy then go for it! For the record they have been married for 20+ years and still powering on.