Hi ladies.
I'm struggling so bare with me I will make it as less confusing as possible.
My family is a blended family as my partner is not the father of my children.
He is in the military and is being placed a long distance from us for 2-4 years.
So we will not get to see him during this time.
Before his placement he lived with us for 2 years.
The military is happy to move us to his location but the problem is my youngest child's father refuses for this to happen and I completely understand but if we don't go its gonna tear us apart but is he is being unreasonable?
I'm not taking his child from him I'm just saying it has to be more structured like a week out of a month not just when he decides that he wants to have him.
His response is I won't approve it so you will have to stay.
My partner has to be posted to this place no exceptions.
We have tried...
Has anyone experienced this as a blended military family and what can we do to make sure everyone is happy.
Leaving the army is not a option.
He is contracted for 6 years.
My ex has a very nasty way of dealing with things and if it doesn't go his way he loses his mind.
His theory is relinquish custody to him and not see my son then move away... or I have to stay and we lose our family...
Help me please. I'm beside myself
15 Replies
1 week every month isn’t doable once school is a consideration. Unfortunately you can’t move your child away from his father. It really isn’t fair on their relationship. Regardless of your feelings towards him.
So does he see thr child at all? If not, Id go and let him take it to court. If yes, and its not structured, start a structure now where he takes them for a week or 50/50 and if he misses it he misses it, no messing around, then you have a log to show and after 6 months if you have 6 months of him not taking his custody then make the move and let him fight.
If he does have the child 5050 then you have to respect their relationship and work around it more.
Take it to court.
Theres nothing nasty about what he said. Legally he's right. Either you stay. Or let him raise the child while you go. Nothing nasty about it. He's stating facts .
Your ex isn’t being unreasonable at all. I wouldn’t let my child go either. One week a month is totally unreasonable especially if/when the child is in school. You know that.
I would be totally distressed if someone tried to move my child away from me. Just like you wouldn’t live where your child isn’t either!
You can apply for a relocation order from the courts. If you have documented all if his current visitation and its not very consistent at all then it could work in your favour. Make sure you document all of his cancellations etc but you do have to come up with an alternative solution. Mediation is also a thing you will have to try first.
If he’s a good dad but a bad partner that should not affect his access to his son. It is unfair to remove a child from his life to suit your needs and wants. If your relationship is more important than your child's relationship with his father then thats a bit selfish. Your son could live with his father and you could travel back once a month to visit him for a week also. Which is the same sort of agreement you want dad to have if you couldn’t live with that why should dad?
However you haven't given enough information to get a proper answer from anyone. Which is why Im in two minds with my response.
At no point am I trying to take my child away from his father!!!
I'm saying the average father gets every second weekend so 4 days out of a month...
I'm simply suggesting that he has him for a solid week..
Some Times he has him once a week and other times twice a week and sometimes once a fortnight but I drop him off at 6.30pm as thats what time his dad wants and pick him up at 9am as that is what time he wants his son collected so he only has him for bath time, bed and breakfast.
I do all the travel in dropping him off and picking him up...
He technically by child supports % rate he has him 22%.
I understand he might become distressed about moving his son away but he doesn't take him to doctors or hospital and if our son is sick etc then he doesn't have him by his choice and doesn't visit him at the hospital..
I wouldn't say he is a good dad or a bad dad he is the bare minimum dad.
And I might add I'm engaged to my partner and he has been evolved for a long time in mine and my children's lives.. they idolise my partner, he supports them financially, emotionally and mentally.. he is a great human..
My sons dad still has a thing for me and his theory is if my relationship has to end due to this then he can try to get me back which would NEVER happen...
You have a preschool aged child, so how long has he actually been in their life? Unless you were having an affair, not long at all. I’m going to go out on a limb here, you have a young child, lived with this bloke for two years already, so it all happened very quickly, plus you have a kid to another bloke, maybe it’s time to stand on your own two feet. Maybe it’s time to get a job and support your kids and do right by them. I think you’re panicking because you might have to financially support yourself. Two years is a short time, it doesn’t compare to your child’s relationship with dad. Sounds like dad sees his kid quite a bit, here and there and likes to have frequent visits around work, yes, a lot of us have to work. Good luck, do what’s best for your child. Sounds like it’s easy for you to pickup and leave because you don’t work. You also aren’t a military wife. How about you go visit your boyfriend a week a month.
My sons father sees him less than that, also doesn’t deal with hospital/sick stuff, still wouldn’t take him away. Most mums deal with the child sick stuff, even if you were together.
You sound like a bitter old hag. Jealous much? Maybe someone might love you one day if you stop being so nasty :)
Different poster - you just see how selfish you are? Nothing to be jealous of...
Yes I may be a bit harsh, you’re probably right.
I guess I just see a child being moved away from a bio parent they see regularly, another child’s world being turned upside, going to a new school etc. for a short term relationship that may end up like all the others, another kid in toe and another break up. I sincerely hope I’m wrong and OP finds a solution.
Many assumptions here and nasty that you've turned into financial reasons like you think the typical single parent is scared to support themselves when nothing financial was mentioned in the post.
I’m a single mum, with a job, no assumptions, she clearly states he financially supports them.
While I don’t agree with it I personally know someone who lost 50/50 custody of his daughter so his ex could move to Darwin with her new military partner. It’s so wrong. If he’s a good father then you shouldn’t be aloud too do that. Your new relationship shouldn’t trump the rights of the other parent.