I honestly have had enough, my 7 year old DD who has been diagnosed with ADHD is just out of control. I have her on medication and that helps for the time it is in her system. Every morning she screams at me before she is even out of bed, won't get ready for school unless I lose my cool, breaks everything and anything, steals things from other people, cuts her hair (yes I have hidden all the scissors but somehow she finds more or steals from school), constantly has to annoy her younger sibling, she becomes violent and just won't listen in general. I'm at the point I just want to run away from home, leave the kids with my husband. I give up, I can't keep going on any more. I have done parenting courses just to see if I could get tips and some worked for a little while and then everything comes undone. Any suggestions? Have you found something that has worked?
8 Replies
I’d personally try a psychologist who works with children with behavioural challenges. Not one that sits and talks about how she feels, but one that will come to your home and work through strategies and a behaviour plan.
Here is the thing they forget to tell parents in parenting courses. When a new strategy works, it will improve the behaviour for a period of time and then the child will have what’s sometimes known as an ‘extinction burst’ it’s basically where they push back for a period of time and it looks like the strategy has stopped working (and this is when most parents go, fark that didn’t work, I give up). So then the child learns if I push back HARD mum/dad will give up and I get to go back to normal. Where what would have happened if you’d stayed the course the intervention would have started working again.
So I’d find a a psychologist who specialises in challenging behaviour to help you work through this. I get it, so many times I wanted to run away, luckily I found the right help to work through this.
Firstly, thank you for not judging me.
I have kept some of the strategies I was taught and just push through it. I also started really modelling the behavior I wanted in the house.
I have an upcoming appointment with her pediatrician so I will speak to them about a psychologist. Thanks to COVID a lot of appointments are over the phone and has been very difficult. This one is a face to face so will be much easier to have a chat.
Thank you so much for the advice
Hi I just wanted to say that I have worked with kids with ADHD and how you do it as a parent is amazing. They go through patches, they all do, where theyre all over the place, seriously unsettled, and they find patches where theyre calmer, they can think and learn and grow and set and achieve goals, and things just are easier (for us all) hang in there for the good times.
I have an ADHD hubby, I got hypnosis and rapid eye therapy so I am not reacting to unwanted behaviours.
When I am calm he is fine, a sniff of me being uptight and he may as well be a toddler.
I saw an ADHD specialist, she helped me understand where the behaviours come from. It really helped.
Can you seek a second opinion? Have her reassessed? my son has ADHD and was medicated and there are no personality behaviours like you have described. It's hyperactivity as the name describes; sometimes intense. It's possible she may have other underlying missed diagnosises. ADHD can either be on it's own or mixed with other behavioural issues.
I am going to be getting a second opinion. I did read that ADHD can go hand in hand with something else. I see her pediatrician again soon, I will speak to her and if nothing is done then I will be seeking help else where. She definitely has ADHD this is just another side of her. DD can be the most lovable, caring, kind and helpful child. We just don't see it often
Forgive the cut and paste but someone post this on a group I’m in today. It might be perfect help for you
“UTS Kidman Psychology clinic is leading research in this space and offers online courses for parents for those that can’t attend the clinic in Randwick. Research is showing that behaviour-oriented approaches are less effective with oppositional kids than collaborative and connection-based approaches in the above resources.
Game changer for us with 7yo ADHD, ODD, ASD, anxiety/ demand avoidant profile child.
Also check out Kristy Forbes - family support for neurodivergent families. She is ADHD and demand avoidant herself https://www.kristyforbes.com.au”
I have no answers. I am currently living this with my 8yrs old son. He is violent, like really violent towards myself and his siblings, he tortures us all to breaking point and has recently started swearing at us all. I only just a few weeks ago finally got him diagnosed with ADHD after calling an ambulance twice and opening up about how his behaviour has made me literally suicidal. I'm a single Mum of 4 and I've lost my few close friends I had purely because no one can deal with him and his outbursts anymore. My Mum isnt able to help as much anymore because she is getting older and cant cope with him either. Their Dad doesnt believe me because he is perfect for him, and up until recently the school also kept telling me he was an angel at school - something that broke my heart because I felt like he was trying to destroy me personally - and I'm furious to now find out he has been slowly getting worse at school since last year but no one took ownership to contact me. We are on week 3not medication and the first 2 weeks were great, but now he may as well not be in them anymore and it's like the whole 2 weeks worth is now coming out on top of his usual outbursts. I'm just holding on too hope that something will change at our next peads appointment because I reckon I'm so close to a stroke or heart attack or worse. Hugs Mumma. I wish i had some magical cure for both of us x