Exhausted Mum
I feel like I am at my wits end. My 6 year old son, in year one, flat out refuses to do any work at school. He walks around disrupting other children, throwing things about and doing almost anything for attention. He is essentially going to school to colour in or play with lego everyday. He is regularly sent to behaviour management as he also has loud, emotional outbursts. He is actually quite smart academically, and easily meets all the milestones for his age group. The behaviour I am told about from school is not behaviour that I witness, or allow, at home. He is also an only child.
Last year, he left the school grounds on his own, he was 5 years old! The school couldn't do anything but send a staff member to follow him until I arrived. After this, the school put him on an alternative timetable where they only allowed him to attend school when I was at work, and threatened to suspend him if I wasn't available to pick him up at any given moment.
I have spoken to my gp multiple times, we have seen two paediatricians, who after a 30 minute consult, conclude that he is just immature for his age but otherwise fine.
I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall because I have actively looked for help, and gotten nowhere, yet the bad feedback is provided on a daily basis. I have offered to sit in class to help, but due to Covid, it is highly unlikely it will be approved.
Has anybody else experienced anything like this? I desperately need advice. I am a single parent, I need some respite from this situation, and I need to be able to maintain my job without having to pick him up every other week.
Thank you!
4 Replies
I was going to suggest sitting in class. Or even get the teacher to video so you can sit with him and he knows youll see it.
Secondly, whats his payoff for this behaviour?
Work avoidance? Out of class? Have you checked his ears and eyes, his reading and writing, is he hungry, overtired. if he cant keep up or has difficulty he will want out.
Paediatrician should also be giving help, not just saying hes immature, but what does that mean for him in school, what does he need?
School also needs to be working with him. Clearly for whatever reason hes not able to stay in a classroom and between you and the school you need to get to the bottom of why.
My next stop would be a psychologist who will help with strategies for the behaviour, they will advise the school as well once they can understand whats going on.
A common strategy is a work reward. So for every 30 minute task he completes, he gets 10 minutes of reward time which is something he enjoys like lego or colouring. He gets a timer, and sets it and at the end of 30 minutes (if its been good) he gets 10. If not, he is sent home. The explanation is he cant decide what to do all day every day and has to do school work at school, this is the motivation.
Second opinion, third opinion, fourth opinion - keep pushing for answers. Bang down the doors of the doctors and get them to listen. Query neurodivergence - ADHD, autism, PDA, ODD, sensory sensitivities. The inability to settle in class, eloping (leaving school), loud outbursts etc he sounds like he's overwhelmed by the environment and trying to cope as best he can. If he's able to get a diagnosis you and the school will be able to access assistance that can help.
As an EA that worked with a lot of ADHD kids, this sounds like ADHD. Are you being really honest with yourself by saying he doesn't behave like this at home? Sometimes we get so used to our childs behaviour it's our normal, especially if you only have one child as you don't have siblings to compare and you don't see how he is with another child long enough to notice a problem. If you've never made him sit still for extended periods etc then you may not have witnessed or noticed he has a problem doing so. You need to do at home what they do at school just as a trial to see if the same thing will happen, make him sit and do an age appropriate activity, invite other kids over and just take notice of how he behaves.
If you're going to the specialist saying he is fine at home and only doing this at school then that would be why you're hitting a brick wall with a diagnosis.
I am a beginner teacher, so my experience is limited!
But honestly if your son was in my class I would take his lead, I would work on building up a thirst for knowledge. Into cars? Cool he can spend the day researching cars...whats the most popular car? How are you going to collect that data? Into dinosaurs? Cool research dinosaurs write down or draw what your findings. Tap into those interests and use those interests to build up his reading and writing skills.
Talk to his teacher about what they are doing to improve his attitude towards learning.
Also get second opinions, get your schools help with getting a diagnoses if needed.
All the best, chances are your son is very intelligent, but has zero interest on whats being taught.